I Used to Remember You
by Souplog
Summary: AU. OOC. Konata almost dies saving Kagami, losing her memory in the process. Kagami sticks with her during the recovery process, and feelings long-dormant start bubbling to the surface. Femslash. Konami.
1. The Bullet-Graze

I'm very self-conscious of my appearance. The frequent problem is, I always pretend not to be, which is why I don't rush to change my pants or fix my hair as I feign impatience at my friend Sebastian who actually is fiddling with his hair.

"Fucksake man! We're going to a lecture on the economics of," I consult the pamphlet I've been fiddling with for the last five minutes, "transpacific urban policy exchange. Literally no one is going to give two fucks whether you look good or not"

Of course he doesn't listen, just looks at me, smiles, and then goes on fixing his hair, ever-narrowed eyes fixed squarely on the mirror.

Sometimes I ask him who the hell he's always trying to impress. He just shrugs and says, "You never know"

What a tool.

But he is one of my best friends, and I don't have too many of those. Friends, I mean; I actually have more best friends than most people, so while I'm abnormally short, introverted, and geeky, at least i have that going for me. Truth be told I'm jealous that he can be so open about his insecurities.

"Okay Konata, I'm ready. You can stop your bitching"

"Fuck you too asshole," I say this with affection. He pats me on the head, ruffling my blue hair. I punch him (albeit affectionately) in the kidney. Finally we leave his off-campus apartment, leisurely walking to the nearby train station. I have to walk a little faster to keep pace. We talk about this and that, conversation interspersed with moments of amicable silence.

"What I don't understand is why I should go through the trouble of watching the whole series all over again. I mean, sure the animation might be better, but there's only so many times I can watch a kid hate himself before enough is enough"

"It's more than improved animation. And they changed the plot a little bit too."

"You say that, but I'm sure it'll basically be the same thing all over again"

"Look, you can't always put a price on giant berserk robots okay? Fuck!"

For a while he doesn't say anything in return, and I think I might have been a little bit too harsh. I have a temper, it happens sometimes, though it's strange for Sebastian to be this sensitive.

"Uh, sorry if-," I break mid-sentence when I turn to look at him and follow his gaze, all feelings of apology gone, "aw, hell"

Sebastian is the kind of person who is happy, and even enthusiastic, to talk about nerdy things with his closest friends. But in the face of potential judgment, he either shuts up, mumbles, or pretends he was never talking about such things in the first place.

Guess which one he's doing now.

"Kagami! Hi! What are you doing here?"

Walking towards us is Hiiragi Kagami, the prettiest thing with purple hair. She smiles at us with a confident geniality; it is a smile that makes the people it is directed at feel, if only for a few seconds, like her greatest friends in the world. It is a sincerity that doesn't know it's fake; the sort of thing actors and supermodels learn to project when they want people, all people, to like them. And Sebastian, like just about anyone else, eats it up.

It sucks the enthusiasm out of me like a vacuum.

Kagami and I are childhood friends, though how much that matters nowadays is questionable. Between the ages of eight and thirteen we were nigh inseparable. We did everything together; told each other everything. It was with Kagami Hiiragi that I spent the most of my childhood sleepovers, and it was to me that she imparted personal secrets that she didn't even tell her family. It was to me that, god I don't even know how many years ago, she had confessed that she sometimes resented her older sisters; that she liked light novels with embarrassing anime pictures on the covers, that she sometimes wet the bed, that she (and this was really hard to admit) masturbated.

That maybe she liked girls.

But Christ, who knows how many things we told each other back then. It all just sort of blurs when I think about it too hard.

We kept in contact for a few months, as freshly separated friends are wont to do. But eventually our correspondence simply stopped. It died out as we lost the motivation to stay in touch with someone who became less and less relevant to our lives because, let's face it, whatever we know of our past friends, and especially our best friends, becomes as static and irrelevant to the present as a light novel collecting dust in an attic somewhere.

And it would have stayed that way had we not inadvertently ended up going to the same college.

Man, I remember how surprised I was to see her again after so long. There was the awkward yet enthusiastic greeting, and the almost endless go-to reunion questions such as "how've you been?" and "how's your family?", repeating lines in a script that made us both uncomfortable, but really we had no idea what else to say.

I was genuinely happy to see her, and she to see me. But after five minutes it became abundantly clear that we were very different people.

I had become an unashamed otaku, developing passions for anime, manga, video games, merchandise, lifestyle; all that stuff in the purview of a cultural demographic that is generally considered to be nerdy and, unfortunately, uncool. Physically (and this is what I was most embarrassed about) I had changed barely at all, though I was now more athletic than most people (though my stature doesn't imply this. At all).

She on the other hand had transformed from my shy friend into a gorgeous social butterfly. Sociable, fashionable, fond of clubs and dancing; she had become the sort of person I, by my very nature, could not relate to, and we both knew it, could feel it in the awkward aftertaste of that first strained conversation.

Ironic really. It was from the light novels she used to read that I developed my passion for anime.

There was so much else I could have talked to her about, but in front of this stranger there was nothing I could think to say. Nothing I had the courage to say anyway.

Do you still read light novels? Did you ever find out if you really liked girls or not? Do you…do you want to be friends again?

After that, our interactions were pained exercises in awkwardness. We waved at each other in the hallways, exchanged shallow pleasantries, and really nothing more than that.

It hurt. A lot. Can you imagine how I felt to have a relationship so integral to the first chapters of my life reduced to a pathetic awareness of each other's existence? And that she seemed so fine with that, with all her friends and buddies, just hurt even more.

To her I was just a face in the crowd who used to mean something more than a casual greeting. Though to be fair, she had become much the same to me.

So when she drew up to us, that is, Sebastian and me, it was with a neutral sort of warmth that she reserved for everybody that she said, "Hey Konata, what's up?" not a question but a casual greeting.

To which I smiled and replied, "What's up?" also not a question.

And with that she turned to talk to Sebastian about whatever. Apparently they occasionally hung out with the same people at the same bar.

For my part, I ignored them. By now it was easy to pretend that she didn't matter, to pretend that I didn't care about her presence. So I waited patiently, tuning out their conversation to observe an argument going on the other side of the road. I hummed the theme song from Serial Experiments Lain under my breath.

One of the arguers was a stocky gentleman, gesticulating wildly with both hands and struggling not to shout, only barely succeeding. The other was a taller fellow who was absorbing all of the abuse flung at him with admirable stoicism, only occasionally muttering in response, pointing at his opponent's chest with a firm finger.

It's like they've stepped out of a Saturday morning cartoon.

When the taller man pushes with particular venom, the shorter man reaches for something in his jacket, I get the feeling that something is wrong. I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Huh?"

"Kagami was asking you what the lecture we're going to is about"

Kagami smiles at me, does she even really care about this stuff? "Uh..." I glance back at the arguers, "it's uh... It's about..." the shorter one is struggling to pull something out of his jacket, "the economics of..." he pulls it out

"Konata? You okay?"

The tall one grabs the shorter one's hands, keeping him from using the gun. They struggle. I stand mesmerized, watching as they scuffle until the tall man manages to push the short one down, the gun sliding away. Rather than grab it himself, the idiot runs. Right towards us.

The short man crawls to the gun, reaches it and grabs it, points it in our direction.

Time slows down. The coat of the taller man flutters in bullet-time, lazily flapping like a windswept flag. Behind him his friend has brought the gun to bear, muzzle sliding almost mechanically into place. Trajectory set.

I stand, deer in the headlights, and Kagami and Sebastian are looking at me like there's something wrong with me, and I see the shorter man brace, and all of a sudden my mind catches up to what's going on.

"Get down!"

I duck to the floor, uselessly covering my head. They don't take me seriously, just continue to look at me weird, Kagami looks concerned.

"Uuuh…Konata? You doing alright there?"

"You idiot, get down!"

I don't think. In the split second I have to make a decision everything feels like it has changed, and all I can see in Kagami's face is a superimposed image of my best friend in the entire world. I tackle her, bringing the both of us down to the ground, with me in top. She's about to protest when the first bullet goes off.

"What the hell are you-!" BANG.

Now they take me seriously, pricks. BANG. Sebastian ducks, people are screaming in the background.

BANG. A bullet whizzes by my ear as the taller man jumps over me, Kagami is babbling, panic-stricken.

BANG.

BANG.

I feel the bullets zinging overhead, passing over my body as it shields my childhood friend. I bury my head in the crook of her neck, just as scared out of my mind as she is.

BANG. Silence, I think the worst might be over but I can't be sure. I stay where I am.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!

Numb. My brain has been dumped into a vat of anesthesia. It shoots through my body with the decisive ferocity of a jet piston. All sensation filters through eight layers of cotton, but I can feel her underneath me, shuddering breaths gently jostling me to the tune of a discordant metronome, matching the wavering beat of my heart.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump? Thump?

I can feel something drip down the side of my head and onto my face, before it drips with a delicate, wet *splut* onto the ground.

The shooting has stopped, replaced by the klaxon of sirens in the distance.

"Konata?"

I can't turn my head, but I can feel her shaking beneath me.

"Oh god, Konata?"

What she says next is lost in a swimming lack of sensation ("don't die! Not like this! Konata! Oh god! I..I…), I smile goofily into the pavement. Her perfume is nice.

"Don't move! She's been shot!"

"Konata! Oh fuck...oh fuck!" Sebastian.

Someone moves me, someone is crying in the background, someone holds my hand before I am wrenched away. All I feel then, all I know that matters, as I lie in the ambulance, smiling at nothing, is that despite how I must look right now, I probably saved Kagami, and that's all that matters.

Somehow this makes everything okay.

* * *

The air is cool, the oblique undertones of frigidity I associate with dentists' waiting rooms and archive libraries, of air-conditioned rooms in summer and hospital wards.

I think I can guess which one I'm in right now.

I open my eyes to pallid fluorescent light. A heart monitor beeps discreetly somewhere to the side. Yup, definitely a hospital room.

"Konata?"

I look at the purple-haired girl sitting at my bedside. She's been crying, I can tell, though I'm not sure how it is I can tell or to what I am comparing her to.

"Konata you're awake!" She hugs me, but is careful about it, gathering me into a delicate embrace that makes me feel like I'm made of glass. I am pretty tired, come to think.

The hug lasts for a while. It's tender, and I can tell that it means something when she begins to cry.

"Oh God, I thought I'd lost you," she murmurs into my shoulder.

Eventually she draws away and smiles at me, suddenly bashful. I blink.

"Who are you anyway?" I say.


	2. The Bullet-Graze 2

"So you don't remember me huh?"

"Nope, can't say that I do"

"And you don't know who you are?"

"Beyond Konata Izumi, no I don't"

"Huh"

Sebastian mulls this over and waves his hand in front of my face. I slap it away.

"I'm not blind you jackass, I have brain damage"

"Yeah, sorry" he seems bashful, "you really haven't changed much though; you're still plenty prickly with me. I just can't believe you got shot in the head. And lived. That's pretty badass"

"Thanks, I guess"

He talks with me a while before getting up to leave.

"Oh hey, has Kagami seen you today?"

"That purple-haired girl? I haven't seen her since I woke up"

He looks surprised, but all he says is "huh" and then "see ya," before he leaves.

A nice enough guy, but damn aggravating. I pick up the light novel he brought me and start reading.

* * *

The center isn't a particularly fancy establishment, so it can't afford to hire staff to personally take care of its needier patients. Despite this, I seem to have acquired a nurse-attendant, though whether she's watching out for me out of some sense of Hippocratic duty, or if someone's forcing her to do it, I can't be sure.

She is brusque with me. Brusque in a way I imagine Russian shot-put champions are brusque with their children: out interactions involve more manhandling than I care to be inflicted on my body.

Still, she takes care of me, and I suppose that's all that matters. But she confuses me.

She brings me food from the cafeteria so I don't have to walk there, though she never asked me if I wanted this. When she needs to change my bed sheets, she doesn't wait for me to leave the bed, she carries me princess-style to a different one, where she deposits me until the task is done, at which point she wordlessly brings me back and tucks me in again.

She's very pretty, and she either has a fixation on big breasts, or has a complex about her own modest ones (or maybe both, I can't ask her because all her communication consists of monotone one-liners and pointed glances). Whichever one it is, she always pauses to look whenever a big-breasted woman walks in the room.

I do appreciate all her idiosyncrasies, and if she didn't make a habit of leaving me at the chess table with the crazy girl, then I would have no real reason to dislike her.

"Nurse Minami! No, don't leave me here!" But she's already gone; the teal of her hair disappearing around the corner. I would leave myself (I don't know why she carries me everywhere!) if I weren't pinned in place by the intense scrutiny of the crazy person from across the table.

"Hello again Konata"

This is only the third time we've seen each other and already she's playing Hannibal Lecter to my Clarice.

I sigh, "Akira, hi"

"Well?" she gestures to the freshly-set chess board with a sleeve-covered hand, "Make the first move"

No preamble this time. Lovely. Pawn two squares ahead.

Pawn, pawn, knight, pawn, bishop, pawn. I don't even try to win anymore; I just wait for her to start talking. That's all she wants really.

Suddenly: "it must be nice huh? Getting so many visitors all the time?" she talks evenly, calmly. She doesn't even look at me, eyes fixed to the board.

"I guess"

"You _guess_?" the question is almost a snap, but her calm is still very much in control "what do you mean you guess? Are you making fun of me?"

"No, I just mean-"

"What? Are you so overflowing with friends in your life that you barely notice them flitting in and out of here like boomerangs? What kind of reaction is that?"

"I don't get that many visitors, just the same three people really"

"Like that's a bad thing? You know who visits me? My fucking mom. And I'm pretty sure that's just out of some sick sense of guilt or obligation." She makes a long exhalation. Not a sigh, but a long exhalation, "God I wish I had a smoke."

I say nothing.

She scrutinizes the board, considers a few moves, discards them.

Finally she yells "Fuck!" and swats the whole chess board away with those much-too-long sleeves. Little black and white men go flying, clattering across the floor. The other patients look at us, startled. I look back at her, scared as all piss.

But she has already calmed down, and is covering her eyes with her hand.

"That nurse, she's probably calling the orderlies again huh?"

I look over to the nurse behind the glass partition, "I think so, yeah"

"Aw hell, they're going to sedate me again," she looks at me, "sorry I said those things, hey? Just blowing some steam." I nod, hesitantly. She seems to accept this. Heavy, purposeful footfalls sound from around the corner. "Again, I'm sorry, don't think any less of me alright?" She smiles, not quite at me, but close enough.

Maybe this is why Minami leaves me with her.

"Hey," she says, "you said three people visit you right? I thought there were four"

"No, only three"

"What about that purple-haired girl who's always waiting outside your room?" A pair of orderlies make their way to our table before I can answer her question, "Ah, this is me. I'll see you later Konata." She gets up and lets them accompany her. She's already small, but between them she looks way more like a child than she is.

"Huh"

* * *

"Why are you waiting out here?

"Uh…"

She's just sitting outside my room, reading a novel with a featureless cover-sleeve.

I cock my head to the side, "You're never here when Minami carries me in," I pause to reflect on how silly that sounds, "but you've been coming around quite a lot haven't you?"

"Uh…"

"You can come in if you want. I don't have anything to do for a while and...yeah, it can get pretty lonely in there. I don't even get a TV"

She just looks at me as if she has no idea what to say

"Or…you could stay out here if you want, no pressure," Why is she looking at me like that? She looks way too distressed for a person talking to a five-foot tall little girl. "You okay?"

She jumps to her senses, "No! Yeah! I mean, uh, sure, I'd like to come in. Yeah."

She follows me into my room. I take a seat at the small table at the far side, next to the window. She looks nervous, and takes a seat when I indicate the chair opposite me.

"Hey relax, I won't bite," I laugh. She still looks a little uneasy and I feel my good humor falter, "that was a joke *ahem*," still, she says nothing. "You…really must not have liked me huh?"

"No, that's- sorry, if I'm acting strange. This is just so weird for me,"

I rub my arm awkwardly, "Yeah me too," before silence can descend I speak up again, "so, uh, who are you again?" I laugh. She laughs. We're relieved all around. "Sorry, it's just that, memory-loss and everything…"

"No it's okay! I'm- I'm Kagami Hiiragi. I'm…sort of one of your friends"

"Sort of, huh? You're the first one of my friends to visit me to say you were only "sort of" my friend"

"It's…complicated, we used to be best friends way back, but then…I guess we kinda weren't"

"Why? Did you steal my boyfriend or something?"

She bursts out laughing, "Ohmigod, no. No that's…just no. That's not what happened." I'm relieved to see her relax a little.

"Then…?"

She makes an exasperated sound, though I think it's directed more at herself than at me, "like I said, it's complicated, I guess. We- I- I mean you-," she waves her hands as if dismissing her previous words. "Sorry, it's just hard to convey it in words. Um, we used to be friends, but then you moved way, and we lost touch. We met again in college and…" she looks at me, narrowing her eyes as if trying to discern something in my face. It makes me a little uncomfortable.

"And?"

"This is so weird, I feel like I'm in therapy or something"

I'm not sure how to respond to that, so I give her a helpless look.

"…and, I don't know, we just didn't become friends again. Have you ever read the light novel _Summer Panic_? They made an anime of it I think."

"I don't know, maybe?"

"Right, sorry. Stupid question. Anyway, it's…it's one of those stories where childhood friends meet each other again, and when they do, it's like everything just restarts, as if their relationship was just put on pause for ten whole years and then when they see each other, someone conveniently hits the play button."

"And when I saw you in college, you have no idea how happy I was. But all of a sudden it's like you were an entirely different person. Hell, _I_ was an entirely different person. We didn't really know each other at all."

I nod in what I hope is an encouraging fashion. Really I have little idea of what she's talking about, "So we know each other, but we aren't fiends?"

She's quiet for a long time, and during this time she looks broodingly out the window. Then she stares at the floor for a little while, again, broodingly (does she do it intentionally?) and then back at me "No, we aren't."

Now it's my turn to feel awkward.

I want to say "Why?" but settle for "Oh"

We sit there, studiously not looking at each other and trying to pretend that the silence isn't uncomfortable. I consider just letting the awkward quiet run its course; eventually we would arrive at a point where one of us could take it anymore, at which point the first to break would run from the room screaming, or even worse they would just wordlessly get up and leave.

Why shouldn't I let that happen? We're not friends.

But as I look at her now slightly averted face, I know that I can't leave it at that. Yes, this conversation is really awkward, and yes, we don't seem to have much of a foundation for a good relationship. But something makes me want her to stick around; something makes me urgently want her to stick around.

And good god is it is uncomfortable, so I speak up, "So we never talk, or…?" I feel like slapping myself. Yes, that's just what this conversation needs, some more obviously forced conversation.

She smiles and sighs, "No we talk, we just don't talk about anything that matters. Like, we say "hi" and "what's up" and sometimes we even exhcange pleasantries, but...no, we don't really have actual conversations."

"Well, we're having a conversation now right? That's uh…that's pretty cool." I manage to give off a weak "Yay," my arms upraised in pathetic celebration before, embarrassed, I subside into myself.

There's a pregnant pause.

I start blushing.

But to my delight she doesn't look at me weird, in fact she starts laughing. She laughs so long, and so hard, that it looks like her lungs hurt, and as she does my delight dwindles into disbelieving grumpiness. She bangs her fist on the table in between breaths.

"It wasn't that funny," I mutter when she's finished and trying to catch her breath.

"Oh man, yes it was," she wipes tears from her eyes, "Yes it was. Oh god I think I'm crying a little," she giggles.

And just like that, it feels like someone's flipped a switch, and I feel happy again. Go figure.

"*ahem*," Nurse Minami stands in the doorway. Neither of us noticed her open the door. "Visiting hours are over," she deadpans. Without preamble she strides over to me and effortlessly picks me up, "time for bed, Konata"

This makes Kagami laugh a little more, and she gives me a looks that says "Really?"

I give her a look that says, "Oh, fuck off"

She shakes her head, saying her goodbyes and getting up to leave, but before she can, I call out to her.

"Kagami!"

She turns, "yeah?"

"I…really enjoyed talking to you"

"I liked talking to you too"

"Will I see you again?"

She looks as if she's considering the answer, but the smile lets me know before she can say anything, "Yeah, I think you will"

And with that she steps out the door, leaving me still in Nurse Minami's arms.

I look up at her. "It's really embarrassing that you do this you know"

Minami gives me a look that says she could really not give two shits what I think.


	3. The Bullet-Graze 3

**Weeks Ago, a few days after the accident**

"Ms. Izumi, I'll tell it to you straight." The doctor is a gruff man in his fifties, a chubby fellow, though healthier than people might assume. He presents himself coarsely, with un-ironed shirts shining like beacons of indifference through an open lab coat, and a five-o-clock shadow cultivated by disdain as much as a busy schedule.

"I'll tell it to you straight," he repeats, "we aren't sure what happened." He sticks an x-ray against the luminescent background of the display board. "When you came in we didn't expect you to survive. Bullets don't make a habit of lodging themselves in someone's brain. Usually they pass right through; in one way, out the other.

"Some people survive these, most don't. Even fewer people survive in your situation, and even then, they develop severe mental problems." He indicates the chart. "But you have a bullet in _your_ brain, and other than memory-loss, you don't seem to have anything wrong with you" He sighs; he knows I'm eighteen, but he can only see my body for the fourteen year-old it seems to be, and it's killing him.

"So while we _could_ remove it, I think we should leave it where it is" he runs his hand through his hair, "and I'm not sure if that will have any adverse effects down the line, but from what I see here, you are probably the luckiest girl in the entire galaxy"

I sit in the examination room, listening to all of this with a stoicism that surprises even me. Sebastian rests his hand on my shoulder, and between the two of us he's the only one trembling.

"I'm glad you're here man"

He sobs an incoherent response. What a girl. I take his hand. I really am glad that he's here right now. It seems like _somebody_ should be crying.

* * *

**Present**

Every time my friend Miyuki comes to visit me she brings me something from my past in the hopes that it will spark some sort of recall, though nothing has really worked so far. Still, she tries, and because she tries I know she cares for me. In fact she cares for me so much, that during her first visit I had to awkwardly console _her_ as she cried for ten whole minutes on my shoulder.

She's like a big sister and a little sister all wrapped up in the trappings of yet another best friend. I had no idea my friends could be so gorgeous or…ample. Whenever Minami sees her she stares for a full thirty minutes before walking out of the room like automaton.

"Here's a few things I've seen you read. I wasn't sure which ones you liked most so I just grabbed whatever was lying around"

"Thanks Miyuki, there's…a lot here"

"Yeah, well you spend a lot of money on this stuff. Like, A LOT of money"

I look over the covers. Glossy characters in various anime styles look up at me; sullen teenagers, badasses with shit-eating grins, bodacious babes who look entirely too happy to be wearing as little as they are. "This is what I'm into?"

"Yeah, pretty weird, huh?

"I guess"

"Hey, no judgment. You like what you like, no problem with that. You like manga, I like musicals, screw what anyone else thinks"

And what do I think? These books ARE pretty weird, but the myriad art styles do catch my attention. I'll have to read these later. I put the books to the side.

"Thanks so much Miyuki. It's really cool of you to take time out of your schedule to keep visiting me"

"No problem girl, anytime. You would have done the same thing for me"

Would I? Other than the visits I've gotten in the last few weeks, I really don't know Miyuki at all. Am I really a good enough person to deserve the friendship of someone this awesome? Would I have visited _her_ in the hospital?

"You know that nurse who always stares at my boobs said you might be out of here in two weeks' time"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Pretty soon you'll be out of this purgatorial nightmare. But don't worry! I'll be there for you when you get back, and if all else fails, we can totally mooch off of my Mom!"

I laugh.

I laugh.

I stop laughing and I feel drained.

Suddenly it hits me how ridiculous my situation is. My life is being put on hold, but the rest of the world goes on without me. Sebastian tells me I'm an economics major in college, Miyuki says I have a job as an assistant at one of the college labs; but not only can I not remember any of that, I don't even care that I don't remember.

What does any of it matter to me anyway?

I reach out and take the fabric of Miyuki's sleeve into my hand, weakly grasping at it, "just…thanks, I really appreciate it."

Miyuki says nothing, but before I can look up at her-

"Awwwwww!" Abruptly Miyuki is sitting on the bed and pulling me into a big, soft hug. The softness of her body makes me feel as if I'm slowly sinking into a luxury sofa made of sexy, sexy plushness. "Konata, you're so adorable! Of course I'd come visit my little roommate while she's stuck in the hospital!" She squeals as she holds me to her, rocking back and forth.

"Miyuki, can't breathe," I muffle into her cleavage.

All my brooding thoughts disappear, and all I know is the suppleness of Miyuki's marvelous breasts.

Eventually she pulls away, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose, "You'll be okay, Konata," she murmurs, "so don't worry about any of the small stuff for now"

I am about to reply when I hear a jarring rap at my door. Both Miyuki and I look over.

Kagami Hiiragi is standing at the open doorway, not looking at all pleased.

"Hiiragi!" Miyuki sounds surprised, but covers it quickly. "Hey. I didn't see you there," her voice is filled with what even I can tell to be faux-sweetness. This is a side of her I haven't seen before.

"Miyuki, what are you doing here?"

"Oh you didn't know? Konata and I actually live together". Even though she isn't embracing me anymore, her arms are still loosely draped around my neck, and as she says this, she tightens her hold slightly, cocking her head to the side and smiling.

Kagami narrows her eyes, "I didn't know that"

The intensity in the room is palpable, I feel like if I move too suddenly I'll pop it like a balloon. "Uh….so you guys know each other?"

"Oh we've met," Miyuki says, giving Kagami a pointed smile that has the purple-haired girl tighten her hold on her purse.

"Maybe I came at a bad time" she says

"Oh not at all," Miyuki gets up from the bed. "I should probably get going for now Konata," and as if Kagami was never there she gives me a tender look and a kiss on the forehead, "Please get better okay? I'll be back to visit you before you know it"

And with that she saunters out of the room. As she passes Kagami, and Kagami turns to watch her leave, I can see Miyuki wink at her over her shoulder.

The silence is still palpable as Kagami shuts the door and takes a seat at my bedside.

"I didn't know that you lived with anyone"

I scratch my head, "Neither did I until about a week ago"

"Do you know if you've been…together long?"

"Huh?" I catch on, "OH! No, I'm pretty sure Miyuki and I are just friends"

"Oh!" She looks as if the tension has left her body before she could realize it, "Sorry, I didn't mean to assume"

"No harm done, how do you know Miyuki anyway?"

Kagami sighs, fully relaxing, "Miyuki and I, we…we used to…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to"

She's relieved, "Thanks, let's just say we have history, and because of that history we don't like each other very much"

We look at each other, long enough that somehow the awkward feelings dissipate and, almost in concert, we smile at each other and laugh.

Whatever was going on before doesn't matter; right now, it's only the two of us.

"It's been a while since your last visit," I chastise

She smiles, "My second visit in three days? I think that's pretty good"

"Well maybe I wanted to see you sooner," I gloss over how over-familiar that might sound, "besides, I haven't gotten to know you very well"

"Well I'm here now, I have plenty of time"

"Oh yeah? You won't regret spending your Thursday afternoon hanging out with a short amnesiac who apparently, "I gesture to the books at my bedside, "has an ungodly fixation on manga?"

"Of course I won't regret hanging out with you," she blushes a little at that, though I wouldn't be able to tell if I wasn't paying attention, "and there's nothing wrong with liking manga. My twin sister really likes manga."

"You have a twin sister?"

"Yeah, her name is Tsukasa. She goes to university in London. Do you, uh, remember what London is?"

" I remember general stuff like that, just not my own experiences"

"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"Don't worry about it. I get confused about this stuff all the time. My doctor keeps having to remind me, what with the bullet in my-" I can tell that talking about this makes her uncomfortable, so I get the conversation back on track, "But why's your sister in London?"

And just like that we spend an hour getting to know each other. She tells me all about her family; her sisters and parents, and their shrine. She tells me about how she's studying to be a lawyer but had a few stumbles in freshman and sophomore year because she was partying so much. She tells me about the sort of things she's into (light novels, swimming, video games (even though she's not very good), fashion, the actor Stephen Fry), the kind of music she listens to (mostly mainstream pop, but with a fondness for classical and (she painfully admits) an appetite for dance music), where she likes to spend her free time (the beach, her favorite bars, her living room) and the kinds of people she hangs out with.

For my part I just sort of sit there and listen. There isn't much I can say about myself after all. I do contribute where I can though, eliciting a laugh every now and then. I tell her about Minami and Akira, and even about Sebastian and the goofy things he does to entertain me while he's here; or Kuroi when she finds the time. I am very careful not to mention Miyuki.

She talks to me comfortably, and listens patiently when I muddle through my own words. I love that my conversations with her are so natural, comfortable.

"…and it was so stinky!"

Comfortable enough to tell me stories like this.

"Hahahahahaah! Holy crap, that's funny!" I laugh until my face hurts from too much smiling.

"Shit! Is it ten o'clock already?!" she says, consulting her cellphone.

I glance at the wall clock. Oh, so it is. "That mean you have to leave?"

"Yeah, I stayed here way longer than I intended to" she gets up and slips on her coat. "I had a lot of fun though, Konata"

"Yeah, me too! Don't wait so long to come visit me next time!"

"A little presumptuous aren't we?" she laughs at my put-out face, "relax, I won't. Hey," she pulls a book out of her satchel, "I know that you probably have enough reading material as it is, but this is one of my favorite light novels, so I…I dunno, I thought you might enjoy reading it." I take it and look at the cover: a stylistic design of a woman, looking serenely down at something in her arms while she kneels on a pile of skulls. "Only if you feel like it of course! Don't feel pressured or anything"

"Not at all," I hug the book to my body, "thanks, I really appreciate it"

"Yeah…no problem," she looks unsure of what to do now; how to say goodbye. I can't blame her, even before the accident I feel social protocols such as proper goodbyes were something I didn't quite grasp.

So naturally I make things really awkward for us both.

"Well, bye then," she says, turning right as I open my arms in the universal symbol for "give me a hug," which immediately evolves into the "I'm stretching and being nonchalant" motion when it doesn't seem she noticed.

Unfortunately she did notice, and hesitates mid-turn. I can feel the gears spinning in her head to the tune of the embarrassment manically writhing in my chest.

She turns back to me, meeting my eyes, and I embarrassedly put my arms down. Slowly, hesitantly, she walks up to my bed. She looks me in the eyes before, again, slowly and hesitantly, she hugs me.

It should have been awkward, given the circumstances, and for a few seconds it was. But as she pulls me a little tighter against her, I feel myself relax into the embrace. Her hair tickles my neck as some of it brushes against my clavicle, and my breath catches just a little bit at the sensation.

Not as soft as Miyuki, but hey, this is nice.

The hug lasts a little longer than I know they usually do.

I don't notice at first that she pulled away, but she has, and she's already turned towards the door. "Good night, Konata," she says as she walks out the room. The door clicks softly shut.

"…G'night"

* * *

"Konata"

"Wha-Akira?" I wake up in the middle of the night to find Akira straddling my stomach, "Akira?! What the Jesus!? What are you- what time is it?"

"It's three AM"

"What are you doing in my room!?How did you get out of your room!? What-!"

Akira presses her palm to my mouth, "ssshhh," she says, as if she's trying to calm down an animal, looking at me with the utmost seriousness. I look back at her incredulously. What the fuck!? I lick her palm, and she doesn't even react. "Ssssshhh," she says again, and to my own incredulity I actually feel myself calm down.

Slowly she brings her hand away from my face.

"Okay. Akira. What are you doing in my room, on my bed, like a crazy person!" I whisper this in harsh tones, but she seems completely unfazed.

"I wanna show you something"

"What?!"

"I wanna show you something," she repeats. Then she looks at her palm with my spit still on it. "Gross," she says, unperturbed, before wiping it on her pajamas. She then gets out of the bed and tugs at my hand. "Well? Come on"

"What?"

"Come on," she urges.

Against my better judgment I get up and follow her, grumbling all the while. She leads me out the door and through the darkened halls of the hospital. In the day this place is a sterile, brightly-lit ward of recovery. Now it's a sinister maze straight from the upper levels of some horror game. I half expect something to jump out from the corner any minute. I half expect Akira to turn around and have a mangled ghost face.

But none of that happens. Instead she leads me for ten minutes in which my bare feet freeze against the cold surface of the hospital tile, until we arrive at a door I had never seen before.

"In here"

She drags me inside, my foot inadvertently kicking some chess pieces lying on the floor. "What are we here for Akira?"

"Be a little patient, geez." She switches on the lights. The room is mostly empty except for a few shelves and x-ray screens. She immediately goes rifling through a shelf on the far wall of the room, standing on her tiptoes to reach it.

"Is this your room?"

She ignores me

"Okay…that's cool. Just, be creepy and stuff…I'll just stand here, scared out of my mind." As she searches I wander around the room. If it's possible the lighting is even more pallid than the fluorescence of the other hospital bulbs. While this should make me uneasy, I feel oddly comfortable here. It's ridiculously clean, and there's nothing on the floor other than what we have tracked in with us. That and the chess pieces.

Perhaps strangest of all, there is a bullet hole in the wall. It creates a crater that ruins the homogeneity of the white paint, standing out like a wound.

I peer into the opening, feeling the cracks in the wall with my fingertips. To my surprise there's a copper stud sticking out of the center. Curious, I reach out to touch it. When the tip of my index finger brushes over the surface, Akira yells at me.

"Don't touch that!" I look back to see her glaring at me from across the room, the urgency in her face matching the quaver in her voice. "Konata," she says, more calmly, "don't touch that. Come here and help me look."

I acquiesce, hesitantly, casting one final glance at the bullet-hole.

"What are you looking for?" I ask when I draw up to her.

"Nevermind, I found it"

"What?"

Akira has retrieved a picture, though I can't see of what since she's holding it to her chest.

"I heard that you'll be out of here soon"

The abruptness surprises me, "yeah. Two weeks"

She mulls this over, then nods. "I wanted to give you this," she hands me the picture. In it Akira and I are sitting at our customary table in the cafeteria, a chess board between us. I am smiling at her across the table, and though I can tell that the photo-Akira is trying to suppress it, I can see in her turned face that she is smiling as well.

The bizarreness of the situation is typical of Akira, but that I feel touched in an interaction with her isn't.

"Thanks, Akira. But why was there a picture of us in here? Are we allowed to take it?"

"I," she begins, "wanted you to have this, to remember me by when you leave"

"Akira…"

She looks away, awkward. What's the term? Tsun-dere? "Well, that was it okay? Fuck, don't look too much into it." She looks at me for a few seconds, and without preamble stalks out of the room.

I chase after her, "Akira!"

The door closes behind me as I run into the hallway, intent on finding her. But after a few pointless minutes of running, I realize that the chase is hopeless. I don't even know where Akira's room is.

The darkness isn't nearly as scary as it was before; my mind is too occupied with what just happened, and I manage to get back to my room without any trouble.


	4. The Bullet-Graze 4

Author's note:

I really appreciate all the reviews and especially the constructive criticism (though don't everybody take that as an invitation to hurl abuse my way, unless you think it'll help). I'm sorry if the content of this story upsets you in any way, I really am, but this is going to get pretty AU and because I'm weird like that, things might get pretty dark (in a vanilla way).

I hope you don't give up on me though.

**Two Weeks Ago**

After the doctor told me about my unique condition, Sebastian escorted me to my room, hugged me, and told me that he would visit me as much as he could. This is, I recognize by now, the preamble to his usual goodbyes. I can't blame him; I do feel the need to be alone right now.

Besides, it seems as if he needs some time as much as I do.

Someone already in my room.

She's sitting at my bedside, hunched over and intent on the DS that Miyuki brought me a couple days ago. Whatever she's playing, she's really into it, vigorously tapping at the buttons with the gusto of a deranged air-traffic controller.

"What are you doing in my room?"

"Gah!"

My voice makes her jump, cutting her gameplay as she fumbles to turn off the DS. She stands to greet me, slipping on a pair of sunglasses. As an afterthought she sets the DS down on the bedside.

Even behind the shades I can tell her expression has brightened.

"Oh, hey"

She has long blonde hair pulled into a lazy ponytail, and one of those cute single fangs. She's a little older than me, but only just.

"Konata, how're ya doing kiddo?" her voice is warm and affectionate, and she looks visibly relieved as she draws closer.

I withdraw, alarmed, as I always am these days, by the familiarity, "excuse me, do I know you?"

She looks crestfallen.

"Ah, of course. Amnesia, right." As if to rescind the urgency of her initial reaction, she takes slow and non-threatening steps towards me, like she's trying not to spook a skittish deer. She stops at a good arm's length and extends her hand, cool professionalism to match the sleekness of her suit. "My name is Nanako Kuroi. Nice to meet you again, Konata"

And because she looks so sad, despite the formality that she's thrown on last-minute, I don't recoil when she steps closer and hugs me.

Like Sebastian, like Miyuki, she cries too.

And maybe it's because she's crying that I pretend not to notice the gun holstered in her jacket.

**Present**

The book Kagami left me is a revelation.

It follows the story of an androgynous young girl traveling from place to place on her trusty talking motorcycle. Every chapter is a lesson in human nature as the protagonist meets new people and experiences every facet of our being.

The starving men at the side of the road could actually be a gang of slavers, the old woman serving as a maid could actually be a genius engineer, and the man protecting the pacifist he loves might be doing it by killing as many people as she saves. Everything is allegorical.

It's perfect for me, like learning about human nature all over again. I read the whole thing in an afternoon. I wonder if Kagami has the next volume.

As for the other stuff, my own forgotten collection of manga, I love that too. I speed through each volume with a voracious appetite for plot. To experience them all over again, I am almost glad I don't have my memory.

It is in the midst of an afternoon spent blazing through the majority of my _D Gray Man_ collection that I come to a realization.

I've spent a lot of money on this stuff, like, a serious hefty amount of money. And then a thought occurs to me. Is this stuff really that big a part of my life? Maybe this is why I have so few friends. Granted, what friends I do have are spectacular people; but still, I can't help but wonder about the life I used to lead.

From there I settled in to brood, and in brooding I began to ask myself questions I knew would only make me sad.

Was I satisfied? Was I happy? Am I happy now?

"Was I lonely?"

Nanako, come to visit me for the first time in a week, looks down at me quizzically. I close Kagami's light novel which I had been re-reading, using the picture Akira gave me as a bookmark.

We're sitting on one of the many benches that populate the grounds of the hospital; a rustic expanse of lawn and oak trees that creates a scenic environment that I'm sure some landscape artist decided the hospital sorely needed to counter the sterile atmosphere of the hospital.

Physical therapists amble alongside recovering geriatrics like they're walking particularly fragile dogs ("come along Mr. Winkler, there's a good man. How about a snack? Would you like that? Yes you would!")

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. Just a thought I had"

"That's a pretty dreary thought"

"I've been having a lot of dreary thoughts lately"

"Why?"

"It's this place," I groan, gesturing to the hospital, "It's driving me crazy. I 'm not sure how much longer I can take being here without going bananas." I flop to the side, my head falling to her lap. She places a comforting hand on my scalp and scratches it soothingly. "I'm asking myself all the big questions here. Who am I? Where did I come from? What is my purpose?"

"Those are some loaded questions"

"And you know what I came up with?"

She chuckles, "what's that?"

I list my answers as if I've recited them many time before, "I'm Konata Izumi, I was born three weeks ago in a hospital room, my purpose is to exist in said hospital room until my doctors are sure I won't fall over and die. Also, there's a bullet in my head."

"Ooh, we've got an existential crisis on our hands"

"And if that wasn't enough I'm never sure when someone's going to visit me," I feel the smooth texture of the light novel in my hands and I think of Kagami Hiiragi. It's been four days since her last visit, and I feel myself getting a little upset. "I dunno. Sorry if I'm coming across as a whiny kid or something. I guess I just get kind of lonely sometimes"

"Is that why you asked me if you were lonely before?"

"That was part of it, yeah"

Nanako "hmmm"s, before stretching out her arms and legs, her tall frame distending straight as a board through the restrictive fabric of her blouse/slacks combination, before collapsing with relief back into the curve of the bench.

Not once did my head leave her lap, and it feels like it's been riding a wave. Rock-a-bye baby indeed.

Nanako rolls her shoulders.

"She makes one of those long relieved exhalations, such as someone might make after taking a long refreshing swig of beer after a long day. She then juts out her lower lip for a long period of wistful silence, looking out into the distance. "I've decided something" she finally announces.

"What?"

She nods vigorously, I suspect mostly for her own benefit, and slaps her thighs in that way people do when they've reached a decision, "We're getting you out of here for the day. This place is infecting you with its angst, and its seriously freaking me out"

"We're doing what now?" I ask, alarmed. I sit up to regard her.

"Yup!" she yells, "that's what we're going to do!"

"Wait, what are you- hey! Put me down!"

"Nope! You want to get a taste of what your life was like before the accident? Then you're coming with me"

And with that she carries me off and away from the hospital with startling ease.

* * *

The relationship between Nanako Kuroi and I was not something I knew the particulars of. Miyuki, who knew me in high school (though apparently we weren't close back then), told me that she was our homeroom teacher, though after that, in college, she wasn't sure what we were to each other.

Nanako occupied a place in my life from which the rest of my friends were excluded, very often, I was told, to their chagrin. So while they confirmed that she and I were indeed friends, they could not tell me for sure what kind of friends we happened to be. It was all a mystery.

She explained it to me easily enough. We played the same online games in high school, and almost naturally we kept in touch throughout my college years through similar online games. When she quit her teaching job and, entirely by coincidence, took up employment near where I went to college, our relationship changed and we became friends, not just in the virtual realm, but in the real one.

Though just what kind of friends we were, I would never have guessed based on the limited interactions we had post-accident.

"Okay…okay…okay…so, I'm pretty sure…I'm pretty sure that I'm not supposed to do this in the…recovery process"

My life is weird enough that I'm not the least surprised that, when we settle down in Nanako's living room, Nanako produces a joint. Ten minutes later and…well.

Nanako giggles, a girlish lilt that juxtaposed hilariously with her usually maturity.

I take another hit of the joint, sucking delirium into my lungs with an ease afforded by muscle memory. "Aren't you supposed to be, like, my responsible friend or something?" I shake the joint in her face, "You're like…I don't know, six years older than me"

"Konata, if you weren't recovering from a head injury I would totally smack you right now," I pass her the joint, a mellow stunt plane trailing smoke in the air. She accepts it and takes a long drag.

As it turns out, we're all kinds of chummy, she and I.

"So what's the deal with that nurse, the uh, the one that hangs around you all the time?"

"Minami?"

"She the one with the turquoise hair?"

"Yeah"

"Yeah, what's up with her?"

"What do you mean?"

A pointed glance. "Really? You're going to make me say it?"

"Say what? I literally have no idea what you're talking about," I'm grinning like an idiot.

She rolls her eyes, "Is she a lesbian or what? Why's she always checking out my boobs?"

I laugh uproariously. "Oh man," I manage between breaths, "you should have heard yourself." Eventually I catch my breath, "I'm not sure, maybe"

Nanako looks thoughtful.

"Why? What're you thinking?"

"Nothing, never mind. Forget I said anything"

"Nanako are you interested?"

She blushes, "I dunno, maybe. She's got that sexy awkwardness going for her"

I actually had no idea Nanako was into women, but I think I hide my surprise okay. "Huh"

"So?"

"So what?"

"What do you think?"

"Of what?"

"Oh come on, don't be obtuse"

I sigh, "I don't know Nanako, you _might_ have a shot"

"Why do you say it like that? Aren't I good enough for your nurse?"

"I didn't say it like anything!" I laugh, "Okay, I mean, you can be kind of…intense"

"Intense?" She demands. At that moment the weed starts kicking in, blurring what was not two seconds ago a relatively lucid brain. In short, my brain started to vibrate.

"Whoa, hold on." I grasp at my thoughts and assemble them into ragtag phrases. "You wear suits and sunglasses for…for chrissake. Not to mention the gun. It's kind of intimidating"

"So you're saying I'm scary?"

I look at her dead in the eyes, sinking my proverbial feet in the sand, "I…yes"

We both narrow our eyes.

A silence passes between us, and by some residual trickling of my misplaced memories, I realize what is going to happen next.

I scoot away, intent on escaping the impending strike. But too late! Nanako grabs me with her free hand, and with surprising strength yanks me to her side and starts tickling my ribs. "You little twerp!" Laughing even as she yells.

She tickles me until I see stars.

By the time she's finished we're both fighting down giggles. Her arm is draped over my shoulders.

"Oh Konata, I've missed this"

I just smile and nod, "I miss this too." I don't really, as I have no memory of anything to miss, but I don't want to ruin the mood. I pick up the joint where it has fallen during the tickle-session.

"Don't do that"

"What?"

She plucks the joint from my hand, "you've had enough of that," and crushes the end at the bottom of the ash tray.

"Nooo~," I whine, burying my face in her stomach and meekly batting at her shoulders with my fists, "you're so evil"

"Getting back on topic," she grabs me and easily flips me over so that I'm essentially sitting in between her legs, my back pressing against her front. "You shouldn't say things that are untrue just to make feel me happy"

I say nothing, woozy from the high.

She rests her chin on the top of my head, and goes on, "I said that I missed this, and you said that you missed this too. I'm happy to hear that but, I know that it isn't true because you obviously have no memory of ever smoking weed with me"

I struggle to come up with a response as she slips her sunglasses onto me. It sucks to be caught in a lie.

"And consider this. Maybe you've never done this with me before. Maybe I'm just fucking with you. Maybe in the past you actually refused to do this because, well, it's way illegal." She tightens her hold of me, "Maybe I'm not even a very nice person at all.

"What would you say to that?"

I could panic right now. I could.

It is extremely unfair of Nanako to tell me this. Especially not in this state of mind.

I could panic right now. But I don't.

"I…..trust you." Considering everything Nanako has just told me, maybe this isn't the smartest thing to say. But it's the truth. Something tells me that this is the sort of thing I would have done even before the accident.

"Explain"

I chuckle and move away so I can look her in the eye, "I appreciate that you're looking out for me like this. Honestly, if you weren't so mature about this whole thing," well, relatively speaking, considering the whole weed thing, "wait, let me start over." I breathe in.

Exhale, okay.

"Being at the hospital….I get lonely sometimes, but I'm actually pretty content over there. I mean, based on what everyone's been telling me about my life…I think I was a pretty stressed-out person. Like, REALLY stressed out. But sitting here, smoking with you…it's made me realize that since the accident… I don't _have_ to worry about any of that shit anymore. In fact I don't _really_ have to worry about anything.

"So, in a perverse way, the accident has, like, given me the opportunity to take stock of my life. I've been meeting old friends, new friends, and…" I think of Kagami Hiiragi, and I feel giddy, "…just don't worry about me so much. I'm doing okay"

"Humph, even after taking a bullet to the head you're still as hare-brained as ever"

And because by now we're both ridiculously high, we burst out laughing.

We spend the rest of the time giggling at the TV, perusing channels at no particular pace and with no particular interest at any particular show. Eventually we settle on watching SpongeBob Squarepants and we nearly bust our guts laughing.

Really, why can't everyone's life be as easy as SpongeBob's? All our problems would be resolved in eleven minutes or less.

It isn't until the fifth consecutive episode that someone's stomach rumbles, and we both realize how hungry we are.

* * *

We stumble out of Nanako's apartment. Not high enough that we can't manage walking in a straight line, but certainly high enough that we keep bumping into each other and giggling.

We walk on determined legs, fueled on a full tank of the munchies.

The objective: McDonalds. My mouth salivates as I remember the commercials on my room's standard-issue tube television. They would come on at least once every commercial break to tantalize me with delicious-looking food. Well now that food is going in my belly!

It's a short walk, which is why Nanako assures me this food-run would probably be okay. But when we get there and place our orders, Nanako finds out that she forgot her wallet at home.

"Shit!" we excuse ourselves from the counter, grinning apologetically at the annoyed cashier, "Okay, here's what we'll do. You stay here and don't move, and I'll run back and get my wallet"

I tell her that I have no problem with this plan.

"Great! Okay, just stay put"

And out the door she runs. I take a seat at the edge of one of the back booths. The McDonalds isn't particularly crowded, so I don't have to worry about being in anyone's way.

I find myself hoping that no-one tries visiting me in the hospital, as Nanako didn't exactly sign me out when we left. I don't want anyone thinking that I escaped or anything.

But most of all I don't want to be missing when Kagami finally comes to see me again.

And just like that the deities of fate and coincidence, both similarly-endowed with a gift of douche-baggery, usher a three people into the restaurant. The bell over the door clinks softly, and as I look over I notice that in their number is none other than Kagami Hiiragi.

Fuck! I duck down to hide myself in the booth, pressing my cheek against the red vinyl of the seat. I don't want to be found out by anyone that I'm not in the hospital.

And then I think about Kagami, and angrily I think about why the hell she hasn't visited me in four days. And then I get annoyed at myself for being angry at someone for such a petty reason; someone who I didn't even know that well before the accident.

And then I think maybe she just doesn't have the time for me, maybe she just can't spare the time because she's hanging out with people like her two gorgeous friends (a man and a woman who, despite their disheveled appearance, could have been models).

And then, probably because of the weed getting away with my common sense, I begin to feel a little pathetic.

Time slows down and I feel my depression grow bigger, tumor-like to obscene proportions. I peek my head over the seat, impatient for Nanako to get back already. I don't see her, and instead my eyes follow Kagami and her friends, laughing like they don't have a care in the world, sharing jokes that I can't quite hear, and probably can't understand. For a fraction of a second, I hate them.

And then Kagami looks my way and I swiftly duck back down again. Shit! If the color of my hair doesn't call attention to me, then my quick reaction probably will.

I stay still, counting time with muffled breaths.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. Ten Mississippis later and I feel like I've been hiding down here for an hour.

Slowly, cautiously, I peek my head over the seat one more time.

I find myself staring at two big purple eyes located not even one foot away from my own.

Kagami stands there, hands on hips, like some warrior goddess in a skirt and tank top.

I stare at her for two seconds.

I stare at her for two seconds, and then I react.

"Gah!" , I backpedal, launching myself backward and hitting my head on the surface of the table. I clutch at my head and sort of resolve myself into a little ball, rolling back onto the seat and rocking there in place "Fuck! Ooow"

Kagami gets me to sit still and takes a look at the bump forming on my head, fussing like a mother hen.

"Stop whining," she demands, a gentle demand, but a demand nonetheless "it's not so bad." I calm down, still reeling from the weed. "Konata," and though she's concerned, I detect a hint of reproach in her voice, "what are you doing here?"

"Oh…nothing much. Just…waiting for a friend"

"Who?"

"No-one you know. Or…maybe you do know them. I can't be entirely sure. You know how it is. Bullet, and everything," I jokingly press my fingers, gun shaped, against my head.

She brings her face near enough to mine that I can feel her breath. How had I not noticed that she was wearing glasses? She takes a tentative sniff, "Oh my God, Konata, are you high?!"

"Sssssssshhhh, not so loud, Kagami, geez," I pull her into the booth, scooching over to make room.

"I can't believe you!" she hisses.

"Hey, it's not like I'm huffing cocaine or anything"

"That's not the point. I don't care that you smoke weed. I DO care that you're supposed to be recovering in the hospital, and I DO care that you aren't exactly equipped to be out by yourself right now," again, she says this angrily, but her words become gentler as she goes on.

And because she does genuinely sound concerned, and even, I daresay, scared, my biting response dies on my tongue before it can ever get out.

And instead I mutter, "If you care so much then why haven't you been by to visit me?"

And dear god I can't believe I just said that. I can't imagine how childish I sound.

"Right," Kagami sighs, apparently imagining much the same. Without giving me any sort of warning, she pulls me towards her and, for the second time that day, I find myself being carried. She carries me princess-style to her friends; their eyes goggled, smiles confused.

"Who's your friend Kagami?"

"Sorry guys but I'm going to be heading out for now"

"Will we see you at the bar later?"

"Uh…maybe. I don't know, probably not," she smiles apologetically.

And soon we are walking out of the McDonalds.

As we pass, I see a flustered Nanako struggling to catch her breath. When she finishes panting she looks up to see us. Her jaw drops. I expect her to chase after us or something. But to my surprise she just put her hands in her pockets and starting whistling nonchalantly, trying and failing to look inconspicuous as a cartoon-character gait carries her away.

She winks at me, and before she can see me mouth "what the hell?" I lose sight of her.

Drained, I let my head slacken to Kagami's breast. My eyelids droop with the weight of euphoria, finally closing as my head unconsciously sinks further against Kagami's skin.

"Soooo~ where are you taking me?"

"Back to the hospital." Stern.

"You gonna carry me all the way there?"

"Why not? You certainly aren't heavy at all." As if to prove her point she gently tosses me in the air and catches me again.

"Waaaaah~ why does everyone take advantage of my small size?" I press a weak fist to her shoulder, "Kagami, you bully"

Her step falters.

"Konata, I'm sorry I haven't visited you lately." Oh dear, I was really hoping she would forget I ever mentioned that.

I can't think of anything to say so I just listen, watching the beautiful light show in my eyelids. She takes a shaky breath and goes on.

"I guess I got intimidated by your other friends, if that makes sense." She says it like a question, her voice intonating high at the end. I try not to giggle. "It's just they're always there…I….and I'm not sure where I'm going with this-" she laughs nervously.

I don't tell her that I fet the same way about HER friends. Beautiful bastards. Herself a beautiful bastard. In her arms I feel like I own her, sequestered in the world of me.

Delusion of course, to prelude the oncoming drowsiness. And I'm still hungry.

"Kagami, are you saying you want more alone time with me?"

"Maybe? I don't know, I can't- gah, why is it so hard talking to you?" she jostles me and I laugh like a child. I don't have the presence of mind to be embarrassed about it either.

I don't say anything, smiling as I almost flit over the edge of consciousness. The hypnotic up and down rhythm of her pace is putting me to sleep.

And for a while I think I am asleep. I can't be sure, but one minute we were next to a post office and now we're next to a park.

"Konata, what were you doing out of the hospital?"

I wipe the grogginess from my eyes, "I was with a friend. I told you. I wasn't in danger or anything"

"I know but, still, you should be more careful. This friend of yours doesn't sound very responsible"

"Hehe, maybe." I think that Nanako would be the first to admit that she isn't a responsible person. Whatever relationship we had before the accident, it's clear we both lived very stressful lives. Maybe that's why-

"Still, I think you should consider some, I don't know, _healthier_, less illegal ways to have fun"

I grin, "What did you have in mind?"

I can read the embarrassment in the silence. Embarrassment, I find, is a reaction I find I like eliciting from Kagami, "I'm not sure, we probably don't share the same tastes in that department"

"Well you don't know that for sure do you? I'm sure there's something"

"You're right, h-how about I take you out sometime?"

* * *

"You're right, h-how about I take you out sometime?" she doesn't say anything. "K-Konata? Was that weird of me to ask? I-" Oh god, why did I have to ask such a weird question? "Sorry, forget I said anythi-"

I'm interrupted by a soft snore, a sound that makes me relieved and a little pissed off.

Still, I smile.

I'm making progress.

"Ah. You little dummy"


	5. The Bullet-Graze 5

We don't really play chess anymore, though every one of our meetings seems to feature the chess board in particular.

Right now Akira stacks the pieces like uncooperative Lincoln logs; a pyramid of pawns, a leaning tower of bishops. If they were alive they would be horrified to realize their role in some of the most geometric orgies of all time.

It is one of those strange instances in which neither of us is talking, and even stranger nurse Minami is sitting here with us. Strange, but pleasant. This is my whacked-out hospital family. The sun is our hearth and the space next to Akira is our imaginary dog.

The sunlight showers the picnic table so that I'm not wanting for warmth or reading light. Unfolded in my hands is the complete _Azumanga Daioh_ omnibus. I flip through it rapidly, adopting that motherly habit of licking my finger each time I turn the pages. Really it's like I'm staking my territory, only not with piss.

No, my way's classier. A saliva imprint marking the reclamation of my past.

Yea, and indeed, verily, I did read this page.

And lo, was that strip not hilarious?

My old life is gone, and here I am re-writing the whole thing with bits and pieces of otaku culture. If you thought Genesis was confusing before…

Across from me Akira fiddles with her dichromatic victims, managing to fit them together in ways that would make seasoned contortionists cringe. Every now and then she looks over at me and smiles sweetly. I smile back, indulgently.

Next to me, Minami is...well, she's just sitting there and staring into space. Every now and then, when I'm looking at her with as much incredulity as I can muster, she will rapidly glance my way, owl-like, and I have to rocket my gaze back to my book. I'm half-convinced that Minami might actually be a patient here, and the only reason the staff lets her wear the uniform is because she might get hostile otherwise.

That woman is pain weird. Good luck with that, Nanako.

As with all companionable silences, this one has to end.

"So, you're leaving tomorrow"

"Yup"

Minami is now looking at us both.

"You still have that picture I gave you?"

I pull it out of its place in my omnibus, losing my page in the process, but it's no big deal. Not everything is as easy to reclaim as a page. "Here it is"

She nods, and if she's miffed I'm using her gift as a bookmark she doesn't show it. And like that, the subject of my leaving and likely never seeing her again is dropped.

A silence.

Finally: "Did that girl ever come visit you again?" She doesn't look up as she asks this, attempting to make both queens sixty-nine each other.

"Which one? There's three." Akira pauses to consider. I take this as a cue to help her remember. "There's Miyuki, with the pink hair. Then there's Nanako, with the blonde hair; always wearing a suit. And then there's Kagami, with the purple hair. Huh, kind of convenient how they're color-coded like that, now that I think about it"

Akira, typically, ignores clarification in favor of shock and awe.

She looks at me right in the face and says, "The one who's in love with you"

I drop my book, the edges of its many pages bending gracelessly against the ground.

If this were an anime I would do a spit-take. If this were an anime my mouth would assume the shape of a rectangle and drop to the ground.

Instead I choke, I choke on absolutely nothing. It feels like something is trying to dry-heave its way out of my throat.

Minami pats my back, eliciting grateful coughs that shuffle nervously out of my lungs, and dissipate into the air into a miasma of awkwardness.

"What?" I laugh nervously. "Come on Akira, quit *cough* *cough* joking," I stoop to retrieve my book.

She looks confused, "I'm not joking"

"Shut the front door"

"Konata you're being difficult"

"_You're _being difficult. Your _face_ is being difficult"

Silence.

"You done?" I admit that I am. You know you've lost when you resort to the words _your face _in lieu of intelligent conversation. "Why would I joke about something like this?"

"Akira, if you can get out of your straight jacket every night like Harry freakin' Houdini, then I'm not prepared to put anything past you," I look at a particular combination of two kings and an unfortunate knight. No-one can blame me for uttering another nervous laugh.

"Whatever. Just tell me, has she been around to visit you?"

"I don't know! You can't just spring this on me. I have no idea if anyone's in love with me or not!"

Even before the accident I must have realized how unappealing a girlfriend I was and am. Doesn't bother me too much, it's just a fact of life: I'm short. I am in fact so short that it has been suggested to me by no fewer than three doctors who keep asking me where my parents are (to which I tell them, "I'm twenty you dolt) that there is something wrong with my pituitary gland and should have it checked out.

Miyuki tells me that this was an option I explored in high school. It didn't work. As it turns out I'm simply destined to look like a middle-schooler for most of my adult life.

As such, can anyone really blame me for not thinking that I would never have much of a love life? It doesn't usually bother me so much, but I have thought about it, and when I do I always get a little resentful.

And now I'm angry at Akira.

"You know what? I'm not going to deal with this right now. Keep your psychotic mind games to yourself." I huff and scramble off the seat, it's too high for my feet to touch the ground, which is to say it is a perfectly normal-sized seat. This makes me even angrier as I storm off. Neither Minami nor Akira says or does anything about it.

And now I feel bad about yelling at Akira.

I turn to look at her; an expressionless little girl doing unspeakable things to chess men. But that slight knitting of the eyebrows, that hunching of the shoulders, did I hurt her feelings?

I feel really bad now.

"I'm going now!" I yell, capturing her attention, "I'm still mad at you, but you better be around before I leave so that I can give you a proper goodbye!" I blush, "Not that I want to or anything…wait, I mean…fuck!"

Is this how tsunderes feel all the time? How exhausting.

* * *

"You sure you want to leave now? We can accommodate you indefinitely, your insurance covers it"

No doctor, I'll be fine. The hospital is getting to me anyway.

"*Heh* I know what you mean. Sometimes it feels like these walls suck the soul right of you," he looks haunted for a second there, trying and failing to suppress a slight shutter making its way down his spine. "Anyway, if you experience any difficulties, or if you have persistent migraines or any more medical problems, just give me a call. Here's my card"

Thanks doctor. His card has a little cartoon version of his face on it.

"Ah, and another thing," he affixes a blue bracelet to my wrist, tight enough so that it won't slip off accidentally. It's the exact same shade as my hair. It has written on it, "My name is Konata Izumi. If I am experiencing memory problems, please refer me to Doctor Admiral Kizaru. My contact info is…" you get the point.

Your first name is "Admiral"?

He fiddles with his aviators, "Let's not get into that"

He escorts me to the hospital lobby where Miyuki is waiting for me, gorgeously dressed as ever. In an amusing turn of whimsy she has also donned a chauffeur's cap.

Minami and Akira stand to the side to see me off. Oh god, I think I'm going to miss these two. The weirdoes. *Sniff*

"Akira, stay in touch. Have someone teach you how to use facebook or something. I'll do the same." She looks uncomfortable, "Aww, Akira, I'm gonna miss you"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don't give it away too soon"

I pretend to not know what she means, "Ha, you little weirdo." And then I ruffle her hair because I know she hates that. She interrupts me with a hug. Daw.

"You still have that picture right?" she muffles into my chest.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, for the hundredth I have it, I have it" I indicate the roller suitcase with all my books in it.

She squeezes a little harder. Not painful, but uncomfortable. "Good, don't lose it"

It takes several second's silence for me to realize that she doesn't plan to let go anytime soon.

So I turn to Minami and go on.

"Minami," hearing her name redirects her attention from Miyuki's breasts and their struggle to escape the confines of her tight green sweater. Akira lets go as the stoic nurse actually takes a knee to face me. It takes me aback. "Uh, okay. Minami, take care of Akira alright? Um…I'll miss you, and your weird habit of carrying me everywhere. I could definitely use you around the house"

My sad attempt at humor elicits absolutely nothing but a nod.

"Right, anyway. Good luck in life and all that jazz." She shakes my hand which, I suppose, is in keeping with her character. "Oh right! Before I forget," I place Nanako's business card in her palm, she looks down at it impassively, "uh, give her a call. Or don't." Minami nods and puts it in her breast pocket, and for all I know it will be completely forgotten there.

Yeah, good luck there Nanako.

"You ready to go Konata?"

As Miyuki walks me to the car, insisting on pulling and loading my luggage, I turn to see Akira's eyes darting in between Miyuki and me. Then she winks at me.

I point at Miyuki, mouthing "is she the one?"

Akira shrugs, wearing a maddeningly annoying grin on her face.

* * *

"SURPRISE!"

As Miyuki switches on the lights of her living room (apparently _our_ living room, but nothing about it is familiar to me) Sebastian and Nanako jump out of their hiding places. On the central table is a platter of chocolate cornets.

"Hey guys!" I hold my arms open for them to hug me, which they do, enthusiastically congratulating me for graduating from the hospital.

"Welcome back to everyday life, such as it is," says Sebastian.

I look around, bits and pieces of my old life falling tetris-like into un-chronological place. On the refrigerator are photos, mainly of Miyuki and me, some with Sebastian, posing and looking all-around-goofy.

There we are at some college party. There we are at some cosplaying event. There we are chilling on the beach. Here is one of Nanako carrying me on her shoulders.

The times of my life, I'm guessing.

We end up just sitting around, talking. At first it's uncomfortable. As it turns out Nanako doesn't quite get along with Miyuki and Sebastian, though I find it touching that they're all making the effort to be nice. After a while though, everyone finds common ground by talking about me.

They swap stories about me, laughing at the antics I used to get into before the accident. Nanako talks about how I was an incorrigible spitfire in her class, ribbing her during our lunch breaks. Sebastian talks about the time he and I got sick at an all-you-can eat buffet over a bet we made. Miyuki fondly recalls how, when we didn't know each other very well in freshman year, I had clumsily tried to cheer her up after finding her in our room, bawling her eyes out.

Apparently I was adorable, unsure of whether to hug her or not until Miyuki took the initiative and just used me as a teddy bear. We had been, she sighs dreamily, best friends ever since.

After that it becomes a whacked-out competition over who is closest to me.

Everyone laughs when I comment on how amazing the chocolate cornets taste.

We drink beer, eat snacks. Sebastian makes me tea when I announce that chocolate pastries and beer are not a good competition.

It's a good time, and I'm sorry when Sebastian and Nanako eventually leave.

Miyuki leads me to my room. It's larger than I expected, with enough space to fit several bookshelves, a desk, and a bed, and still be able to do cartwheels uninhibited.

"Well? What do you think?"

Even with the lights on, the space feels dim in that way one feels when they are sleeping away from the comfort of their own home.

I recognize the figurines on the shelves; the posters, books, and video games. I see myself in the pictures pasted haphazardly on the wall above my bed, and in the diminutive clothes in the closet (finally, something besides hospital pajamas!).

I know that this is unequivocally _my_ room.

But of course it isn't. For as long as I can remember (one and a half months) my room has been an oversized cubicle: featureless but for a bed, a table, and an overhanging TV. Christ I think I'm homesick about the stupid hospital.

So what do I think?

"I feel a little empty, to be honest"

"Oh…"

"Sorry Miyuki, I guess…I'm sorry"

"No! Don't be, I should have expected something like this anyway"

I step further into the room, getting a feel for the space. I plop down on the bed, getting a feel for the springs. But there are no springs. I look down, bewildered, this is one of those fancy memory-foam mattresses I saw on TV.

Miyuki registers my surprise, "Like it? You won it second-prize in a contest. First prize was a Haruhi Suzumiya figurine signed by the voice-actress," she chuckles, "you were so mad."

She plops down next to me.

I lean my head against her shoulder. "What am I supposed to do now?"

She seems troubled as she thinks it over, "Whatever you want to do I guess"

"I can't just squat here like some dependent"

"Don't think about it like that. You've been in a terrible accident, and as your friend I want to take care of you. Sebastian and Nanako feel the same way. Besides," she giggles, "I'm rich. Don't worry about being a burden"

Miyuki, thy name is trust-fund.

"I'm so glad I have friends like you." Miyuki tenses up and I lift my head, looking at her. "Uh, sorry if that was uncomfortable or anything"

"No, it was just…surprising. The old you would have never said something like that…or rather, you would have never said it so…sincerely"

The old me? Like I'm a different person now?

Miyuki brings my head down on her lap and starts stroking my hair like a favored cat. "Don't worry about it. It's surprising, that's all. We're all adjusting to this. We'll get through this together"

* * *

Morning! Morning brings an entirely new atmosphere to the apartment, brightening the hallways and painting all the little knick-knacks and doodads with cheerful sunlight.

Miyuki has to go to school for a few classes, an obligation I am free from as I have been un-registered from all of my classes and have been dismissed from my job.

It's seriously bumming me out, though I'm glad I don't have to face anything unfamiliar. I probably wouldn't be much good at any of those places anyway.

But Miyuki has to leave at eleven, and as we both got up early she has the time to teach me (re-teach me) how to make an omelet. It's easy enough, but I have trouble folding the egg so that the final product doesn't look like sad throw-up.

Nevertheless, we have fun. Miyuki gets a kick out of my struggles, and after listening to her giggle one too many times at my failure I chase her around the apartment, brandishing a spatula. It's all fun and games until she hits her foot against a wall and I feel immediately sorry.

Apparently she's used to this kind of thing, being clumsy.

We talk over breakfast; orange juice and forkfuls of tasty, but gross-looking, omelet.

"You know you had trouble learning the last time as well"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you got mad at me then too," she tousles my hair, "it was so cute." She checks her watch, "Ah! I have to get going now."

"Oh, right see ya"

She climbs to her feet and shrugs on a leather jacket. "Do whatever you want, but don't stray too far from the apartment. Your cellphone is loaded with all our numbers, there's food in the fridge, there's oney on the counter if you need it… uh…what else is there?"

"Miyuki, I'll be fine! Jeez it's like you're my mom or something"

She laughs and briefly hugs me goodbye, heading out the door.

Well.

Now what?

I clean and dry the dishes, sweep the floor, and tidy up the living room; feeling all the while like I'm Miyuki's wife or something. The thought makes me laugh, and for a while the apartment is filled with creepy chortles.

What is it stereotypical anime wives say? "Welcome home dear! Would you like dinner, a bath, or…"

I vacate this train of thought.

After that is done I sit around reading for a while, and then I migrate to my room where I experience an Xbox for the first time. After two hours I am left reeling and euphoric.

After that, lunch and TV.

After that, I feel a little cabin fever creeping into idle hands and decide it's time for a walk. Throwing on a hoodie that's slightly too big for me, and exchanging my pajama pants for a skirt, I grab the keys to the apartment and head to the door. As an afterthought, I return to my room and withdraw a decent amount of money from the ridiculously oversized allowance envelope Miyuki has left me.

I'm not her wife. I'm her frikkin' child.

Shrugging off this disturbing thought I step, optimistic, into the bright summer's day. The sunlight glares pleasantly from behind the myriad buildings, and the street noise in minimal. It's a nice day.

It's amazing how such a thing as being out on my own can make me feel like a child. If I was a baby a month ago, I guess it makes me a toddler now, and the world is big for a person my size, let alone my long-term memory.

But it isn't scary or anything. The people who walk past me aren't threatening, and I am perfectly capable of navigating the urban landscape on my own. Trouble is I have no idea where I'm going. What a perfect analogy for how my life is going right now.

It occurs to me that, if I wanted to, I could just pick a direction and keep walking until I'm so far away that everything that was Konata Izumi before the accident will disappear completely. It would be suicide but not; a truly fresh start, tabula rasa for the determined lazy.

I could walk off with this bullet talisman in my head.

In the deranged few seconds I consider this, the future seems so brightly uncertain that the next step I take will be in actual consideration of this possibility.

I look back in the direction of Miyuki's apartment and my heart is pounding. Really, what's stopping me?

It must be destiny that, in the midst of this crazy reverie, I don't notice that this first step I take takes me flush into Kagami Hiiragi's cleavage.

"Okay, are you high again? Because I've been calling out to you for like the last fifteen seconds and you were just staring into space. And now," she looks down at me with a blush and a raised eyebrow, "well, needless to say this is confusing behavior"

I step back, still stupidly exciting for what I am quickly realizing was an insane idea. Awareness has escaped me, but in the face of Kagami's scrutiny my awareness is scrambling back to duty. "Kagami? What-?," And then I realize what I did, and where my face just was, "oh, sorry, I was spacing out."

She sighs, "I figured it was something like that. What are you doing out of the hospital this time?" Her eyes dart around warily, and she leans in close to whisper, "It isn't that sketchy friend of yours is it?"

I utter one of self-depreciating laughs to dissolve my own feelings of stupidity, "Oh, no. I was actually released from the hospital yesterday"

She looks a little put-out "You never told me that"

"Really? I thought I did…" And now that I think about it, I didn't. "Oh god," I press my palms to my forehead in guilt, "I am sooo sorry. You didn't try to visit me did you?"

"No, but I was going to tomorrow"

"Oh man, I got so caught up in getting discharged…I didn't even tell you for your last visit," I bow down with my palms pressed together prayer-like, "I really am sorry, forgive me?"

Her hand nudges me up again by my chin, "Hey it's alright, no harm done"

Slippery guilt flip flops in my stomach. "I'm still sorry though." I grimace even as she smiles at me. It occurs to me … I fish out my cellphone, "Can I have your number? I…don't quite know how to figure these things out," I fiddle with the keys getting absolutely nowhere, "but this way we can stay in touch"

She laughs at my helplessness, "Here, give me that. There. Now you have my number." She hands it back to me and her number is indeed there, next to her name is a smiley face emoticon.

I chuckle at it, "Thanks"

"What _are_ you doing out here anyway?"

"Just taking a walk. Got a little bored by myself at home"

Kagami brightens, "You want to come hang out with me? I just got done with class and I'm heading home"

I guess this means I'm forgiven. Getting let off easy is a remarkable feeling, and I wonder how much of why she forgives me is because she likes me and how much because of pity for a gun-victim.

Whichever it is, I'll take it!

"Oh my, Kagami, inviting me to your place, isn't this two dates too early?"

She rolls her eyes, and grabs my hand. I don't miss the blush that peeks at the edge of her cheek, "Come on you little goofball"

* * *

Kagami's apartment is one of those artsy loft apartments, an impressive living arrangement for something packaged in an otherwise lousy-looking building. As she pulls open the elevator cage I can't help but marvel at the ostentatiously hipster décor, if not because of the variety then because of the dedication.

Old, battered grunge couches surround tiny impractical coffee tables while black and white photos stare down at everything like the portraits of a Harry Potter movie. Some of them are awful, blurry things that don't really look like much of anything. Some of them are spectacular portraits of human emotion.

Suddenly Kagami's tie and suspenders makes a lot more sense.

"You're into photography huh?"

"Er, yeah. It's a hobby of mine slash something I'm seriously considering if law school doesn't work out"

"Some of these are really good, some are…well"

"Oh man, ignore the terrible ones. I just put them up to remind myself how much better I've gotten. That, or I can always say I put them there ironically"

Suddenly I think I understand why Kagami and I weren't exactly close. This is what people mean when they say "worlds apart."

At a surprisingly well-furnished kitchen island is a girl wearing only a tiny black sex-kitten dress and Buddy Holly glasses, provocatively swaying to something playing on her oversized headphones. She's crying, and if not to the music, then to the onions she chops with one of those Chinese cooking cleavers.

"Misao," Kagami calls, the girls keeps swaying, trying to wipe tears with her bare arm and only succeeding to streak them across her face. "Misao!"

She notices us and pulls off her headphones, "Hey!" The greeting is so enthusiastic it's like sunshine reverberates off her voice. Without preamble she scampers over and plants a kiss on Kagami's cheek, close enough that if she had deviated just a little to the left she would have caught her on the lips.

I forget to be annoyed because then Misao does the exact same thing to me.

"Misao! No hippying out on our guest!"

"And who is this little cutie-pie?" she asks, leaning forward, hands on her knees, studying me with genuine fascination. "Is this-?"

"This is Konata Izumi, the _friend I have been visiting in the hospital_"

"Oh, oh right. Yeah. Cool! Nice ta meetcha Konata! I'm Misao, one of Kagami's roommates"

I shake her hand, "Nice to meet you"

She turns, scampering back to the island, all spunk. "You guys want some tapas? They're just about ready"

"I'll pass," Kagami says, "I'll be right back, just gotta go change. Konata, I leave you in the incapable hands of Misao here. Don't worry, she's harmless. Mostly." and with that she strides off to what I assume is her room.

"Boooo~ Kagami's so serious isn't she?" And she makes as if to bounce back to where we once stood, but by now I've followed her to the kitchen area. The girl could probably run suicides all day. "Oh, hi there!" As if moving six feet is grounds for greeting me again, "Try this!"

She stuffs a spoonful of I-don't-know-what into my mouth.

My first instinct is to spit it out, but for the hopeful look she gives me. I reluctantly start chewing. "Hey, this is tasty Misao"

"Really? I'm so glad!"

Hmmm. High-sprung. I don't know how to deal with high-sprung. To my relief Kagami strides back into the room, newly-clad in sweat pants but with her old collared shirt still on, un-tucked.

She sees me chewing Misao's mystery substance and narrows her eyes, "She didn't force-feed you did she?" Misao is waving her arms behind her, indicating me to say "no"

"Uh…no?"

Kagami sighs, then shrugs, walking over to Misao (who turns to escape but is too late), actually lifting her from behind, Heimlich-style, and walking her to the pile of cushions situated in front of the TV. Misao mock-cries, but mostly giggles as Kagami dumps her there.

"Alright then!" She announces, "I'll be cooking tonight, and it will be healthy, and it won't kill you, like whatever it is Misao just made"

"They're tasty though!"

"Shut up!" She clears her throat, "Konata, would you like to help me?"

"Uh, sure, but I don't know how much help I'll actually _be_…"

"It'll be fun, c'mon, I'll show you"

She relegates me to chopping vegetables, which I take to easily.

"You're pretty good at that Konata, like, really good"

"Muscle memory. I must have cooked a lot before losing my memories." Misao contentedly sits at the island like a big cat. When she doesn't ask me what I'm talking about I assume Kagami already told her. "So," I eye her in between vegetables, "health food?"

Kagami smiles, "Yeah, I have been for a while actually. My Dad was pretty heavy into the whole healthy lifestyle so I guess I take after him," she wipes her hands, "which is weird because none of my sisters do"

Misao rolls her eyes, "She won't even eat a single French fry, that's how anal she is about it"

Kagami scoffs, playfully bumping her shoulder against Misao's. "My asshole roommates always make a big deal whenever I eat something even remotely fattening"

I laugh. At-home Kagami is an experience.

Suddenly I'm covering my eyes as the sunset creeps in through the giant shutters of the loft windows, zeroing in on me, and rendering me momentarily blind. Eyes half0lidded I have to turn to the side or keep my arm-visor up.

*Click*

I move out of the sunlight to see Kagami holding up a camera, one of those digital ones that save images even as they spit them out a-la-polaroid.

"What are you doing?" I laugh. She's smiling but the look she's giving me is so melancholy that I can feel my good humor dissipate, the cold feeling you get when your opponent slowly slides their piece into check-mate. "Kagami? Are you okay?" I get close enough that I'm looking up at her, and because the sunlight is now on her I can't tell if she's blushing or if it's trick of the light. "Hello? Earth to Kagami?"

She reaches out as if to touch me, but stops, as if coming to her senses. "Sorry, I…sorry"

* * *

When Konata leaves she hugs Misao, but hesitates before she hugs me. I wonder. Does she not want to? Or does she think I don't want to?

After my behavior tonight I can understand her reservations.

Dinner was a success though, and we have fun, though I could detect moments of discomfort.

After she shuts the door behind her, Misao says something. I don't know what. Something chiding, chastising. It is accompanied by a fair deal of head-shaking, so I get the gist.

I look at the polaroid in my hands.

The sun is hitting her in just such a way…no, "hitting" isn't the right word.

It's adorning her, literally highlighting all those features that I'm afraid anyone else will see.

I crumple the picture, tossing it in the wastebin before I go to sleep.

After an hour of tossing and turning, I stumble out of bed, stubbing my toe on the door frame as I go retrieve it, smoothing out the crinkles.

*Sigh*

I'm so pathetic.


	6. The Bullet-Graze 6

Exhaustion is something my body doesn't succumb to easily.

To me, it's like playing a video game, the constant pumping of my muscles is as easy as pushing forward on a joystick. If you think about it, you could put a rock on the controller and consign some pixel-based life-form to an eternity of running.

How morbidly beautiful. But it would make for a boring game.

But running in reality? Not boring at all. Almost liberating. I can see what those jogging enthusiasts are raving about all the time. The sweat, the aching muscles, the oven-hot oxygen pumping in and out of your lungs like a bellows.

Like this I can truly forget everything.

Why would I want to though? I'm not exactly unhappy.

"Fuck! Konata! We're stopping! Holy jeezus!" Kagami rests a feeble hand on my shoulder, wheedling me to a halt. She keeps walking, a labored, panting stride to stave away a stitch we both know she's going to feel in a couple minutes. I trail after her, laughing.

"Come on Kagami, I thought you were going to "take it easy" for me"

"That was *pant* before *pant* I found out you were *wheeze* a friggin' machine"

I laugh again, and encourage her to walk a little faster to keep the pains from getting too bad. Heartened, she keeps it up for a while before stretching her muscles and flopping onto the park grass.

She's been running for miles, the poor girl.

It started out harmlessly enough. An invitation to come jogging. Misao had rolled her eyes when Kagami asked me, waxing sarcastic about how tedious running was: getting up early, the exhaustion, the way Kagami never seemed to get tired. "Ugh," she had grumbled, haunted look on her face, "exhausting."

Needless to say, when I agreed, it was with some reservations.

But it turned out good! Who knew I would be a natural? I got like zero exercise in the hospital and yet here I am, puttering along like the little engine who not only could, but did, and did it awesomely.

At first we jogged at an easy talking pace, she giving me pointers on technique and pacing, how I should breathe and what muscles I should stretch. Concentrated silence eventually draped over us as the workout demanded our attention.

Eyes darting habitually to see me next to her, not tired at all, she kept getting faster and faster. At first the competition burning in her eyes scared me, but it got funny after a while; the disbelief endlessly amusing. To a health-nut like Kagami, this had to rankle some chains.

I matched her step-for-step. Figuratively of course, her legs are much longer than mine. We carried on like this, running around the same park for what must have been an hour.

"You did this to yourself you know"

"Uggghh, I know," her chest rises and falls with every breath, straining against her spandex tank.

The overhang of a tree splays out shade enough for the both of us, but as the morning progresses, the sun creeps slowly up Kagami's legs.

We wear workout clothes, the both of us. She's lying with her eyes closed, catching her breath, and I sit cross-legged above her. This must be the first time in a very long time that I have literally looked down at anyone.

"How are you so athletic?"

I shrug, "Dunno"

"That's not fair"

I laugh, "Sorry"

"Ugh, my legs feel like lead"

"Mmm," I lie down next to her, "my legs feel fine"

She turns her head, one eye inching open to look at me, "You little jerk. Don't say that"

The light reflects off of her camera, slung loosely around her wrist, and inspiration hits me. I snatch it.

"What are you-? Oh no, Konata I'm disgusting right now"

"Come on, just hold still a second," of course she doesn't, writhing her limbs over her body in a bid to cover up. The camera loves her anyway. Struggling like that, she's like a pin-up model, with her blue tank-top and short shorts, sweat making her body gleam like a hentai heroine.

Ugh, did I really just think that?

Enthusiasm slightly diminished, I take a few choice shots anyway.

"Okay, you can't delete these," I say settling down and holding the display over her face. I flip through them, and I can see Kagami grudgingly admit that she looks good, but she grimaces anyway. I laugh at her, "Oh, just accept it. It's done. Your beauty captured for all eternity. Just give me credit for these when you make it big"

She looks at me, unamused. I smile back. And just like that her grimace transforms into a wan smile and she giggles. Her eyes linger, but it doesn't exactly feel like she's looking at me, though I would be hard-pressed to say that she's looking at anything else.

It isn't the first time she's looked at me this way. The other night it kept happening when she thought I wasn't looking, though by now she doesn't seem to care whether I notice or not. How do I feel about it? "Uncomfortable" isn't the right word for it, but it's the first one that comes to mind.

I clear my throat, "Anyway, what do you want to do now?"

"Just let me rest here for a bit, catch my breath," she breathes, the intensity of her look gone. I breathe too, relieved, unaware that I hadn't been breathing, unaware that my heart was beating maybe a tad too fast. I lie down next to her.

We watch several clouds float by. Or I do anyway, _her_ eyes are closed.

Finally: "Hey Konata, what are you doing tomorrow night?"

* * *

Nanako's job isn't what I expect it to be.

When she brought me into the building I was a little intimidated by the tinted windows and security check. The lobby was eerie, silent but for the faint sound of classical music emanating from no discernible source. It reeked of creepy professionalism. I half-expected it to be one of those murder hotels like in _Hostel_.

Thank god, we're not. But they have the look down pat.

We're currently lounging in a hotel room that manages to be lavish without being very big; a room for the non-ostentatiously wealthy. The couch is aged leather, dignified in its vintage antique-shop softness. It feels like I'm sitting on the great depression; the atmosphere intentionally dusty like the set of a Matrix film.

We're propped in front of an old tube television that was probably put there as a stylistic choice. Reruns of _Dragon Ball Z_ are playing.

"Okay, I'm still not entirely sure what it is you do"

Nanako treats me to a soulless glance through impossibly dark sunglasses. She smiles at how uncomfortable they make me, and gestures behind us to a group of young people studiously working at a series of desks.

All of them are busy with a mixture of paper, computer screens, and those digital Photoshop sketch-pads, forming two short columns of illustrators armed with pens, styluses and an assortment of laptops. They flank a desk bigger and more impressive than the rest of them combined at which is seated a young woman staring intently at a computer screen, her hand a blur of activity on a sketch-pad.

Her red-rimmed eyes don't deviate even an inch from the screen. Already this girl scares me.

"I'm Ms. Tamura's bodyguard"

"Tamura's the one with the black hair and the crazy look in her eyes right?"

Even though I was speaking softly, Tamura's eyes track me like a homing missile, "I'm not crazy! My mother had me tested!"

Nanako laughs, "Yup that's her. Though you and I just call her Hiyori"

Hiyori's attention is already diverted back to her work. I lower my voice just a little bit more. "Do we now? Okay, you've probably already explained this before, but indulge me. _Why_ does she need a bodyguard?"

Nanako smiles, "No problem. She needs a bodyguard because she's like, _obscenely_ famous. A couple of years ago she came out with her debut series: _The Pencil-Skirt Statute_. Weird name right. Yeah, she's weird like that. Anyway, ever since then her work has been astronomically popular. You might be surprised to hear this, but she's actually so popular that she has people stalking her all the time. It got so bad that she had to move both her home and offices into this hotel"

"Jeez"

"But she can't stay copped up in here all the time. So I go with her whenever she needs to leave. I drive her around, I walk her to class, I fire warning shots at insane stalkers; sometimes I actually have to beat people up. Like, with my fists and shit. You wouldn't believe it. Poor kid just got too famous too fast."

We stare at the TV screen, neither of us really watching it.

"How did you end up in this line of work again?" My voice tingles with incredulity.

She shrugs, "I had all the qualifications before I was a teacher. But really it's like any other agency job. I just work for Hiyori now because she thought I looked trustworthy," she gives me a proud thumbs-up, "I'm hand-picked. Pretty cool huh?"

"Honestly, none of what you said is very plausible"

She laughs, "You used to say much the same before the…well, you know, accident"

"Are you calling me predictable?"

"Kind of. I can probably guess what you're thinking right now"

"Really?"

"You're wondering why the hell we're watching the same episodes of _Dragon Ball Z_ over and over again with barely any sound"

I _was_ thinking that. Dammit. "No I'm not"

"Uh-huh"

"Fine. Why _are _we watching the same episodes of Dragon Ball Z over and over again?"

"I keep the volume low to keep from distracting the artists. They're a temperamental bunch," she doesn't bother to lower her voice, and a few artists sidelong glare at her before resuming their work. "And I watch the same thing so that I don't pay too much attention to it. It helps keep me focused without getting too bored. Sometimes I watch Bollywood movies," she shrugs, "whatever works"

I try to imagine this flippant woman punching a hapless stalker in the face, kicking his knee, snapping his wrist. It's difficult to reconcile this image with the goofy stoner who snuck me out of the hospital not even a few weeks ago. But as I look at her now, sunglasses poised delicately over the bridge of her nose, posture-perfect, a chill whittles its way down my spine. I can still remember the rough protrusion of the pistol through her jacket.

This, I am sure, was not the woman who presided over my homeroom class all those years ago.

Or maybe it was. I can't very well imagine her watching Bollywood movies either.

"Okay! We're done for the day! Everybody go home! Move it! Move it! Move it!"

The cadre of assistants are forced out by a frantic Hiyori (an abuse I suspect they have long grown used to). When the last of them has shuffled out the room, she breathes a sigh of relief, promptly flinging herself on the remaining space of the couch. This means her head lolls on my lap and her feet land with a thud, ankle first, on Nanako's. Nanako's fang protrudes just a tad more whenever she frowns.

Hiyori wriggles to her side, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Konata, I am a tortured artist," she sighs, eyes lidded dramatically towards the ceiling. I take her familiarity in stride, though her closeness is very uncomfortable.

"Hey you're scaring her"

"What? No I'm not. Am I scaring you Konata, darling?"

Nanako points her fingers to her head, mimicking a gun, "The accident genius. Remember?"

"Oh yeah," but she doesn't let go. "You know I was shot at once too. Granted, I wasn't actually hit, but…still." She rolls onto the floor, sitting cross-legged on the shag carpet and looking up at me, "You don't remember me very well do you?"

"I don't remember you at all, actually"

"Pity, that." She extends her hand, "Hiyori Tamura, artist and mangaka, at your service"

"Ko-"

"Konata Izumi," she interrupts, "I don't have a slug in my head. So I remember _you_ at least. You used to be my biggest fan"

"Oh…I didn't…I didn't stalk you did I?"

"Nah. You wrote me plenty of letters though. Mind you, I liked them. They were the only bits of fan-mail I actually read. Partly because I enjoyed your writing, partly because they didn't have cut up magazine letters for text, or pictures of me with my eyes cut out"

"Oh. Well. That's good then"

"I'm sorry, by the way. For not visiting you in the hospital. I meant to, but, y'know, death threats and all."

"Don't worry about it"

"Good. I'm glad to hear that. I forgot that I was worried about this until just now." She jumps back on the couch, assuming the original position with her head on my lap. "That's a load off my mind. I'm glad we're re-acquainted. I have so few willing cuddle pillows these days. Well, barring the occasional psychopath, but them I don't like"

"You're still making her uncomfortable"

"How can that be true? We're friends again. She said so herself. No take backs!" Nanako sighs. "So what were we talking about before I inserted myself into the conversation?"

Nanako turns off the TV, the image flickering off with an audible pop. "I was just catching Konata up on the details of _this_ whole situation," she gestures back and forth between herself and Hiyori, "and she was waiting to talk to me about something but didn't know how to bring it up"

I glare at her, "And I suppose you know that because I'm so predictable? Maybe I just wanted to hang out"

"Fine, cool," she shrugs, "it's just you play with your hair when you – see, you're doing it now – you play with your hair when you want to talk". Hiyori keeps looking at me with a grating smile; it oozes with expectation, and I know she knows that I'm lying.

"Fine, I came to see you for some advice"

"There we go," Nanako says, turning to look at me, removing her glasses. My discomfort instantly disappears, replaced by a bafflingly sudden sense of security. The room isn't as alien as it was before, rendered cozy as if by the flip of a switch. Even Hiyori's physical contact becomes less the unwelcome familiarity of a stranger, and more the affection of a close friend.

Nanako's shades make her look inhuman. Taking them off eases the mood of the whole world. Muscles I didn't even know were tensed suddenly relax.

"So," Nanako says, suddenly all motherly and warm, "what's up?"

I look around. Nothing's really changed, but the mood shift is still alarming. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" she asks, innocently shifting her legs onto the couch, smiling in a way that neither suggests nor denies that she knows what I'm talking about.

This is what it must be like to have a confusing older sister. And what it must be like to want to both hug and punch someone at the same time.

"Uh, Never mind," I gather my thoughts, feeling tongue-tied under the gaze of these two women. "I wanted your advice on, well, see there's this girl-"

"Ooh, a girl! Fast worker"

"Shut up!" She smiles at this, "I mean, it's just…let me start over." Kagami, right. "Errm," my voice falters. Why is this so hard to talk about? "So I'm going to this party tomorrow…"

* * *

Thankfully Sebastian is going to the party too. He's like my emotional backup, not that I need that sort of thing.

Actually I do. I totally do. It helps ease my nerves that he's with me. If it isn't completely obvious by now, I'm not much of a party person. Or a large crowds person. Nor am I an "I don't care what strangers think of me" person (though I'm told I used to be before the accident).

Miyuki warned me. It didn't stop her from fussing over me as I got ready, but she did warn me. Resigned, however (and exciting to be dressing me up) she went about fetching all sorts of things I didn't feel comfortable wearing. Make-up? What is this on my eyelashes? What is this bra doing to my breasts? What do you mean I can't wear a hoodie? Etc. etc. Rinse, repeat.

Meanwhile Sebastian was parked out in the living room like a date, circa 1950. I told Miyuki the invite came from him, and he's happily playing along. I'm not sure how she would react if she knew I was coming because Kagami asked me to.

Playing it safe, Konata style. I'm going to have to ask one of them what their beef is one day.

But not today. For now I take deep breaths to stave away anxiety.

"Whoa, Konata, chill out." Sebastian. Sweet, sweet Sebastian. He knows me so well and I barely know him at all, "You don't have to come if you don't want to"

"Why the fuck am I so nervous?"

He doesn't answer me while he parks the car a few blocks away from Kagami's apartment. "Social anxiety. You don't like being around large groups of people. And you're afraid of being judged. And-"

"Alright already, jeez! Why do you have to know everything about me?"

He offers me a conciliatory shrug, "You used to know everything about me too. Don't worry about it." We sit in the car for a few minutes. "You still want to go?" He finally asks, "We can leave if you want, I don't mind. I know how you used to hate these things"

Did I? I remember Kagami telling me how differing interests estranged us from the get go in freshman year. I stifle my reticence. "Let's go"

The party is already in full swing by the time we get in. An indie rock song finishes just as a dance piece comes on, though it isn't loud enough that people can't talk to each other. A small crowd is dancing where the TV cushions used to be.

Misao is flitting around in a bunny-girl outfit, serving snacks and just being her own patented brand of perky sexiness.

When she notices us, she dances over. Sebastian, being the smooth guy he is, stares without trying to look like he's staring. And succeeds.

"Hey Konata!" She envelops me in a hug, twirling me around. "What do you think of my costume? Ironic, huh?"

"Hey Misao. Yeah, it's cool." I fail to see any irony. I'm pretty sure she's so far into the culture that she's forgotten what "irony" even means. Poor girl.

"You look good too! I love your dress!" That helps me feel better about it. I prefer pants. And sleeves. Dresses make me feel like I'm trying too hard. Misao grabs my wrist and drags me off, "Come on! I have to show you to Kagami!"

Self-consciousness tackles me from nowhere, and once again I feel really stupid wearing this stupid thing.

"Misao hold on-!"

"Kagamiiii~ guess who's hee~eere"

And there she is, brandishing a martini glass like a pro. She's playing the social butterfly, talking to like five people at once, looking very cosmopolitan with that dress/jeans ensemble that on anyone else would look ridiculous, but on her looks like a friggin' revelation.

She looks over at us and pauses mid-sentence.

Oh jeez. It's that look again.

"Konata, hey!"

"Hi~" Words fail me. I make a stupid little wave and instantly regret it. I think I'm blushing. If I say anything in the next five seconds I'm sure my voice will break like a thirteen year-old boy's.

"I'm glad you could make it, you look good"

"I- uh, Sebastian brought me," I look around for him and it hits me that I pretty much forgot about him when Misao dragged me off. "Don't know where he went though…"

"I'm sure he's fine, let me show you around"

And she does just that, introducing me to a few of her friends, but never abandoning me to talk to them on my own. She's very attentive, and though it makes me feel a little pathetic I'm glad for it. If I was left by myself I'm sure I would never talk to these people, but with her I become engaging, I feel brave.

After she genuinely laughs at another one of my jokes, it surprises me to realize that Kagami didn't invite me to be nice; she invited me because she wants me to be here. It surprises me to realize that I was actually worried about such a thing in the first place.

That's actually a pretty awesome feeling. Why couldn't we have done this before the accident?

But to my horror, Kagami is eventually called away to handle something in the kitchen. She smiles at me apologetically and excuses herself, promising to be back soon.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

I don't like parties. I don't think I ever did, and I remember why when I'm left alone. Everybody has formed off into their own little groups; chatting, dancing, eating, laughing. They coalesce into amoebic clusters that ward off outsiders, and as an outsider it makes me feel pretty crappy. It's like we're all in elementary school again, stumbling to find a table to sit at.

Well, that's how it seems to me anyway. I'm just a shy person who thinks too much when she's uncomfortable, so by all means don't take my word as gospel.

Some of the people I had been talking to when Kagami was with me start conversations, but without here there I'm awkward, I stutter. They smile and move on, and I hope they don't pity me right now.

Well fuck.

I'll just awkwardly sit on this sofa fiddling with my phone while the people with lives are making out with each other. I briefly consider dancing, but I would feel awkward up there on my own. Where is Kagami? God she hasn't been gone five minutes and I'm already lonely.

Feeling as if my phone performance isn't enough to convince anyone that I'm not pathetic, I get up and head for the snack table.

I stare down at an esoteric assortment of what have to be Misao's creations. I try one, earning an explosion of citrus flavor that doesn't quite match the texture of what I think was a kind of Venezuelan pancake.

Weird.

Someone taps my shoulder. Sebastian. He's got a cigarette in between his fingers and he tilts his head towards the balcony. I follow him, shutting in the heavy bass of some Dubstep track as I close the glass door.

Surprisingly no-one else is out here.

"You having fun in there?"

I sigh, "Sorta. Clearly this isn't my scene"

He laughs, "I could have told you that. I saw you sitting there by yourself for a while"

"Ugh, I must have looked pathetic"

"Maybe a little," he lights up his cigarette, smooth bedroom silk oozed out of his mouth. "It's a nice night"

"Yeah it is." Kagami's apartment is high enough that the city lights look like constellations. The stars, meanwhile, were out in full force. There's an entire galaxy outside Kagami' balcony.

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah, just took a little blow to the self-esteem"

His eyes crinkle in their slits, "You wanna hear something funny"

"What's that?"

"I…." he laughs self-derisively, and I know this is an attempt to make me feel better, "Ever since I was a boy, I've have a thing for people who dress like animals"

He delivers this in a folksy deadpan enough like joking that, after a moment's snorting, my eyes widen and I begin to laugh in earnest.

When I catch my breath I wipe tears from my eyes. "Oh man, that's funny. Thanks for that, I needed a laugh!"

He smiles, a single eyebrow quirking in that jaunty manner that is just so him. It takes me a while to realize that he isn't trying to correct me"

"Wait, you're serious? You're a," I lower my voice to a conspiratorial soto, "furry?"

And now it's his turn to laugh, "Yeah! Maybe a little. When I saw that Misao girl in there…you don't even know. That stuff just really gets me going"

"I think anyone would be turned on by what she was wearing"

"Well, yeah. But it's a little more than that. It's like…if she were wearing anything else in the world, so long as she was wearing those bunny ears, I would be good to go." I look at him incredulously, "Hey c'mon, I'm serious here"

"Wow." I allow myself a moment's thought-digestion, "Wow that's pretty crazy"

"Not too bad I hope"

"No, not at all! I mean, thanks for telling me that"

He ruffles my hair, "Relax, it's not as if I'm coming out of the closet or anything. I'm not, by the way."

I put away my pointed stare. "Right, sorry." We both smile at the absurdity of it all. I half-expect him to yell "just kidding!" "I guess that makes it the second time you've told me about this little fetish then?"

"Actually this is the first time I've told anyone"

"Even before-?"

"Even before the accident"

It's not even a big deal, but I feel a tear threatening. I mercilessly wipe it into a smear on my cheek.

I punch him in the arm, even though I really just want to hug him. "You're pretty much my brother aren't you Sebastian?"

He laughs and puts his arm around my shoulders. We spend more time out there, just looking out into the galaxy, than we spent at the actual party.

*Snap!*

We both turn to see Kagami standing there with her camera. Neither of us had noticed her step outside.

"Hey, guys, that was just such a perfect picture so," she holds up her camera and shrugs, "sorry. I'll delete it if you want"

"No, please keep it," Sebastian walks to the door, "I think I need to get back the party anyway." He leans over Kagami's shoulder, looking at the camera's display, "Oh wow, that _is_ a good picture. Send it to me okay?"

Kagami nods, closing the door behind him before turning to me. I can hear _Gangnam Style_ as the door swings open and shut. Inside, entire crowds are riding imaginary horses in that ridiculous dance.

Out here though, we're all sober. "Hey"

"Hey"

"You uh, having fun with Sebastian out here? How scandalous," It's a joke, I know, but it doesn't sound like one.

"Sebastian?! No, oh wow, no. he's just a friend"

She brightens,. "Sorry I didn't mean to assume"

"It's no problem. It's refreshing really. Most people think I'm his little sister. And because he drives me around all the time, well, it's not an impression I've done a very good job at avoiding"

We share a warm laugh. Holy bananas, am I funny. The moment ends in subdued silence.

Finally: "I'm sorry I abandoned you in there. Party drama, you know"

I laugh, "I really don't, but it's alright"

She joins me at the railing. "You been having fun?"

I briefly consider lying, but Kagami's eyes compel the honesty out of me, "Well, maybe a little. No, no not really, this sort of thing isn't my cup of tea." My eyes twinkle with apologetic aplomb.

"Oh…I'm sorry to hear that"

"Don't be! The only times I had fun were when I was with you!" And now I sound clingy. Spectacular. "Wait, I mean…uh, forget I said that"

"That was literally so sweet that I think I have diabetes now"

I'm pretty sure my face is red. "Okay! Okay! Enough mushy talk, moving on!"

She laughs, "I don't know, I think I like this mushy talk. What was that you said about how the highlight of your evening was being with me? Gosh, I can't quite remember…"

"Please, please, forget it. Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Her smile fades, the light of the balcony light shining off her lipstick, resolving into that same look she's been giving e for the last week. She stalks closer. "No chance of that happening"

The playful air has vanished, replaced by whatever off-the-walls tense nonsense this is. I can feel the blush burning in my cheeks as she gets closer. "J-jeez Kagami," I murmur, "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" She returns.

I'm not sure what's happening. Well, no, that's not true. I'm pretty damn sure I _do _know what's happening, I just can't reconcile the fact of what's happening with the long-time expectation of what I was pretty sure would never happen. But it's happening and, why oh why didn't I take Nanako and Hiyori's advice seriously? And, and-

And her face is awfully close.

I swallow. "What are you-?" Kagami whispers something, and even though she's barely an inch away I can't hear her.

Slowly, gently, she tilts my head up and presses her lips against mine.

Kagami's lips are…nice.

One of her hands rests on the small of my back, the other on my shoulder. I'm sure that if I don't hold onto her, my legs will give way. So I do, taking a handful of her arm and a fistful of her sleeve. The kiss isn't terribly passionate, but is firm and gentle at the same, lasting long enough that I don't quite notice that Kagami has pulled away before she kisses me again, this time briefly.

She looks at me searchingly. "Konata? Was that…was that okay?"

I wait for the world to resolve itself, but it doesn't. I look up at her nervous purple eyes and feel my life struggling to catch up to me. A rock being lifted bodily off my controller.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Do you like video games?"

* * *

Author's note: Things will only get weirder from here


	7. The Search

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

This could be attributed to stress and a growing obsession with healthy living, but no, I don't think that's it.

I've been dreaming. I think I'm dreaming right now.

I am at the hospital, the hospital where Konata was staying after the accident. But I'm not here to see her. Bafflingly, I am following a little girl through darkened corridors. She moves swiftly, and though it feels like I'm running through molten rubber I manage to keep up, spotting her pink hair disappear around the next corner just as I round the current one.

The doors are all closed, no light escapes beneath the cracks. It's creeping me out, and the fact that I'm being creeped out is creeping me out, because this is a dream and everything should feel normal right? That's what I took from _Inception _anyway.

Eventually, I arrive at a door. Unlike the other doors, it is left ajar, and light spills soberly into the darkness.

I am instantly drawn to it, and inside I find a small room. On the floor are some haphazardly discarded chess pieces. Along one wall is a series of shelves sparsely adorned with unremarkable items. Except for these things, the room is utterly unremarkable.

Hold on, no. I'm wrong. There is something else.

There is a small hole festering in the opposite wall, like a bruise, with something copper stuck in it. I didn't see it at first because it's in one of the corners on the wall of the door.

I walk closer to it. As if growing out of the bruise, a series of pictures have been pasted around it, emerging like a fungus.

The first image: it depicts Konata and the pink-haired girl smiling at a table.

Around it I can see images of people visiting her in the hospital. Miyuki, Sebastian, some blonde lady; oh, and there's me. Around those pictures are more depicting Konata out of the hospital, always with at least one other person. Cooking with Miyuki, lounging on an old couch with the blonde, jogging with me in the mornings.

There's us kissing on the balcony.

Suddenly that picture starts moving, and the scene plays out like a recording, our voices distant as if through an underwater phonograph.

"Do you like video games?" Konata asks at the end. "Do you like video games? Do you like video games? Do you like video games? Do you like video games?"

"Do you like video games?"

The same question repeats over and over, and suddenly everything is shaking. Objects pour off of the shelf, banging on the floor. The chess pieces start to float into the air, spinning erratically.

I hear a noise behind me. The pink-haired girl is there, holding a camera. My camera, she's taken my picture. She notices me notice her, and suddenly the commotion stops, Konata's voice stops. The chess pieces clatter to the floor.

"Hey," the pink-haired girls says, "_do_ you like video games?"

* * *

"Gah!"

I wake up in my room, breathing heavily. Just a dream. It was just a dream.

What the fuck kind of dream was _that_?

My breathing evens out as I calm down. The silence is gratifying. I savor it like a long drink of water after a lengthy workout. I wipe the sweat gathered on my brow.

"'Do I like video games?' What the _hell_?"

Five minutes later I am robotically pouring cereal into an empty bowl, surly despite the brightness of the morning. Misao, on the other hand, is as chipper as ever, humming some tune or other. She's already gathered the remnants of last night's party in a series of white garbage bags parked next to the door. She has also made for herself a spectacular-looking omelet.

Oh wait, there's two of them.

"Hey I made you an omelet." She says, as if reading my mind. I pause in the middle of pouring cereal. Then I take the bowl and attempt to reverse the process, pouring cereal back into the box. I am mostly successful.

I dig into the omelet. It makes me feel a little better. A little less confused.

"What's eating you Kagami? You didn't go on your morning run"

I scrutinize the colorful tablecloth Misao has laid out. Dinosaurs roar at each other in repeating patterns before a white backdrop. I wonder if this is supposed to be ironic.

"I…" I begin, croaking out the syllable with some difficulty, "…like video games"

Misao looks at me weird, "I know you do. We both do"

I nod, "Right. But we suck at them"

"Yeah. We suck royally"

"Hmmm"

"Is that what's bothering you? Whether or not you like video games"

No. That's not what's bothering me. What's bothering me is that last night I briefly lost my self-control and kissed the girl I've been in love with for I don't even know how long! And all she did was look out into the distance and then ask me "Do you like video games?"

Then she kissed me on the cheek and sort of walked away, leaving me speechless on the balcony.

What the fuck does any of that mean!?

I sigh, "I'm just confused, Misao. So very, very confused."

My cellphone starts vibrating and I can feel the blood drain from my face when I check the caller ID.

"Who is it?" Misao asks. I groan and let my head thunk onto the table. Misao nods sagely, "Ah. _Her_. Say hi for me"

* * *

I'm a pretty corny person. I'm pathetically corny. My corniness is what I brood about whenever I'm feeling especially broody. It is, to me, that one doubt that everybody has about themselves that keeps them from realizing true self-confidence and happiness.

This is why I exercise. This is why I wear fabulous alternative clothing. This is why I go to a lot of parties and surround myself with legions of friends, the entirety of which is exhausting to keep track of. I mean, sure, there are plenty of other reasons I have for doing those things, but mostly it's to compensate for the confidence-sink that is my utter corniness.

And why should my being corny be such a problem? It didn't used to be.

It's because I believe in true love. I believe in soul mates. And I believe that I have found mine. Ugh, even I cringe when I hear someone spout that unicorn-piss nonsense, _and I believe it_.

But it's true. I've tried relationships with other people, and every single time I couldn't stop fixating, fixating, fixating on someone I didn't even talk to anymore. And because of this fixation, all of my relationships turned out to be ill-fated cock-ups.

As the person across from me is most qualified to attest.

She primly sips her teacup, one pinky in the air and everything. "What will you be having? Knowing you, you probably had an insubstantial breakfast and neglected the vitamin C"

I check the menu. It's a swanky place we're brunching at, with prices that would give me a heart attack if I were the one paying. After a brief perusal I order something expensive and delicious-looking in the vegetarian section. We may not be dating anymore, but we have eaten enough times together since that this is normal.

She has a _lot_ of money. Always insists on paying, so by now I am numb to her spiteful generosity.

She frowns, "No, you don't want that," she motions the waiter, "I'll have the salmon and _she_ will have…" she scrutinizes me as if to make absolutely sure of her decision. Not a five seconds later she nods self-satisfyingly, "…the clams. With orange juice"

He takes our menus, "Excellent choice madam"

"Yeah I really nailed it," she says loud enough for him to hear. He blushes, smiling goofily. People are happy even to take her sarcasm.

I raise my eyebrow at her, "Clams? You know I'm a vegetarian right?"

She rolls her eyes, "You're not a _real_ vegetarian. And you've got a little restless leg going on. The iron will do you good"

I grumble, making a point to cross my leg so it stops hopping up and down. She's intelligent too, unless she hasn't made that absolutely clear. "Fine. Bring on the clams."

She has a way of getting me do pretty much anything she wants. Except for some things. Well, really only one thing.

"No need to be snippy. If you really want the kale salad," she says this as is if expelling a loathsome flavor from her tongue, "then go ahead."

"No, clams are fine"

Miyuki tucks a lock of her hair behind one of her ears, unconsciously adjusting her glasses right after. She looks subdued, and in an instant I realize that _she knows_.

"So," she says, "are we going to address the tiny blue-haired elephant in the room?"

"Is that what you called me here for?"

"Yes, seeing as how you made your big move last night"

The silence is louder than the hustle and bustle of the restaurant. "…She told you?"

"Hardly. She's afraid of even mentioning your name around me. No, she was acting pretty weird when she got home last night"

"Weird? Weird how?"

"She was blushing a lot, dazed"

Is that a good sign? "You knew from just that?"

"Of course not, I had friends at your party. The wall to your balcony is made of glass, basically everybody saw you"

I fight down the embarrassment. I beat it into a muddy pulp on the floor. "Okay, and?"

"And what?"

"I don't know?! What do you think about it!? Jeez! Don't be coy with me right now, I'm really on edge!"

This is just how our relationship was towards its end. She looks at me, clearly upset. I feel terrible. She once confided to me, whispering in my ear in bed one lazy Sunday morning, that I was the only person who could make her feel bad about herself. "I'm sorry," she says, trying to look disaffected. But I know better.

"No, I'm- *sigh* I'm sorry. But Miyuki, where are you going with this?"

She ignores my question, "We haven't talked in a while"

I keep my tone low, conciliatory. I've always hated upsetting her, no matter how spiteful she got. "Why do you think that is Miyuki? I had no idea you were Konata's roommate. God, I had no idea you were even friends. It's kind of a lot to digest after the whole almost dying thing." I shake my head, "I actually thought you hated her"

"I did," she murmurs, "when we broke up, I really, really did." She smiles, she always did have a strange fascination with seeing me squirm (in a creepy, loving way). But I think this smile is a peace-offering. "I suppose you want to know how that changed, it's a pretty funny story actually"

"No, I honestly never wondered that"

My sarcasm makes her laugh, and I feel less guilty about earlier. "Where to begin? Ah, yes. Did you know that she and I were roommates while you and I were dating?"

"What?!"

"Yep. We never had anything to do with each other, never talked, but we _were_ roommates." Miyuki shakes her head, "We knew each other from high school actually, and old misconceptions made it easy to stay separate. Anyway, when I found out that she was, you know, _that_ girl…well, I had all these thoughts. These really bad thoughts"

She looks a million miles away.

"I waited in our room for so long, I just wanted to confront her. Say something to her, I don't know." She looks at me pointedly, "I know you already know this but you really hurt me. I was devastated. To be dumped because of someone you even admitted you likely had no chance with-"

She stops talking when the waiter brings our food. He sets it in front of us, asks if we'll be needing anything else. Miyuki glares at him so vehemently he scurries back into the kitchen.

She sips her tea, "Too much sugar. Where was I? Right, I was waiting for Konata."

"Yeah…"

"Well I was in there, waiting to scream at her or something. But I ended up waiting so long that my anger eventually, I don't know, went away, and I just started crying. I mean, you broke up with me. That was a pretty big deal."

I _know_ it was a big deal. I could have loved her if only I gave us a chance. She cuts right through my bullshit like a merciless chainsaw-toting Jason, and that's really useful for a chronic tsundere.

"I was still crying when Konata finally came into the room. I tried to come up with something to say, anything. But I couldn't. I felt so, so pathetic. *Hehe* Konata was pretty surprised. She had no idea what to do, and I actually thought it was pretty cute how she was flailing around, panicking. She's not exactly a people person." She sips her tea again. "After a while she just sat with me and held my hand. She was sooo uncomfortable." Miyuki pauses before taking a bite of her salmon, "It was adorable, I hugged her like a little teddy bear and didn't let go. We became best friends shortly after.

"I never told her about my connection to you though"

I can see her gauging my reaction.

"And you've been best friends all this time?"

"Yes"

"You knew? You knew, even when…?" I leave the the post-breakup sex unmentioned, but implied.

"Er, yes"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I had a little crush on her at the time, I was afraid you would, I don't know, take it the wrong way"

"Do you still have this _crush_?"

"A little. Don't worry though, I'm not the antagonist in this convoluted drama of yours. She's my best friend, I don't want to change that. As for you…I still love you." I don't know where she summons the balls to say stuff like that, but I can grudgingly respect it. "And I don't want to hurt you either"

"Then what was that little performance at the hospital? You _winked_ at me"

She smiles, again all glib and giggles. "What? I can't have my fun?"

I sigh. Some people just never change.

We spend the rest of our meal in pleasant amicability. We laugh, we catch up. It's like our old dates only there's no promise of sex later (though even after the break-up the promise was still there for a while). I've honestly missed this beautiful psycho.

"Wait a minute," I say as we're about to part ways in front of the restaurant, "you said you weren't the antagonist in my drama. You weren't being all mysterious and cryptically hinting that someone else is, were you?"

She looks away

"Oh. My. God, you were!"

"Maybe"

"Well? Who is it? I don't have rivals do I?"

"Maybe, how would I know? No, I was referring to Konata herself"

"What…What's _that_ supposed to mean? I forgot how much my head got to hurting whenever I spoke with you"

"Oh hush. I _mean_, she's temporarily moved somewhere else to, I quote, 'figure things out.' She needed space I guess"

"What?! Who's she with?"

"Heck if I know. But she seemed okay on the phone. You have her number don't you? Give her a call"

* * *

I do have Konata's number.

I have it, but…

Damn it, I haven't been afraid to call someone since high school.

What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to say it? Oh god, what if someone else answers the phone and is all like "sorry, she can't answer right now, she's in the shower"?

I misplace my confidence whenever it comes to Konata, and right now I'm having a devil of a time finding it.

"Ayano!"

"What?" she takes off her headphones and looks up from her laptop screen, "did you say something"

"Ayano," I whine, "help me find my confidence"

She looks at Misao who, as usual, doesn't really know what's going on anyway, and then back to me. "Huh?"

"She's too scared to call her girlfriend," Misao teases, suddenly all up in my grill. Why do I keep underestimating her? That girl refuses to stop surprising me.

Ayano puts her Photoshop pad to the side. "Wait, you have a girlfriend? Is it Mi-"

"It isn't Miyuki! It's the blue-haired one Kagami has a picture of in her room!"

"Misao! How many times do I have to tell you not to go snooping around in there!?"

"Kagami you didn't answer my question-"

"How can I not go into your room? You have such a nice room"

"Kagami!"

"Kagami!"

"She's NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" The yelling makes them both shut-up. I catch my breath. "I mean, I want her to be, but…she's not"

"Not yet, you mean." Chides Misao, ever the optimist. At Ayano she says, "They were making out at the party last night"

"Really?" asks Ayano, "She finally made her move? Damn! I'm never around when anything exciting happens"

"Maybe you should work less"

Ayano looks at me with that far-away look in her eyes whenever she is forced to relive her job. "You don't understand, my boss is... She…she's a monster. Today she yelled at me for not applying the right screen tone to page thirty-six. But there is no page thirty-six! It doesn't exist!"

Misao rushes to comfort her, the issue of my not being able to call conveniently dropped. I can always count on Ayano's trauma to derail the conversation.

Holy shit I can be a real douchebag sometimes.

Guilty, I walk over to Ayano and stroke her hair. She likes that for some reason. I've chosen not to question it after all those times she's woken up in the middle of the night, screaming about the latest nightmare about her boss. To calm her down, Misao or I would have to stroke her hair until she fell asleep again.

It's too bad; she used to be such a well-adjusted girl.

Come to think of it, I used to be pretty well-adjusted too before Konata got shot and came back into my life.

When I get back to my room I look at my cellphone. Konata's picture is there, smiling at me with this 'you weirdo' expression that she gets whenever I take her picture.

God she's adorable.

The call button is illuminated like a 'fasten seatbelt sign.' It commands me. It beckons. She's on the other side of this device and all I need is a second's worth of courage to hear her voice again.

Miyuki's words come back to me. "She needs space I guess." And then I know I'm too chicken to call. I yell and throw my phone onto the bed. Misao hears me and comes running. She's wearing a towel. I don't bother to ask.

"Kagami are you okay?"

I look at her, rake my eyes up and down her body.

I figure this is my chance to blow off some steam. I take hold of her bare shoulders, feeling out their smooth texture with my thumbs. She looks up at me as innocently as she ever does. I stare balefully into her eyes for about ten seconds. "You wanna play some video games?"

Ten minutes later we're playing Marvel vs. Capcom. She's really the only one in the world worse than me at video games.


	8. The Search 2

Glad people like the Kagami POV. It's a departure from Konata, I know, and I wasn't sure it would work. We'll see.

Didn't say this last time, but I really appreciate the people who reviewed. Short chapter this time, comparatively.

* * *

Giving Konata space is hard.

Honestly, I'm over my phone cowardice, I really am. I am so ready to just call her up and talk things out. I am ready to talk the everloving shit out of that girl.

Right, talk.

But I figure two day's space is probably what she needs. I don't know why, it's just a figure I came up with. You can bet though that when these two days are up I will be all over that phone conversation. Like white on rice. Like blue on Konata's hair.

I really want to call.

"Excuse me?"

My eyes stare vacantly through the viewfinder.

"Hello? Lazy photographer! Get to it please!"

"Oh, sorry!" I summon up meaningless instructions for the model, just to sound like I wasn't spacing out. "Uh, raise your chin a bit, yeah, like that." I snap a few photos, ignoring the manager glaring at me point-blank. These are the people who put me through law school, the least I can do is pay attention on the job and put up with their BS. "Okay, next"

The model flexing his muscles while looking disinterested in absolutely everything relaxes and walks off the set. A man and a woman in impeccable evening wear take his place, lounging on the pogo-rides. Whoever came up with the concept for this shoot is either an eccentric rich person, or just a really stupid editor.

"Alright people," I enthuse, launching into my usual photographer's spiel, "look at me like I'm your disappointed parent." I put on some energetic emo music, "Okay, the idea is sadness. So look at me like I sadden you. Let's see some upset faces. Come on, come on! You're not giving me anything! I disapprove of your partner! Your career is demeaning! I will never be proud of you!" One of the models begins sobbing

"That's it! Give me more of that! Lovely! You know that insecure feeling you have where you think no-one really likes you? There may be something to that!"

Eventually the models are too upset to keep on, but I already have everything I need. I feel a little bad though. Some of the things I said…The man thanks me for helping him get over some of his issues. The woman wipes her tears and sticks her tongue out at me.

Whatever. This is what makes me good at my job. Maybe I should just give up on law school altogether. I have a few contacts already, and I'm good enough to get magazine commissions.

I file that thought away for another time. Right now I have to get to class. It's a wonder I get anything done at all.

Just need to keep busy for the next day. Then I can call.

* * *

In high school, when I was especially stressed (and I am now so very stressed), I would find solace meditating in the family shrine. Something about the atmosphere, especially when no-one was around, calmed me on a fundamental level. I don't know if it was the meaning behind every little detail, or just the nostalgia, but something about shrines to me was, even in the smallest examples, near monolithic. They can cast a great serene shadow over all of my troubles.

Well there aren't any shrines in this city. There is, however, a church. And it is a suitable analogue.

I'm not a religious person though. I just have a healthy appreciation for sacred places. Call it holy feng shui. Someone once told me this appreciation was the only genuine thing about me. I think it was Miyuki, come to think of it, the minx.

I sit now, on one of the middle pews, in meditative silence. Ayano is sitting next to me. She isn't religious either, but I think she likes the quiet. She gets yelled at a lot at work.

We are the only ones here. There were a few elderly women, but they left a while ago, smiling approvingly at our piety as they left the building. The sweet darlings. They have bought my lie and will now have to live the rest of their lives with its shoddy production.

I give a meaningless little prayer for the both of them. Front and center, Korean Jesus looks down at us sternly.

The candles lit some way beneath him sway side to side like mesmerized cobras. I watch them, my eyes arrested as if by a lava lamp, my thoughts fading to the background. My head already feels less dense, as if layers of stress are being peeled away from my scalp. Refreshing.

Ayano's feeling it too. Though I think she might be on medication. She seems to be enjoying the atmosphere a little too much.

"Hey Kagami"

"Mm?"

"I've always wondered what it was like in those confession-booth thingies"

"Confessionals"

"Right. Confessionals. It's a genius idea, really. Like, you get to confess all those things you can't get straight in your head. That's pretty profound. People need that. To have someone to talk to, I mean"

"They can talk to their friends and family"

"Yeah, but, I mean, with a confessiony-"

"Confessional"

"Right, with a confessional you don't really know the person. And maybe that's the point. Aren't there things about yourself you would never admit to the people you love? Things you have to tell _someone_ about, but can't?"

So many things! "I guess"

"I think that's a beautiful thing." She tops talking and just sort of fidgets in that way people do when they want to talk about something they've been avoiding.

I beat her to the punch. "Do you…want to go in the confessional?"

"Yes!" She smiles. I really should make sure she isn't abusing that medication.

The confessional, I can tell, is larger than most on the priest's side. I wonder why that might be. Maybe he's just a large man.

"No-one's in"

"Crap!"

I play the good friend card. "Ayano, is there maybe something you want to talk about?"

She fidgets again, "Sorta, um…"

I don't know why I say it. Call it women's intuition. "You want to talk about it in the confessional?"

She likes this idea. Both of us squeeze into the priest's side. Ayano is too claustrophobic to take the confessor's booth, and there is more than enough space in here to accommodate us. To set the mood a little better I shut the door.

"Right. So, what can I help you with my child?"

"Ew, don't say that. It sounds creepy coming from you"

"What? Me specifically? _How_? Ugh, nevermind. Just talk to me"

"Well I can't when you're being mean about it"

My hands clench and unclench in their jacket pockets, "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Please, Ayano, tell me what's wrong. I'm here for you"

She seems more relaxed now, "Well. Okay, it's just lately I've been thinking about M-"

Suddenly someone rushes into the confessor's side and bolts the door closed. Ayano and I look at each other, our faces frozen rictuses of surprise. We stay perfectly still, not making a sound.

"Hello? Is anyone in there? I…I gotta get something off my chest." A man's voice. Irish accent.

"What do we do?" Ayano mouths. I shrug.

"Hello?" The man bangs on the screen. Anyone there? Answer me!"

I make as if to speak, Ayano vigorously shakes her head. I speak anyway, putting on my best creepy priest impression. It is spot on. "What can I help you with my child?"

Ayano gapes. I smile. This could be fun.

"Oh, father. Father," he starts sobbing. How many people have I made cry today? "Father, I've sinned. I've sinned and I can never make up for it"

"What is the nature of your sin?" Ayano makes vigorous "let's go!" motions with her hands.

"I…ya can't tell no-one father. I can't have people knowing what I've done"

"Tell me my child. Unburden yourself"

I hear a click on the other side of the screen that makes my blood run cold. "I have a gun to my head now father, and before I pull the trigger I need someone to hear what I gotta say"

"Excuse me?" Ayano blurts, I cover her mouth. I mouth at her to shut up.

"Is there anyone else in there with you?" The man demands, voice rising almost comically with panic.

"No! I'm just surprised! Why are you trying to kill yourself!? Suicide is never the answer! Er, my child"

This seems to placate him, "For what I done there is no forgiveness." He takes a deep breath, "Because…because of me…" I can picture him in his booth clutching his head as he starts crying again.

I sit and wait for him to compose himself.

"Because of me a little girl is dead"

"You're a murderer?"

He moans, "Oh dear God, I'm no murderer. It was an accident! I never woulda done it! Never in a million years would I hurt a child. The dear lord in heaven knows this to be true but…I did! I murdered a little girl! That's why…that's why I have to die. I gotta pay for what I done"

There's that clicking sound again, I swallow. "How did you kill her? Why?" I barely keep from stuttering. Ayano has dialed emergency services and is talking to them in hushed tones. Thankfully he's too far gone to hear her.

"I was trying to shoot someone else. A bad man. I…I wasn't thinking! All I could see was him running away from me and…and I kept shooting. Oh God, when I was done, when the anger left my body, only then did I see the crowds." He seems all cried out now, but his voice is now filled with a grim determination, "I hit her in the head. A little girl with blue hair. I killed her. And now I gotta pay for it."

I don't think, a haze washes over me, makes me go numb. I don't feel the splinters stabbing into my skin as my hands punch through the screen, I don't quite feel his hair as I grab it in my fists, and I certainly don't feel his head rocking the confessional as I repeatedly slam it against the wood.

I kick open the door and drag him out. The gun lies forgotten on the floor.

"It was you!" I stomp on his ribs and punch his face. I hold my cellphone to his face with Konata's picture on the Screen. He looks at it, astonished. "Is this the girl!? Did you shoot her?!"

"Yes," he gurgles.

"Kagami stop!"

I don't stop until my hands bleed. I don't stop until the cops haul me off of him.

* * *

Holding is a joyous place.

It's not as dirty as the movies might have you believe, and it definitely isn't as bad as jail. But it certainly isn't the ray of sunshine I was hoping it would be.

Tsukasa would get a kick out of this if she could see it. Here I am, hunched on this bench while grown men cast wary glances at me. Or at my bandaged knuckles anyway, they're still bloody from the recent pummeling. There was a fragment of skull in there that the police had to remove before throwing me in here.

(The first rule of fight club…)

I really, really hope the other guy is okay. He was conscious, but he wasn't saying anything. He refuses to press charges, which is good. But assault, Assault on a police officer, desecration of public worship space; I didn't even know that last one was a viable charge. I thought they were joking. God I'm supposed to be a lawyer.

Ayano was more of a mess than I was, blubbering to me from across the bars that she would get help. Where are we supposed to get the money for my bail? Neither of us has it, that's for sure. Unless we dip into our collective savings. I really hope she's okay. She doesn't need any more stress right now.

Neither do I, jeez, my knuckles hurt. I don't think I've ever punched a person in my life. I don't think I've even slapped someone.

I sigh, zipping up my jacket to ward off the cold. (Plus that guy over there is ogling my chest. You want some guy? Check out my hostile glare. That's right, walk away. I'm good at punching people apparently. You don't want none of this.)

No matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about Konata. Misplaced anxiety worries at my heart, I know she's probably safe but I just have to know where she is. Everything I've been worrying about comes to a head and it's driving me crazy. You know that feeling where you've been worrying about something for days? That Inkling worry that hobbles your routine because you just can't stop thinking about it? I though i had gotten rid of that feeling. Obviously not.

I really, really hope I haven't ruined things with Konata. I'm sitting in holding, my hands are a mess, and all I can think about is that girl.

Where is she?

"Kagami Hiiragi?" A police officer is opening the door. "Your bail has been posted, you're free to go"

Really? Who did Ayano get? Who do we know with that much money? Oh Jesus, I really, really hope it isn't Miyuki. She has enough to hang over me as it is.

It isn't, for which I am grateful. I am confused however as, waiting for me in the lobby is a very intimidating blonde woman wearing the creepiest shades.

"Hey there"

"You posted my bail?"

"No, that was my employer"

She says 'employer' like a seventies gentleman says 'the Godfather.' "Why? Who are you?"

She ignores that, "Come with me please"

* * *

The woman escorted me outside the station to the very definition of a black unmarked car. I was really sketched out at first but then she took off her sunglasses and in a weird way it made everything alright. Neat trick.

She drove us to a hotel in a part of town I had never been to before. I call it a hotel, but it's more of a bunker that counter-intuitively decided to grow up instead of down. It has a security system to match, and of hustle and bustle, there is none. Nanako, as the woman has introduced herself, pleasantly and politely ignores all my questions.

It is in this hotel that I learn some interesting things.

As it turns out Ayano wasn't entirely honest with us about her job. I can't even remember how many times she came home shaking over how upset her boss made her. Misao and I were starting to get really worried there. I mean, we thought she was getting abused or something.

Well, she is getting abused, but as it turns out she's been giving as much as she gets.

"You idiot! The Marquiss can't impregnate the maid! We've been hinting that he's actually a woman for like six-hundred chapters already!"

"But it _has_ to go that way! He/she's not an important character and SOMEONE needs to be pregnant! The story doesn't work without someone getting pregnant to travel back in time!"

"Enough with this time-travelling shit! IT DOESN"T WORK!" Ayano cradles her head, "oh god I'm getting another migraine. You're giving me a migraine! Just come up with a different idea! End of discussion!"

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!" The other woman makes a visible effort to stifle further shouting, marching to her ancient-looking couch and screaming into a pillow.

"What is this nonsense?" I ask Nanako, pointing at the nonsense.

"Oh, they're like this all the time. Ms. Minegishi is Hiyori's most competent editor to date, by which I mean she's been with us for more than six months"

Said editor is waving Nanako over, "Nanako, Nanako, aspirin"

Nanako produces a glass of water and an aspirin, I assume from nowhere because she hasn't moved since we got in. Ayano shuffles over and downs the whole thing like a pro, like overworked lawyers do in the movies. Only then does she notice me.

"Kagami!" Ayano is the most maternal person I know, and the motherliness of her hugs gives actual mothers a run for their money. "You had me so worried! I'm so glad you're out of jail"

"It wasn't jail, it was holding"

"Don't give me that!" She baps me on the head. Probably the most physical violence she is capable of. It's like getting hit with one of those inflatable squeaky hammers, which is more cute than it is painful. "I was worried sick! Where do you get off beating up random psychopaths!? We should have left when we had the chance! I told you!" She baps me with each syllable as if to enunciate her outrage.

I laugh, "Ayano where did you get the money to bail me out? Please tell me you didn't dip into your savings"

"No I didn't. I…called in a favor"

"From your boss?" I eye the woman on the couch, lowering my voice, "The terrible one? Is that her?"

In an instant said terrible boss jumps cat-like off the couch and sprints over, "Terrible? Terrible!? Ayano what awful things have been saying about me?"

"Nothing that isn't true," Ayano grumbles

"You see how she treats me? I'm Hiyori Tamura by the way. And yes, I am the magnanimous individual who posted your bail"

"Thank you, Ms. Tamura. I really, really appreciate it."

She nudges Ayano in the ribs, "So polite! Nothing like what I was expected, given the charges. I was expecting more…I don't know, bondage butch." She takes a step back as if scrutinizing a piece of art, "Instead, we're very Motoko Kusanagi aren't we? It's the jacket that does it, really"

I look questioningly at Nanako. She smiles at me and shrugs.

"Nanako!" Hiyori snaps, "Bring me my sketchpad!"

Nanako produces it from nowhere and hands it over, clicking a mechanical pencil into function and handing it over as well. I can't tell if she's a bodyguard or a butler. Hiyori automatically begins drawing me.

"Ms. Tamura-"

"Please, call me Hiyori. Ms. Tamura is my mother. Who's dead, so…yeah, innapropro. No-one calls me 'Ms. Tamura' but my underlings…" She looks pointedly at Ayano, "and the publishing company." Ayano bristles at this and baps her on the head.

"Okay, Hiyori. Thanks for bailing me out. I know how expensive it must have been"

"Bah! Money is no object, darling. I'm a rich literary genius. Sort of. I'm a manga-artist genius. So kinda the same thing." She focuses on my hands. Blood has soaked the bandages quite thoroughly. "Ooooh, I didn't see those," she vigorously starts erasing and re-drawing.

"Um, I won't be able to pay you back right away, but-"

"Pay me back? Pay me back!? Who said anything about paying me back? Ayano, did you say she had to pay me back?"

"No"

"I should hope not! I'm not some crime lord accumulating favors over here!" Nanako snorts, "I'm just an artist! A tortured artist with some love to spread around. I bailed you out because my editor asked me to, and I need her to curb my crazy!" She's getting more and more agitated and it's really freaking me out. "I mean, I get really lonely up here y'know? And I'm not even embarrassed about that anymore because the alternative is leaving this place, and I can't! Not without Nanako. Because if I do someone will kill me or worse! Gah!"

"Hiyori calm down!" Ayano yells. The artist deflates and throws away the pencil with a wobbly arm.

"There. There, it's done." She shows me her work, sweating and panting.

I take the pad and my breath catches.

I don't think I have ever seen myself rendered, in photos or otherwise, in such stunning composition. Seriously, I look like someone's bloody-knuckle muse. I look beautiful, but dangerous. Like, this is a person you would want to kiss, but cautiously.

The jacket makes me look pretty cool too.

"This is amazing"

"Yeah I know. Sorry about earlier, I get pretty worked up sometimes"

I look at her straight in the eyes and hold up one bloody fist, "I understand completely"

"Yeah, don't worry though. About the bail money. I'm rich, I can afford stuff like that, and you seem to be good people"

I flip through her sketchbook. "These are all really good. Oh, sorry, was I not supposed to look?"

"Quite alright darling. Nanako, help me to the couch"

I keep flipping until one page stops me in my tracks. My train of thought derails into a huge fiery mess on the middle of the countryside, and everything that has happened to me recently; all the stress, blood and fatigue. It goes away and all I feel is numb.

I hold up the drawing of Konata.

"When did you draw this?"

* * *

This was more of a transitional chapter, as you will see.


	9. The Search 3

"Hey Konata"

Her voice sounds small, shy. I haven't heard that voice in a while. I smile without opening my eyes. "Hey"

"Uh…how've you been?"

"Pretty good. I've been figuring some stuff out."

"What kind of stuff?"

"My feelings, my memories; that kind of stuff"

"And you're doing that by…?"

"Meditating"

"Meditating?"

"Yup. Hiyori taught me how the other day. She does it to stave away her many, many night-terrors"

"To be honest I thought you would sound more surprised to see me," the edge of my lips quirk upwards in amusement, "I mean hear me, whatever"

"I've spent the last two days trying to remember my past life through some bogus mindfulness exercises." I open my eyes and she's sitting cross-legged in front of me, mirroring my own posture. The room is lined with wooden slats; a cavernous dojo, with the large bay windows of an Elle décor catalogue. The overcast sky barely allows light inside, so it's pretty dim. It is just starting to rain, delicate drizzle slaps against the glass.

"It didn't work. Obviously. But..." I smile at her, "It has had an interesting side-effect. In the last two days, all I could think about was you. So no, I'm not really surprised to see you"

I don't know why I knew it, but I knew that would fluster her.

Ha! There it is! Can I make this girl blush, or can I make this girl blush?

And then I see her hands.

"Oh my god, what happened?!" I un-cross my legs and settle closer to her, taking her hands gingerly in mine. They feel more fragile than they likely are.

"Oh yeah, about that. I think I met the guy who shot you in the head. Maybe. In hindsight my evidence is pretty circumstantial." She sighs, "It's been a weird couple of days, I reconnected with Miyuki, I beat the guy who maybe shot you-"

"You 'beat' somebody?"

"Er, I pummeled his face with my fists, yes. The guy who," she gestures the back of my head, "MIGHT have shot you"

I look down at her hands, then back at her. How can she admit something like that and still look so adorably shy? Ah, I'm holding her hands. Let's have some fun here. "Wow, you beat someone up for me? My hero." I put one of the hands on my cheek, "Very symbolic, I feel like I'm in an anime"

She swallows. I savor her embarrassment like the sweetness of a warm chocolate coronet. It is delicious in my mind mouth.

"Why did you disappear on me like that?" Ooh, taste went a little sour. "If you had asked me for a little time, or even told me where you were going, I would have been fine, but you just…disappeared on me. And you left me with such a bogus message too! What the hell did you mean by 'do I like video games'?!"

Even the amnesia-ridden know that if you want to make a person feel bad, you don't get mad, you get disappointed. Or even worse, you get upset and start crying. Guess which one Kagami went with.

"Are you crying?"

"No, I'm not crying," She wipes her eyes, all embarrassed, "okay fine, I'm crying. I didn't think I would but I am now and I can't make it stop. Fuck, hold on." She sniffles and wipes away tears with her jacket sleeve. "I'm just so happy to see you," she laughs a little and I'm startled to see that she's not angry, sad or disappointed at me or anything.

She's just glad to see me. And now I feel even _worse_.

"Jeez, you're making me feel guilty here Kagami, if you don't stop you're going to get me crying too"

"Hah, dummy," her smile fades just a bit, "seriously, why did you disappear like that? I went a little crazy looking for you"

"I'm sorry! I had to think things out! You kind of came out of nowhere with that kiss and I had to, I don't know, put things in perspective"

"By coming to this sketchy hotel?"

"It's not _that_ sketchy, or at least not after you've met Hiyori. She's a friend. Besides, this place is very calming"

"Well? After all your thinking…what did you come up with?"

I feel my cheeks heating up. I turn and stand so that she can't see me, walking to one of the magnificent bullet-proof windows. "Honestly? I don't know what I feel"

She lets out disappointed sigh, "Oh…"

"You know what's pretty weird though? I'm kind of thankful I got shot, I'm GLAD I have a bullet in my head. I think…I think I was a pretty sad person before all this happened. Kind of lonely, even though I have such good friends. I can empathize with her a little, the past Konata, I mean."

She stands up and takes a few steps closer to me, I withdraw, only a bit, and she stops.

"I have trouble meeting people, and god, am I awkward at parties. I guess that's why I hung on so closely to the friends I had. But even though things are probably better for me now, I really, really wish I could be that old Konata again.

"I wasn't lying when I said all I could think about was you. I wish I could go back and, I don't know, muster the courage to talk to you or something. That past Konata, I feel so sad for her. If I had never got shot then I probably would have gone on pretending you didn't exist. Those first couple conversations would have been weird and awkward, but look at us now, we're friends right?

"Well….unless I read it wrong. Forgive me if I make things awkward right _now_, but it sounded like you want a little more than friendship." I turn to her, and she's fidgeting with those bloody, bandaged, badass hands of hers. "Er, _am_ I wrong?"

"No you aren't wrong. To be honest I thought I was being pretty obvious about it, though in hindsight I suppose I could have communicated it better than a few of longing glances"

"Ha! Is that what those were? I guess it _was_ pretty obvious. I just never thought…I never expected that, I don't know, I didn't think I had a realistic chance at romance, much less a chance with someone like you"

She cautiously steps forward and all of a sudden she's giving me that longing look again and I feel embarrassingly vulnerable, rendered almost speechless with nerves.

"I guess I went about this the wrong way. I acted too fast. I don't know what it is you think about me, but I'm really not that great. If you spent even two days in my head you'd realize that I'm just an insecure girl, a little temperamental, and more than a little corny. I get violent sometimes for no reason, and I get really embarrassed about my own feelings.

"Oh, and I have a huge crush on you. Please go out with me"

If I wasn't speechless before, I am now, though only for a few seconds before incredulity sets it. "Now I _really_ feel like I'm in an anime," I laugh albeit nervously.

"Is that a no…or…?"

I haplessly search for an answer, "I don't know Kagami, I like you, but this is all really sudden!"

"Can't you give me a solid 'yes' or 'no'? The suspense is killing me here!" She gets just a bit closer, "I know exactly what you were talking about before! I really wish I had the courage to talk to you back then! It took you taking a bullet for me to get off my ass and even talk to you! But You're still as wonderful as I remember, even better even!

"Well I'm trying to be brave again and it's really hard, but if I don't ask you then …I'll regret it for the rest of my life, so, will you at least think about going out with me?"

She's is crestfallen at my continued hesitation, but perks up as an idea occurs to her.

"If you still aren't certain, I guess we could…make sure." She tilts my head with a finger, turning up the charm. Her voice is still nervous, but it's coated by a playful huskiness. "You've read enough manga to know what I'm proposing here"

Despite myself I laugh. "You know, I'm not even sure I'm gay"

"Again, we're just going to make sure," she whispers, apparently casting caution to the wind. Her face is just inches from mine, I can feel her breath on my lips. It isn't some cliché romance smell, just a normal breath, and the only thing she smells like is rain and sweat. But it's still pleasantly overwhelming. As I close my eyes, I don't notice myself lean in.

She kisses me, hesitantly at first, but as a second passes and I don't recoil, she gains the confidence to go a little further. Her lips are soft and pleasantly warm, not forceful, but certainly not passive either. I decide to kiss her back, mobilizing what little instincts I have for these situations by tilting my head to the side and extending my height to my tip-toes.

She brings her arms around my waist and holds me tight. It's a little awkward, mostly because of my clumsiness, but she takes over (Again! Arg!), planting short, gentle kisses on my lips, and then another long one. I clutch at her jacket, gasping as she leaves my lips and trails kisses down the side of my neck and gently biting at the bottom. It. Feels. Really. Goood~

Belatedly I realize her lips are there long enough to leave a hickey. I feel the tickling sensation of her smile against my skin. As soon as I realize this I put my hands up to stop her.

"Okay…okay…wow. That was…okay"

"Only okay, huh?"

"No, I meant- oh shut up!" I bap her on the head and she laughs. "Where's this cockiness coming from missy? I didn't say it worked for me or anything"

"Can you honestly tell me you didn't enjoy that, even a little"

"…No"

"Right. So at least we know you have _some_ lesbian tendencies"

"Bah!" I proclaim dramatically, wriggling in her arms, "How presumptuous!"

"Konata, you obviously enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with liking girls"

"Hmm, maybe I just like _you_, have you thought of that?" I clap my hands to my mouth. "Er, joking aside," I muffle, looking up at her, "maybe we forget I just said that embarrassing thing"

She visibly quells her desire, and her hold on me tightens and untightens. Finally: "Not a chance." She gently pries my hands away with one hand. Leaning in close, she says "I think I'm feeling some déjà vu, right about now"

"…Yeah?" My eyes almost flutter closed by the weight of the intimacy.

She kisses me again.

* * *

If this was my last waking moment, I think I could die happy. But if this is a dream, well, I've had this dream before. Waking up sucks.

I surreptitiously pinch myself. I don't wake up. This isn't a dream.

Oh thank god. This Konata is real. The excruciating pain in my hands is real. The texture of her lips on mine is real.

…

….

….

WOOHOOO!

* * *

I feel a hand sneaking its way up the back of my shirt, "Kagami!" I yelp, startled, "A little soon don't you think?" This stops her, and though she looks contrite, there's this goofy look in her eyes that makes me smile even as I'm admonishing her.

"Huh? Oh, sorry"

"Pervert!"

"Yes. Yes I am," she grins maddeningly.

I bap her on the nose, "Well then no more kissing for you." She looks like a puppy that's had its favorite toy taken away. In her own dumb way she's making me feel more wanted than I have ever felt in my short memory, probably my entire life. "Oh don't look at me like that. Earth to Kagami! Come back to me! Stop undressing me with your eyes"

She composes herself, though she doesn't let go. "Sorry, okay, I'm good now. Just got…got little carried away"

"Kagami, I don't know if I'm ready for-"

"Oh! Yeah, totally! No pressure! Er, does this mean you'll be ready in the future or…hold on, this _does_ mean you'll go out with me, right?"

"Jeez! The answer's kind of obvious by now isn't it?"

"OK just checking," She ducks her head so her bangs cover her eyes, though her smile is so large that it threatens to split her face. She hugs me a little tighter, suppressing her own giddiness, and sighs into my shoulder, "Uh, can we stay like this a little longer? I won't try anything I swear, I just wanna take this in"

The heat returns to my cheeks twofold, "Yeah…okay"

We lower ourselves to the floor, and I settle to assume a more comfortable position. She adjusts her arms accordingly, though not once does she really let go. So corny. Once I'm satisfied, we just sit there, watching the rain fall down outside the window; she absentmindedly strokes my hair. A little moment in time. Okay, I think I can do this. I think I'm looking forward to this.

"Konata?" She murmurs.

"Yeah?"

"I do like video games, but I really, really suck at them"

"Oh." A piece of the world slides into place, and I giggle. "Have you been thinking about that this whole time?"

"Yeah it was really confusing, what did you even mean?"

"I was talking to myself really; something about running away from the possibilities" I nuzzle her shoulder, "…It doesn't matter now"

* * *

"Stop grinning like that, it's creepy"

"Ayano, why do you think everything I do is creepy? Like, can't be secure in my non-creepiness without you getting all up in my grill?"

"Okay, usually I'm just teasing you but you've been smiling like crazy ever since we left the hotel and it is giving me a bona fide case of the willies"

"The willies?"

"Yes, a man name willy has taken up residence in the cluster of my brain that stimulates fear, and he's stimulating the shit out of it. He'll only stop when you stop grinning"

"This is a new side to you Hiyori"

"No it's not. I told you, working for Hiyori changes a person. It changed me. I just thought I should hide this anger-fueled side of myself whenever I'm home. I like being able to bitch about my boss without people pointing out that I'm just as mean"

"Wow. Does Kusakube know?"

"What? Oh, nah. I haven't seen him in a while. We aren't actually dating anymore"

"What!? Does Misao-"

"No, Misao doesn't know. This is actually what I wanted to talk to you about in the church-booth thingy before-"

"Confessional"

"What? Oh shut up. Stop correcting me. This is what I wanted to talk to you about in the _confessional_ before you went all bitch-nasty on that suicidal guy"

"Okay, this is a lot to take in, and it's seriously harshing on my buzz right now"

"Oh, I'm sorry my problems inconvenience you"

"No, I didn't mean…no, you're right. My bad, let's talk this out"

Ayano shakes her head, taking one hand off the wheel to pat me on the shoulder, "No, it's alright. We can talk about this later. You savor your moment. It's pretty obvious what happened anyway"

"Oh yeah?"

"Pfff, of course yeah. It's so frickin' obvious I can see it in your goofy face. This is how you were like when you asked out Miyuki, only like one-hundred times worse"

I giggle and hug myself, pretending Konata is still in my arms, "Kyaaaa! Is it really so bad!? I'm sorry, but I'm just so happy right now I could die! We have a date on Friday and everything!" My hands pulsate with pain as they press too hard on my shoulders, "Ouch! Fuck!"

"Sometimes you're so girly, and then you ruin it by saying something like that"

"Oh shut up"

"Well?" She asks in a tone of voice that, though amused, brooks no joking.

"Well what?"

"Was it everything you dreamed it would be?"

I smile, looking out of the car window into the rain, "Nope. It was soooo much better than I dreamed"

Speaking of dreams.

* * *

Here I am again in Konata's hospital, the creepy room with the little pink-haired girl and the disturbing portraiture emerging from what I'm pretty sure is a bullet-hole. I am sitting on a folding chair in the middle of this room, while the girl is leaning placidly against my leg, stacking chess pieces on top of each other like Lincoln logs (though she is doing it in such a way that suggests something tawdry is afoot). She is wearing a simple yet elegant gothic lolita dress, the kind that costs an arm and a leg.

I say I'm sitting on the chair, but I am more collapsed on it, very much exhausted. I don't have the strength to even turn my head. My eyes, though, are free to swivel about, but for the most part they fixate on the wall's new addition:

Framed images of me and Konata making out in Hiyori's meditation dojo. Easily my fondest memory to date.

"It's a nice picture huh?"

"Yes, it is, I really like it," I think the words rather than speak them, as I am too weak to move my mouth. Apparently this is enough to respond.

"You would, ya pervert"

"Hmph, I don't need to take that from a mysterious little ghost girl"

"No, you don't," she concedes, "for what it's worth I'm happy for you. But what happens," she gets up and walks to the bullet hole, "if I do this?"

She gingerly reaches into the hole and plucks the copper butt from where it protrudes. It comes off like a grape from a vine. Something in the air tingles. To my horror, all the images accumulating around the bullet begin to shimmer and fade. Some of them begin to peel off, floating airily to the ground.

I want to catch them; I want to stick them back to the wall, to recreate the sentimental collage. But I can't move, lethargy weighs down on my body like a lead coat.

I feel sad at first, as the last image, the most recent one of me and Konata in the dojo, falls to the ground. But looking at the empty wall, it seems appropriate somehow.

I wake up calmly, as if I had never dreamed at all.

I walk groggily out of my room to find Nanako and some indigo-haired girl intertwined and passed out on my couch.

I look at Misao who is seated on the floor, failing at Touhou and having a blast doing it. I gesture to the sleeping pair.

"What"

* * *

Autor's note: Still have a lot to go through. Will edit this later


	10. Intermission (AKA: Nanako's date)

When I see her just sitting there alone at her table, fiddling with chess pieces, I rush to hug her before she can spot me, taking her little form in my arms and squeezing the love out of it

"Akira! It's so good to see you!"

"Gack! Konata! Hurting! Ribs! Broken!"

I set her down, and she gasps and wheezes, "Still keeping at it with the chess thing, eh?"

"It's my quirk, gotta stay consistent"

"Is your theme also gothic Lolita? Why are you wearing that anyway?"

"Had some business to take care of." She sizes me up for a few seconds, turning her face bashfully to the side and mumbling something.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said it's good to see you too"

"Hya! You're so adorable Akira!"

"Argh! Let go of me!"

When I finally set her down, she shows me to her room, and it occurs to me that in all my time at the hospital I had never been in here. It's pretty much a mirror image of what my own room used to be, only her bed has straps on it. I wonder if they have to restrain her often, but I don't comment.

"So, how've you been?"

"That some kind of joke? I'm still in the hospital, and my Mom still doesn't visit me. How do you think I've been?"

Guilt is a wound best assuaged by apology, "I'm sorry I haven't come to visit you yet, I had a lot on my mind"

Her anger deflates, "Don't worry about it, I'm glad you came at all. Better late than never"

"Where's Minami? I thought I would have seen her by now." Akira laughs, long and hard, banging her fist on the table and uprooting some chess pieces. "What? What's so funny?"

"It's just funny you should ask." Akira slides her cellphone over to me, opened on her text messages, of which there are a lot. I pick it up and scroll through them.

"Holy shit, is any of this true?"

"All of it is true. Give them a read." I move my chair beside her so we can read them together.

* * *

**What happened to Minami:**

A cellphone starts ringing in the midst of a room full of artists, disturbing their work.

"Is someone going to get that?" Demands the head artist, not looking up from her laptop. The ringing continues and a vein pops in her forehead, "Whose phone is that!? Who keeps the stupid default ringtone anyway?!"

The other artists begin to shift nervously in their seats. It is not their phone, but they do not want to risk going and turning the offending device off for fear of catching their employer's considerable ire.

"Ayano! Could you find that stupid thing and throw it out the window?"

"You get it!"

"Ayano, so help me god, I will vomit blood on you"

Ayano sighs, shoving down a draft and shuffling over to the couch and rifling through the cushions. It isn't in there. She eventually follows the noise to a leather jacket slung haphazardly over the television. Her eyes widen and she fishes out the phone from one of the pockets.

"Well!? Turn it off!"

"It's Nanako's phone"

Hiyori pauses, removing her glasses as she looks up, "Answer it"

Ayano wouldn't usually, but she too is curious. She presses the answer button and holds the phone against her ear. "Hello?"

After a little discussion Hiyori shouts, "Is it her agency?"

Ayano holds the receiver against her hand so the person on the other end can't hear. "No," she says dazedly, "It's a girl asking Nanako out on a date"

Hiyori leaps from her desk, clearing the desks of two of her assistants before sprinting over and snatching the phone from Ayano's hand.

"Hello! Hello! Is it true!? Who am I talking to?!" Several minutes of involved discussion ensue in which Hiyori steps all over her bodyguard's privacy and free-will. Ayano half-heartedly tries to stop her, but is halted by the revelation that Nanako has a love life.

Minutes later Nanako emerges from the bathroom to find Hiyori manically grinning up at her. Ayano sort of sidles in the background, trying to look like she isn't interested.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

"You have a date, darling!"

"Huh?"

"You have a date! A girl called and asked you out!"

"What!? You answered my phone? Hiyori-!"

"Who is she!? Where'd you meet her? Ooh, I'm so excited for you!"

"Ayano, what is going on!?"

"I'm sorry! Your phone was ringing and we had to pick it up, and then Hiyori just came out of nowhere and answered-"

"Never mind the details!" Hiyori interrupts. The assistants just shake their heads and keep working, keeping one ear perked to eavesdrop on the unfolding drama. They too, are very curious about Nanako's love life. "You have a date with a Minami Iwasaki tonight! We have to get you ready!"

"Who!? Konata's nurse? I gave her my number weeks ago but- wait hold on, tonight!?"

"Indeed! I've taken the liberty of drawing some sketches of things you could wear!"

"Wait a minute! I don't know if I can do this! It's such short notice!"

Hiyori looks up at her grumpily, "What were you going to do tonight anyway that isn't better than going out with a beautiful young woman?"

"You have no idea what she looks like! And need I remind you that I was going to do my job and protect you?"

"Details, " Hiyori dismisses, "I'm just going to be here anyway, and this hotel is impenetrable. And don't pretend like you're hard at work here. You were probably going to stay up and play one of your MMOs, and if you would rather do that then have a chance at getting laid then I feel sorry for you!"

"Hiyori I'm rusty and nervous okay? I don't think I can do this"

Hiyori stamps her foot. Her strategy of guilting Nanako into it didn't work, so…that just leads Plan B. Hiyori falls to her knees.

"Please, please, please, please, please, please do this! I get so crazy in here! And all that gets me by is my work, and living vicariously through you, and your life is almost as boring as mine!"

"Hey!"

"And come on, you know you want to right? What's the harm?" Cue the puppy dog pout.

Nanako looks at it for five seconds before pushing it away with her palm, "Argh! Fine, I'll do it! But if I crash and burn then it's all your fault"

"Yay!"

* * *

Nanako tugs nervously at the hem of her dress. Too short, too much skin on display. She feel's overexposed and countless hours of wearing a jacket and pants have made her sensitive to even slight breezes. She shivers a little at her table, the seat opposite her still empty.

"Wow, it really _has_ been a while since I've been out." She struggles with her nerves, bringing the glass of water to her lips and spilling a little on herself. "Crap." When she finishes wiping it down, she glances around for the umpteenth time and struggles not to pull her PSP out of her purse and start playing it.

Being caught playing video games while waiting for a date would be the height of uncool. So then why did she bring it in the first place? _Urgh, I feel naked without my sunglasses_. _Why did I ask Konata to give her my card? Why do I have to make stupid decisions when I'm high!?_

"Hello?" asks a gentle voice, Nanako turns and recoils at the cool beauty standing at the other end of the table, bedecked in form-fitting slacks and one of those elegant off-shoulder ponchos.

_So coooooool…._thinks Nanako, before snapping to her sense, "You must be Minami, uh, we've met at the hospital, I don't know if you remember"

"I remember"

"Oh, good. That's good," she notices that Minami is still standing and her heartbeat quickens in nervous confusion. _Is she waiting for an invitation? Is that a thing?_ "Uh, won't you take a seat?"

Minami nods and pulls out the chair, sitting atop it elegantly, in an elegant position while prostrating her napkin on her lap in a show of supreme elegance. Not once does her expression change. _Oh man, this girl is way out of my league. Who am I kidding over here with this stupid dress? I probably look like a giraffe in a sack!_

"You look beautiful in that dress." And just like that, Minami Iwasaki, whether she knew it or not, snagged Nanako Kuroi's heart and began to reel her slowly, inevitably, in.

Nanako blushes furiously, feeling more like a giggling schoolgirl than when she actually was a giggling schoolgirl. "Oh this old thing?! I just threw it on! Thanks though! Hahahaha," inner Nanako is bashing her head against a wall.

_What am I saying!?_

Minami simply nods and accepts a menu proffered by one of the waiters. Lost in Minami's eyes, Nanako doesn't notice the waiter waiting for her to accept the other menu, so he simply shrugs and leaves it in front of her. She eventually snaps out of her reverie, hoping that Minami hadn't spotted her staring. She snatches her menus and raises it over her face, pretending to peruse.

It takes a few minutes for her to realize that Minami isn't saying anything. They are sitting in silence that, to Nanako at least, is becoming more and more uncomfortable and it is driving her nervousness to ever-increasing levels.

"Er, have you decided what you want to get?"

"No, not yet"

"A-ah," Nanako retreats behind her menu, "Um, Minami, tell me about yourself, what kind of things do you like to do?"

"Hmm, maybe we should wait until after we've both ordered to get to know each other?" The question is delivered with such a lack of malice that Nanako is certain that it isn't meant rudely. Still, it feels like she's been punched in the gut with a hefty dose of awkward.

"O-okay"

_This date is stalling, need to regroup!_

As soon as they have both ordered Minami looks at her with that blank coolness that has Nanako's mind drawing a blank. _Need. To say. Something….!_

"So, Minami…"

"Yes?"

"Er….uh…I need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back!"

Minami follows her with her eyes as Nanako dashes away.

As soon as she gets there Nanako starts panting. She hadn't realized that amid the tension back at the table she had forgotten to breathe. _What is wrong with me!? I haven't been this uncool on a date since…ever!_

She shoves open a stall door, takes a seat, and looks through her contact list. Someone on that list is about to give her some advice, and they better hope that it's good.

_Hiyori? No fucking way._

_Ayano? Don't know her well enough._

_Konata? She probably knows even less than I do!_

_Mom? God no!_

Finally the scroller highlights a name that gives her pause. _Hmmm, we aren't very close friends, but she'll do._

She presses the call button, waiting through a few rings before the person on the other line picks up.

"Sensei? What's up?" Miyuki had never stopped calling her that, even years after graduation.

"Miyuki are you busy right now?"

"No, not really"

"Great! I need some advice"

"Uh, okay, what is it?"

"Right, I know we haven't spoken very much recently, so, uh, sorry if this is awkward"

"Nanako you can ask me anything"

"Really? Awesome. Okay, I'm on a date right now-"

"You _are_? You?"

"The hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, sorry. I guess…well, you used to be my teacher so you'll forgive me if I never saw you in any kind of relationship ever"

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence, really, you just helped me out so much right there"

"No need to be sarcastic. I already said I apologized"

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed out, I am bombing on this date"

"I'm sure you aren't doing that bad. Is that what you needed advice on?"

"Yeah"

"Well, okay. I guess the key here is just to calm down. Studies show that when you're around people you find attractive, your cognitive processes disrupt somewhat. So you just have to calm down and think about your feelings rationally"

"What kind of advice is that?"

"*Sigh* okay, what's the name of the guy you're with?"

"It's a girl"

"…"

"Hello?"

"Sorry. I was just surprised. I'm learning all kinds of things about you tonight. We really should hang out more. Like without Konata or Sebastian"

Nanako considers this, "Yeah we should actually"

"Okay, cool. Now what's this girl's name?"

"Er, Minami. Minami Iwasaki"

"…I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Minami Iwasaki"

"…"

"Miyuki?"

"Is she tall? Indigo hair? Doesn't really talk much?"

Nanako pulls the phone away from her ear and looks at it with one eyebrow raised, "Uh, yeah. How…how do you know that?"

"Minami Iwasaki graduated from high school with me. Nanako, she used to be in your class"

"….."

"Nanako?"

"…"

"Nanako," sound comes from the speaker indicating Miyuki is literally tapping on her cellphone, "Nanako are you there?"

"I'll call you back," Nanako breathes.

It is with new eyes that Nanako returns to the dinner table, eyes unmisted by Miyuki's revelation. She now sees it, she totally sees it. This is the girl who all the students always admired; the one the students said was perfect. She had good grades, if Nanako recalls correctly.

It isn't nervousness that plagues the former teacher now, it is…well, she doesn't know _what _it is, but it's seriously giving her pause.

"Ms. Kuroi," _Why is she calling me that!?Is it because she remembers when I was her teacher? _ "Are you feeling alright?"

"Oh, yeah, yes I am. Just had to, uh," Nanako catches herself before she can say anything embarrassing, "poop?"

_What did I just say!? AAAAAAAAAH!_

Minami seems unfazed by this, "Understandable. You can't underestimate the importance of a solid bowel movement"

"S-sure"

"Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

Nanako is confused. She _knows_, unequivocally, that this girl was in her class. "I'm a bodyguard, though I used to be a high school teacher," Nanako watches for a reaction.

Minami's expression doesn't change. "That's very interesting, I don't know many people who would go through such a drastic career change"

"Yeah, it was a weird transition, but I'm happier now"

"What sort of things do you do for fun?"

_Is it safe to say that I laze around playing video games?_ "I, uh, I work out when I can. To help me with my job, practice my martial arts and sharpshooting," _oh screw it_, "and I play video games. A lot"

"Oh? What kind of games do you play?"

A tricky question for gamers to answer. If they explain their particular interests to a non-gamer, then all that person hears is a bunch of nerdy nonsense that serves no real conversational purpose. In this instance, Nanako decides to avoid such awkwardness, "Um, it's pretty boring stuff really, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in that"

The girl who used to be her student smiles, probably the first time Nanako had ever seen her do so. It is breathtakingly gentle, and beautiful, and Nanako is embarrassed to be find herself even further enamored. "I'm very interested in you; I don't think you're boring at all"

* * *

The two of them have an uneventful dinner in which Nanako feels she stammers too much and Minami talks too little. After she was graced by the smile she was completely off her guard. The dinner felt really short, and there wasn't a whole lot of talking. Nanako suspects that Minami cut it short out of disinterest.

These feelings are banished however as Minami suggests they go to a dance club.

"Huh?"

"I know a good one that's really close. If you want to go, that is"

Desperate to keep the date going, Nanako agrees, and before long they are ushered into the bass-ridden interior of the Lalonde Lounge (security had waved the both of them right on through). Immediately Minami takes Nanako's hand and pulls her into the crowd, dancing close enough that the other dancers cannot mistake that the older woman is very much _with her_.

Minami dances slow for the quick rhythm of the music, but the movements are sensuous, and resonate with the beat in a way that has Nanako standing stock still for a few seconds. Then Minami smiles at her again, brushing her hand along Nanako's waist, and Nanako starts dancing too.

She would be the first to admit that she isn't a spectacular dancer, but she is one of those bad dancers that doesn't really care that they can't dance. Not that it would matter anyway. She is lost in Minami's eyes. As the beat gets quicker, Minami's movements quicken to match, and soon she is all but pressing against her former teacher, caressing her with her body in a way Nanako hasn't experienced in a long time.

Visited upon by arousal and dizziness, Nanako isn't sure how to react. Her hand move to meet the girl's hips when they are interrupted by a sudden change in music. They both stop dancing.

"I'll go get us some drinks," Minami says into her ear, the only way to be heard over the blare. Nanako numbly nods. This date is going places she did not anticipate at all.

She's pretty excited.

Drinks are brought, drinks are drunk. More dancing ensues. They don't talk very much at all, but Nanako has more fun that she has had in a very long time. The smiles Minami sends her way every now and then are intoxicating, and sometimes when she spins or raises her arms above her head, the poncho rides up a bit to reveal a sliver of tantalizingly creamy waist.

Nanako stares, trying to catch another glimpse of Minami's skin. Her waist, her arms, her neck; it is all very beckoning.

Minami catches her eyes, and Nanako knows she's been caught. She tries to parse it off by looking elsewhere, closing her eyes and pretending that she's lost in the music. She feels two hands cup her cheeks, and before she can open her eyes Minami is kissing her with some urgency, firmly, pushing them towards the wall where Nanako's back connects with a soft thud.

The other dancers pay them no attention and Minami presses herself flush against the older woman as her kissing intensifies. Nanako's hands wander under the poncho, exploring the surprisingly cool skin of her bare torso. She gropes for a bra, but does not find one.

Minami draws back a bit and the two of them look into each other's eyes. Is this where we are going? Are we really doing this?

"Sensei…"

"What did you-"

Whatever fateful discussion they were about to have is interrupted by the sound of several people shrieking in surprised horror. A young man, as it turns out, is having a seizure in middle of the dance floor, and the other club-goers make the counterproductive decision of congregating around him like a macabre audience, while also trying to give him space; an undulating throng doing absolutely nothing to help the convulsing man at its epicenter.

Finally someone has the sense to shout for a doctor, while a few like-minded people frantically type 911 into their cellphones.

Minami shoves her way through the crowd, shouting "I'm a doctor!" to get people to back the fuck off ("doctor" sounds more authoritative that "nurse," unfortunately). Nanako is at first unsure of what to do, but snaps out of it, and assists by bodily throwing some people out of Minami's way. No-one seems to mind, caught up by the pandemonium and sudden collective concern for the young man.

Minami conscripts some club-goers into holding him still, securing a jacket from the owner and making sure the young man's head is resting on it. She checks for a medical bracelet; there is none. Someone tries to put their wallet in his mouth, and she snaps at them (as the fact that it is a good idea is a fallacy).

Eventually the paramedics arrive, and since no-one apparently was with him, Nanako and Minami ride with the poor loner in the ambulance.

The two of them find themselves sitting awkwardly in a hospital waiting room.

After giving her account of what happened to the doctor, Minami turns to Nanako. "I apologize, it seems I've ruined our date"

"Don't be silly, you didn't ruin anything"

"Nevertheless…"

"It's okay, don't worry about it," Minami's apologetic face is too cute. "But before the whole episode happened, when we were, uh-"

"Kissing? You were fondling me if I recall"

"Yeah, that. You called me sensei"

"Is that strange? You were once my teacher, I suppose I lapsed for a moment there"

Nanako stares at her incredulously, "You remembered? _**I**_ barely remembered! Wait, nevermind. That's not what I wanted to ask. Just…you don't think there's anything wrong with this?"

Minami cocks her head to the side, "Should I?"

"No! I…guess not. But…I mean we were about to," Nanako considers, "Uh, y'know"

"I was expecting you to ask me to go your place"

"Really? I had no idea, I mean, I don't usually move that fast. Would you have said yes?"

Another confused head-cock, "Of course"

"A-ah. So this was one of _those_ kinds of dates," all of a sudden it makes sense why Minami abruptly took her to the dance club. "Oh." _That's pretty cool, I guess_. But Nanako was feeling like they had some serious non-verbal chemistry going. This, coupled with the confusion as to what to do about their former student-teacher relationship made her even more confused and, ultimately, somewhat dejected, though she still isn't entirely sure why.

"You misunderstand sensei"

"Eh?"

"I want to have sex with you. This does not mean I do not want a relationship with you"

"It doesn't?"

"I apologize. I am…pushy when it comes to these things. I feel as if I have been making you uncomfortable the whole night"

_You knew!? _"Er…"

"Please excuse my reticence. I was surprised when I saw you at the restaurant. It wasn't until then that I remembered who you were. Your usual attire is…not very feminine." Minami remembers the jacket and sunglasses very vividly, as its factor of intimidation was quite striking, if not somewhat intriguing.

"You're pretty direct, huh?"

"I am sorry. Am I offending you?"

"No, don't worry about it. Even if you were I'm pretty thick-skinned"

"Very well," Minami collects herself, "I wasn't sure how to react when I realized who you were. I even texted a friend for advice while you were in the bathroom. But somehow, when you came back…the realization made me…erhm. Sorry, this is difficult for me to admit"

"You are so cute and confusing. I'm just going to put that out there. Like how can you be up front about wanting to have sex with me and then get all shy about something like this?"

"Erhm"

"Sorry, please go on"

"…When I remembered that you were my teacher, that same authoritative woman who presided over homeroom…it made me…flustered"

"Flustered?"

"I felt…hot…and bothered"

"Oh…OH!"

"This is why I was so forward with you. As I'm talking I'm actually very worried that you think less of me because of this. Perhaps because I moved too fast, or because of my uncouth rambling which I am perpetuating right now." Minami sort of blushes. 'Blush' isn't the right word for what Minami is doing, though whatever it is, it is a recognizable sign of embarrassment and it makes Nanako's gaze soften considerably.

"Soooo…you _do_ like me right? You want to go on more dates and stuff"

"Yes. Very much so"

"And the fact that I used to be your teacher makes it…better?"

"Almost alarmingly so. Could I…do you mind if I call you sensei?"

The taller girl is almost too adorable when she gets like that. "Sure, you can call me sensei as much as you want"

And the two of them share one of those magical glances that seem to convey the oodles of understanding that long drawn-out conversations only barely scratch the surface of. Promised in this particular glance is a second date, and the guarantee of eventual sex. But they can wait a while longer.

The atmosphere is ruined (perhaps fortuitously, as only silence could have followed a glance as meaningful as that) by Ayano running panic-stricken into the room.

"I got here as fast as I could! Where is he!?"

Minami points her in the right direction, and barely receives a nod of gratitude before she is off to the young man's hospital room. Nanako just sort of stares after her in surprise.

When she emerges, thirty minutes later, it is with a red face fresh from crying and rage. Instinctually Nanako goes to comfort her, though the tentative hug is awkward because the two of them are really only work friends and do not know much about each other's personal lives.

"Are you okay?"

"No. Stupid bastard still has me down as his emergency contact," Ayano sniffs, "that doofus. He's just like his sister"

Not knowing what any of this really means, Nanako just pats Ayano on the back.

"Thanks for being there for him, even though I'm sure you had no idea who he is. He's my roommate's brother, my ex"

"A-ah"

"Ah jeez, you probably don't even care. You look fantastic by the way. I take it this is your date? Hi I'm Ayano Minegishi, pleased to meet you"

"Minami Iwasaki, a pleasure"

"Will you be okay?"

Another sniffle. "Good question. I will and I won't. I will because he's alright now, I won't because he's back in my life and this just complicates things." She wipes away the last of her tears, "But what about you though? The hotel's pretty far from this hospital, will you be okay getting a ride there? I can drive you"

"Can you maybe drive Minami as well?"

"Sure, where does she live?"

Minami tells her

"Whoa, that's pretty far too, in the opposite direction." Ayano thinks about it for a while, "Why don't you guys just spend the night at my place. Please, I insist. It's the least I could do. Tomorrow's Saturday so I don't think it should be too much trouble"

* * *

After a few seconds of nervous yet (insincerely) noncommittal shrugging, the three of them slip into Ayano's car and drive back to her apartment. The couch area, having plenty of cushions and (duh) couches, has enough room for Nanako and Minami to get comfortable. With the blankets ad pajamas Ayano provided them (because who can really go to sleep in a formal dress, unless drunk?), they assume sleeping positions awkwardly apart from each other.

"Sensei?" Minami whispers

"Yeah?"

"Can I sleep with you?" She probably means it literally, Nanako sighs, conciliatory. She might not ever figure out this stoic little (tall, really) goofball. But that's alright, she supposes, and she holds open her blanket for Minami to come in and snuggle.

Nanako briefly wonders again if this could be considered moving too fast, but as she lets Minami settle in next to her, spoons her and marvels at how cool her skin somehow manages to be, she can only fall blissfully asleep.

* * *

"She texted all of this to you?"

"Yeah, she's pretty weird huh?"

I look out the window, "I guess Kagami's in for a confusing morning"


	11. Getting Comfortable

Author's Note: I apologize for the jumping POVs

* * *

"Guys there's something I've been meaning to tell you"

"What's that?" asks Miyuki. Sebastian just makes a grunting sound that sounds vaguely inquisitive as he finishes the last of the nachos. On the TV the credits are rolling, and I summon up the nerve to say what I've been waiting to say for three hours. To my friends the atmosphere is comfortable, neutral. To me, the tension is palpable; a bezoar of nerves is wriggling about in my stomach, and each inhalation weighs a ton.

"I've been…" oh god this is hard, "I've been dating Kagami Hiiragi. For two weeks now"

Silence.

Miyuki and Sebastian look at each other, solemn-faced, saying nothing. I wait in impatient silence...I was expecting more of a reaction than this. Miyuki calmly puts down her mug, the sound of it deafening against the wood of the table. She sits up on the couch.

"Uh…guys?"

Wordlessly Sebastian rifles through his pocket, pulling out a neat fold of perfectly creased bills. He counts out a sizeable sum, holding them mournfully in his hand before leaning over and depositing them wearily into Miyuki's waiting palm.

"How did you know?" He asks her.

Miyuki counts her winnings, "Inside source. Don't you accuse me of cheating either. We never set any parameters"

"Dammit!"

"What the hell!? What is this?"

Miyuki offers me an apologetic smile, "We were betting on when you would actually admit that"

"If you didn't tell us until after a month, I would win. If you told us within a month, Miyuki wins"

"And you just told us, so I win." Miyuki giggles, "You were so cute doing it too. Really, you shouldn't have been so nervous"

I gawk at her, "What? But…but, you were the reason I was nervous! Didn't you two used to go out or something? Isn't this...awkward for you? Because it's been awkward for me, and I didn't even tell you!"

She shrugs, "Seriously Konata, its fine." She waves her newly-gained cash in my face, "I pretty much knew it was going to happen anyway"

"And you don't have a problem with it?"

"No, Konata," she sighs, "I do not have a problem with it. Unless she treats you bad," she holds up a fist, "if she does then you tell me"

I grasp for words, "You mean I just built this whole thing up in my head?"

"Shoulda built it up a little while longer," Sebastian mumbles, "I woulda won the bet"

"Oh hush, you lost. Deal with it"

Sebastian scratches the back of his head "So, basically we both knew, and you have nothing to worry about. Hell, even Nanako knew and she's off doing her own thing nowadays. It's cool. We know how…reticent you can be about these things" He lowers his voice to a 'just-between-you-and-me' soto, "So uh, what's it like in...you know, bed." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I can literally feel the heat of my cheeks reddening.

"Sebastian!" Miyuki admonishes, "That's none of our business! You don't have to tell him anything Konata." I can tell she's curious too.

"Er…we haven't…done anything yet. I mean we kiss but…that's about it"

Miyuki looks confused, "Really? That's strange."

"What? Why?" Insecurity comes easily to me.

"No, I mean...she usually doesn't wait this long." My eyes widen and I fidget uncomfortably. She immediately looks mortified with herself, "Don't take that to mean anything though! Don't let her rush you"

Suddenly serious Sebastian agrees with her, "Yeah. Only give up the goods when you're good and ready"

The embarrassment accumulates, broiling over like a volcano. "Jeez! We're the same age you jerks! Stop treating me like your little sister!"

They of course, do not stop, and proceed to double-team giving me hugs because of how adorable I am.

Jerks.

Still, amidst their tandem hugging, I'm glad I told them. There is something to this whole idea of being honest after all. I wish I could have known that a year ago.

* * *

"YOU WHAT!?" I hold the phone away from my ear as my sister keeps screaming into it.

"Why are you yelling?" I finally ask.

"I don't know. I'm just…it just seems too unlikely. Like, I never saw this happening ever in a million years. You're too much of a coward!"

"Gee, thanks. I'm going to deposit that little vote of confidence in this paltry bank account I call 'Tsukasa's faith in me'"

"Way convoluted metaphor there"

"Shut up. The convolutedness is meant to be ironic"

"Sure," she giggles, "Seriously though, I'm surprised. You finally get up the nerve to talk to her"

I cringe "Kinda. In a sense…" I consider the circumstances that reignited our friendship, "In a sense, yes, I did"

"You're not telling me something here"

"*Sigh* fine."

I tell her the whole story.

"Oh my, that's…that's extraordinary. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. I wouldn't take advantage of someone fresh out of the hospital"

"Isn't that what you did though?"

"What!? No! I waited a while first…I mean, she was fine by the time I made my move- Shit! Stop making me look like a sex criminal"

"I don't know. I've seen pictures of her, she kind of looks like a kid. I don't care how old she is, that's jailbait right there"

I pinch the bridge of my nose to void an oncoming headache. "Look, if you're going to be an asshole about this..."

Another laugh, "No, no, I'm sorry. Really, I _am_ happy for you. I am. I'm just a little taken aback is all. I mean, wow, Konata Izumi, it's been years since I've seen her. And you've had that weird little crush for so long. I kind of half-expected you to build her up so tall in your head that you would get disappointed with the real thing"

My back to the wall, I slide down to the floor. "I was afraid of that too, actually." I close my eyes, smile, "But…Konata, she's…she's perfect"

"Oh my gosh"

"What?"

"Are you," she pauses, as if considering what to say, "are you in love?"

"..."

"Is that what's going on right now? Are little cartoon hearts swapping places with your pupils every time you see her? Does time slow down?"

"Shut up! Fine! Yes, I'm in love with her!"

"Ohmigod!"

"But I haven't told her yet. We haven't even had sex"

"…"

"Tsukasa?"

"You haven't had sex? No sex for...what's it been, two weeks?"

I can already see where this is going, "Yessss…"

"Wow. That's all I'm going to say. Wow." She pauses, "Okay nevermind, I have more to say. That's pretty impressive, considering your track record. How is it that you haven't jumped her already?"

"I really want this to work out, so…if I have to wait, I'm going to wait damn it"

"I take it you've been seeking solace in your vibrator then?"

"Fuck! What kind of question is that?!" How does she know?

A laugh, "Sorry. I'm just hassling you." A pause, "I know I've already said this but I really am happy for you sis"

"Thanks"

"Don't get hurt okay?"

I pause, and for a minute I reflect on how I hadn't even considered the possibility of that. The phone waits patiently, impassively. I imagine Tsukasa on the other side, eyes closed in that serene way she gets when she's being all motherly.

"I don't plan to"

* * *

Kagami has slid into an almost masculine role in our relationship.

Maybe this is how she usually treats the girls she dates, maybe it's because I'm just small and it triggers some sort of innate gentility; whatever it is, it is strange coming from a pretty girl that tends to dress fairly feminine (other than a few hipster accessories).

Kagami's femininity doesn't bother me so much anymore. I have my style (insofar as a self-satisfied lack of a fashion sense can be called a style), and she has hers; nothing wrong with either one. True, at first I was a little insecure about it; should I be dressing better for her? Should I try acting more like a girl? But she…she seems to like me just the way I am.

But I wonder if she even realizes that, with me, she emulates straight relationships. Probably not.

Not that I have a problem with it. I am more than happy to let her pay the bills during our dates. Don't look at me like that, I try to pay sometimes too, but she will have none of it. She also pulls chairs out for me, opens doors for me, and doesn't make any moves on me when we're alone. Unless I initiate them of course. And even then it took me a while to finally be comfortable initiating _anything_ with her.

Her patience made it easy though. God, is she patient with me, like she's afraid that if she makes one wrong move I'll break. If anything this makes me bolder. I peck her on the cheek every now and then. I hold her hand when we're walking around.

It isn't until our third date that I feel confident enough to actually kiss her.

We had arrived back at Miyuki's (once again my home) and I was in the middle of laughing at some story Kagami had told me on the walk back. Kagami was looking pleased with herself. She likes that she can make me laugh.

"Well we're here," I announce, on the cusp of Miyuki's door. Kagami laughs shyly. I can see in her eye that she wants to kiss me, or she wants me to kiss her, either would do. She makes funny little fiddling motions. "What are you doing?" I laugh.

"Oh, just stalling. Delaying our separation for as long as I can," she smiles.

"By apparently doing a silly little jig?"

"Well," she begins, as if telling a story, "if our positions were reversed and _I_ were the one who was about to step inside, I would pretend that I can't find my keys until…"

"Until?"

She pauses, sighs resignedly and smiles, "…Nevermind."

She starts to say goodbye in earnest when I grab her by the lapels and drag her face down into a kiss.

She looks so startled that I forget to be embarrassed. I'm actually feeling pretty bold right about now. I grin up at her, proud of myself; my hands still clutched on the fabric of her jacket so she's slightly bent-over.

"K-Konata?" she's blushing. I love making her blush.

"That's what you wanted right? You're so transparent sometimes." She looks happy, but hesitant. I kiss her again, gentler this time. "It's okay," I smile, _now _I'm embarrassed, "I wanted this too"

* * *

I'd say I've pretty much acclimated to casual touching. Not awkward at all. Okay, maybe a little awkward, but I like how she lights up when I make the effort.

Jeez, week three and I think I really like this girl. A lot.

"Try to move both sticks at the same time"

She struggles with the controller, "Oh, okay. Aaaah, let me see." She is still an atrocious gamer.

We're sitting in her apartment playing video games in the cushion pile. Misao and Ayano have cleared out for the day. Ayano's probably at Hiyori's but I have no idea what Misao gets up to. Kagami is struggling with Mass Effect 3 while I shout instructions and try not to laugh at the jerky motions she makes the character do. Thankfully it's set on easy, so she doesn't have too much trouble.

Kagami is sitting with her legs drawn up and her elbows resting on her knees while I lounge against her. The little spoon I guess, if I were going to call it anything. I rest my head against her shoulder. Being the little spoon is comfortable.

"I don't know how to sprint! Why can't I sprint?!"

"Click the little thingy"

"What thingy? That is literally zero amounts of helpful *click* oh, okay. Got it! Thanks!"

"You really are terrible at this aren't you?"

"Shush," she replies absent-mindedly as she successfully vanquishes a swarm of cannibals, "Ha! Look at that! Look at what I just did!"

"I'm right here. I'm seeing everything you're doing," I deadpan. She looks so stupidly, cutely, proud of herself. I decide to have some fun.

I turn my head and plant a soft kiss on her neck. Kagami yelps and loses her concentration, her character on screen takeing a barrage of plasma fire and she has to take cover.

"Konataa~!" she whines.

"What?" I tease, feathering kisses along the outline of her jaw.

"Urgh," determined not to lose face, she rallies her character and jumps out of cover, guns blazing. But with each enemy she kills she loses a little more focus as I turn around completely and keep kissing and nipping at her neck.

She loves it when I kiss her neck, but not nearly as much as when-

"Oh god," I bite her earlobe a little, eliciting a gasp.

The game goes on pause and she tosses away the controller. I laugh as her arms envelop me and she shifts positions so that I'm on the floor and she's on top. She kisses me roughly.

"Thought you could mess me up like that and get away with it huh?"

"Oh no!" I give out a playful shriek as she kisses my neck in vengeance, "Kagami~"

She's playful as well, ghosting her hands up and down my sides and smiling as she kisses me. But as time goes on I feel gears shift. The kisses become less light-hearted and more passionate; her hands become less hesitant, confidence spurring them to roam more freely. I crane my head so she can kiss me better, and her hands intertwine with mine. She shifts on top of me, and I can feel her breasts pushing against my own, her knee climbing steadily up the inside of my thigh until…

My breath hitches and she freezes.

"Uh," her eyes are slightly vacant, "sorry, I…" she doesn't move, looking and not-quite looking into my eyes, "I think I got carried away." She swallows.

Before she can retreat I reach my arms around her neck, bringing her head down so that I can kiss her again. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I don't want to break contact just yet.

She leans into the kiss, though the passion she displayed is gone now.

"What's wrong?" I ask, breathless.

"Maybe we should stop"

"Huh? Why?"

"I'm…really horny right now, Konata"

"I could have guessed that. I'm a little horny too. Is…that a problem?"

Her eyes widen. She laughs a little hesitantly. "N-no, I just thought…"

"I really like you Kagami," I say, and I leave it that, staring up at her and struggling to catch my breath. Her eyes meet mine and I can't look away.

"What are you saying?" Still hesitant.

"I'm saying," I should be feeling embarrassed right now, but I don't. Embarrassment gives way in the face of this dawning certainty. "Maybe we should move to your bedroom"

She looks a little scared, excited. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure"

"O-oh," a giddy smile breaks out on her face.

"Okay now you're scaring me"

"Shit, sorry. I do creepy things sometimes. Ayano and my sister are always telling me"

"Kagami I'm messing with you," I laugh

"R-right…"

I quirk an eyebrow, "So should I lead the way or…"

She snaps out of her reverie, "Oh! No, I got it," and she picks me up easily, bringing me to her bedroom. I snort in amusement, a mechanism to hide my own nervousness.

She deposits me on the bed and smiles, all confidence restored in her favor. "Just tell me if I'm going too far," she whispers, ghosting a kiss on my bellybutton.

* * *

"That wasn't too far. That…I think we could have gone a little farther even"

I chuckle as I kiss the top of her head, "What are you even talking about?"

"Before we got started you told me to tell you if you were going too far"

"Did I? I kind of wish I had been extended the same courtesy." Konata is a damn fast learner.

"You sure you don't want to go again?"

I look down at her, incredulous. Her eyes twinkle mischievously back up at me, "No, I'm pretty sure. You just have a way of wearing me out. Where do you get the energy anyway?" She shrugs, "Okay, you're going to have to get off me now, it is seriously way too hot for us to be in bed right now"

She pouts at me as I get out of bed and I almost climb right back in. It's the middle of the day, and my sheets are lightly saturated with sweat. Konata doesn't follow me, sighing and falling back into the covers. She feels the heat too though, and makes it so that they only barely cover her modesty.

Inspiration hits me and I swallow. "Hold on, stay just like that"

"What are you doing you goof?" I retrieve my camera and poise myself above her with one foot on the bed. She laughs, "Wait, you're taking a picture? Jeez, you're creepy"

"Er, can I?"

She sighs "I suppose...if it's for you then I guess it's okay." My heartbeat quickens a bit at hearing her say that.

The picture I take is like a much more intimate version of the one I took only weeks ago. The sunlight divides the image into rectangles of detailed black and white, illuminating her skin and the sheets around it, hiding her eyes only to accentuate her smile; warm, inviting, cheeky. Lovely.

"You take naked pictures of all the girls you bed?"

"Sometimes," I admit.

"Oh no," she jokes, "I'm just another in a long line of spurned women aren't I?"

I laugh, "What? Don't be silly, you're completely different from them"

"How so?"

"For one, I didn't love any of them." We both freeze. I avert my eyes. Words and excuses formulate in my head but die prematurely before they can ever reach my mouth. After a tense five seconds I pretend I didn't say anything. "Uh, hold still, let me just take one more." My stammers betray how scared I am at my own admittance. Thankfully Konata doesn't speak, though her lips are slightly parted. She was going to say something before I interrupted her. She is quiet now, lips shut; I guess she's decided to follow my example.

What was she about to say?

I turn over the camera and show her the digital display. She smiles, "You should really think about being a professional photographer you know"

I laugh, "You think so?"

I sigh with relief, and we go on as if nothing happened. The awkwardness dissipated, we kiss, cuddle, have sex again; but we both know what I said, and even in my relief I feel a little disappointed that she didn't say anything back. I shouldn't have interrupted her…

I'm such a coward.

* * *

Author's Note: Not much for writing sex scenes. I mean, I _can _write them, but I'm too lazy to.


	12. Becoming Whole

Author's note: Double update. Because reasons.

* * *

Okay, no need to panic. So I haven't heard from her in two days. She probably needs her space. That's a thing with Konata, she's a huge proponent of getting her own space, which is cool. I dropped a bomb on her the other night, so space is definitely in the cards. The L word. Haha, that's funny on so many levels.

Hahahahahahaha.

Fuck.

We just had sex! Not even sex, it was lovemaking. That's what it was. Everybody knows that when the main character makes love to the love interest, everything should be okay for a while. So why isn't everything okay right now? My cellphone itches in my pocket, but I don't want to send her yet another text. I don't want to appear too needy. Besides, she texted me after the first one I sent her:

"**Sorry, busy right now. Will get back to you later ****"** In other words, "I need my space." Konata and her space. Jeez.

I remember waiting for that message, baited breath and limitless self-doubt. Was the wording of my own message too presumptuous? Too pushy? But before I knew it, I got this little gem. There's an emoticon on the end…which is a good sign right?

"Kagami? Are you okay?"

I snap out of my reverie. Dammit I was spacing out on the job again. Luckily the only model I have to deal with today is Misao, and she's always patient with me. Sweet, patient Misao.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little distracted"

She frowns through the viewfinder. "'Kay." She still looks worried so I force a smile. I can tell that she sees right through it, but thankfully she says nothing.

This is actually how we met: at a photo-shoot. At the time she was already a fairly popular model, though she was having trouble with her photographer. He was a sleaze-ball, and kept hitting on her as they worked, which made her extremely uncomfortable. The publication was super professional about it and had him fired, though they then had the difficulty of finding a photographer that Misao could trust on short notice.

Enter me, an intern with enough guts to volunteer her services. Misao liked me instantly, and I got my first legitimate photographer gig. We hit it off, and since then, unless under very specific circumstances, she always requests me as her photographer.

"Maybe, uh, turn around and look at me over your shoulder or something?" We both know that I'm out of it, and Misao decides she's had enough.

She steps down from the pedestal, completely comfortable in a bikini in a room full of people. "I think we're done now," she says taking my shoulder.

"What? No, I still have-"

"Kagami," she's rarely assertive, though when she is she can make me do anything , "I think we have enough for today. Why don't we go home?"

My shoulders slump, "I- yeah, that's probably a good idea"

She drives us home and puts on the kettle for some tea. I chuckle, knowing in advance that the tea is going to taste horrible; she can never make it properly. But the effort she always makes is soothing in its own way.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She's smiling at me and I smile back.

"Maybe not now?"

She doesn't force the issue and nods, all seriousness. I'm glad she made me come back here. I needed to think. I mean, Konata is awkward, and she doesn't have much relationship experience (or any, really. None that she remembers anyway. Maybe I should ask Sebastian? He would be the one most likely to know). If she needs space, I can give her that. It's not the end of the world.

"Thanks Misao"

And just like that I feel better, and a little silly. What was I even worried about?

* * *

Kagami loves me.

I know this because she unwittingly admitted as much the other night.

Kagami Hiiragi loves me.

This is unprecedented information. Nothing I have any idea about how to handle. I guess I'm happy, really happy actually, but it's still a lot to process. What does love even mean? What am I supposed to do now?

I can't talk to Miyuki about it. She may be okay with our relationship, but knowing their history, that's a topic I'd really rather shy away from. I can't ask Sebastian either; he's too close to Miyuki for that to be an option. Hiyori isn't picking up my calls, which I guess means she's either busy or hiding out from a mounting stalker campaign.

This just means that, at the end of the day, I'm at Nanako's place again, nursing a doobie she shoved in my hands and trying really hard not to be weirded out by my old nurse being here.

"So…Minami. I haven't seen you in a while"

"A good thing. I really would rather you not return to the hospital"

"Er, yeah, but we can still hang out as friends right?"

Minami looks pensive, "I had not considered that"

"What?"

"Friendship with you"

"Oh…Really? That's, wow that's kind of upsetting"

"Have I upset you? I'm sorry, I always do things like this. Of course, we can be friends if you wish"

Nanako just squeals as she's glomping the stoic girl's waist, already high as a kite. "Isn't she just the cutest thing you ever saw Konata?" She nuzzles Minami a bit more, "She's like Aigis!"

"Aigis?" Minami questions, "I don't understand"

"Aigis is a character in a video game," I explain.

"Oh. You find this cute?" She asks Nanako.

"It's the cutest!"

"I'm glad then"

Nanako giggles. This is all very funny but I feel like I'm intruding. "Am I interrupting something? I can come back later if you want"

"No!" Nanako shouts, insistent, sitting up straight before wilting blissfully onto Minami's shoulder, "No this is good. Minami should get to know my friends"

"I already know Konata. I was her nurse while she recovered from her head injury"

Nanako's eyebrows tighten in severe concentration. She cracks up, "Whut?" She laughs.

Minami looks at me, "I do not mind your being here. And Nanako is right. I should get to know her friends better"

"Yeah!" Nanako gushes, "So make yourself at home! Do you need a lighter? Let me get that for you"

Ten minutes later and I'm reclining on Nanako's sofa, my hand buried in a family-size bag of cool ranch Doritos. The haze in my head feels like my brain is chewing blissfully on a cloud of cotton candy. Nanako is similarly red-eyed. Minami refrained from partaking, though being a nurse, apparently she's used to being around drugged out people. Within limits.

"So I'm like…whoa, you know? Like…she _loves_ me. And that's…a super big deal"

"What I don't get," Nanako begins, looking lovingly into Minami's impassive eyes. It would be so easy to believe that Minami is disaffected, but she blushes under the obvious infatuation. "What I don't get is why you're making things difficult for yourself"

"How d'you mean?"

"It's like….It's like…Ugh…Minami what's it like?"

"What I believe Nanako is trying to say is that you should consider surrendering to your feelings. You yourself said that you were happy to find out about the extent of Ms. Hiiragi's affections. Why question it?"

"I guess. But it feels like we're going too fast. Like, we're walking a tightrope? And one misstep can send us over the edge, y'know?"

The both of them look at me uncomprehendingly.

"You don't know. Okay," I struggle for a better analogy. One doesn't come. I decide to just explain what I'm feeling. "I'm think…I'm just scared she's built this idea of me in her head that I can't live up to"

"Konata, Konata, Konata!" Nanako scrambles into an upright position, "Konata! You are _waaay_ overthinking this"

"Am I though? We've only been dating two weeks, and she already loves me. She has memories of me from way before the accident and that's loads of context that I missed out on"

Nanako sits up, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. "Sure, maybe you have a point. But maybe you're equally guilty of building things up in your head. Like, really this shouldn't be a big deal. For one, have you talked to her about it?"

"Ever since that night I haven't really talked to her at all"

"What!?" She seems genuinely distraught. "Konata! You can't just leave a girl hanging like that! She's probably freaking out right now"

"You think?"

"Oh my god, she's probably like, being all insecure and listening to emo music in her room"

I really hadn't considered…all I could think about at that moment was myself. Guilt worms its way into my stomach. "I _was_ going to say something, when she told me…I was about to say something, but she interrupted me"

"She was probably scared," Minami offers.

I look at them looking at me, with those eyes that are trying not to judge. "Well what was I supposed to do!? I was scared too! And she just…"

"What were you going to say before she interrupted you?"

"Ooh, that's a good question, answer it." They stare at me expectantly.

"I…I don't know"

"Oh come on. Were you going to say that you loved her back?"

"No! No, I was…I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say…that I was happy. I was going to say she makes me happy. I-Isn't that good enough? I just can't say that I love her yet." My head floats through the haze of pot, bringing unusual clarity. "But I want to say I love her, someday, when I really mean it." They don't say anything. "Well? Say something! Did I…did I blow it?"

"No, of course not"

"But you should still talk to her. Tell her what you just told us"

"You're right." Newfound determination surges through my veins. Conviction, "You're right! I will!" This feels good. I stand up, shoving a handful of Doritos into my mouth, "You guys are the best you know that?" The weed pools into my legs like jelly, and I fall back, asleep.

* * *

The strange thing about dreams is that I can't have them anymore. None other than just the one, over and over again, in this same hospital room in the middle of nowhere that can possibly be in the hospital. The walls are matted with photos of my life, memory wallpaper. It's beautiful.

Akira is here, as always. She stands a little taller, straighter, wearing nothing but a strait-jacket she has managed to squirrel her little arms out of. I'm so used to this scene that I instantly know that I'm dreaming.

What was I even doing before I got here?

"Akira," I acknowledge. She smiles at me and indicates a chessboard lying on the floor. I laugh and settle to play. I can't remember the last time I did this with her. When I was in the hospital I guess. Time really does fly.

"So how's it going Konata?"

"Pretty well. Things are coming together"

"Oh? That's a good sign. What are you talking about specifically?"

I shrug, "Just happy I guess"

She nods sagely, "I'm happy for you"

"And how have you been?"

"As you can see they've tightened my restraints. I had a little episode when my Mom said she would come visit and didn't. Got a little carried away with a syringe"

"You didn't hurt anybody did you?"

"No, jeez! I'm not _actually_ crazy"

"I'll visit you soon okay? Stop being so crazy all the time"

She smiles indulgently, cornering my queen. "It's fine really, I don't think I could function outside of this hospital anyway. All of me is irrevocably attached to this place," she checks me with her bishop, 'just as a piece of you is still here as well"

"Huh? What are you talking about"

"Nothing, forget I said anything. How're things with Kagami, by the way? She's the one I was talking about before you know. The one who loves you"

"Yeah, I figured. How'd you know anyway? You're like, a creepy guru or something." She ignores the question, looking at me expectantly. "I guess things are going pretty well between us. I'm happy"

"That might not last you know. Any number of things could happen to you"

I laugh, "I know that. Christ, I have a bullet in my head. Of course I know things can go badly at any time. I've realized you have to seize upon what happiness you can have now when it presents itself"

"That's a good philosophy." Akria checkmates me, winning the game. "About that…"

"Hmm?"

Akira climbs to her feet and moves to the far wall to where the bullet hole is, still exactl where I remember it. She taps her finger against the copper lining, producing a dull _tinging_ sound. It feels like a rumbling in my head. "What are you doing?" I want to say, but I just stare at her, paralyzed.

"It's time to make you whole, Konata," Akira says, "It's time you woke up." I barely hear her. It's like I'm underwater. She pinches the bullet between her thumb and forefinger, and she slowly, languorously, yanks it out. A hole opens up in my skull and my memories spill out of it, flooding, spilling, gushing at a speed I can't keep track of. The pictures on the wall begin to peel, falling erratically in a maelstrom of film and paper. All I see is blue, then red. My head goes numb and I fall to my knees.

* * *

I fall to my knees in the threshold of my apartment. I was walking here, though I don't remember the journey. Miyuki calls out a greeting as I sway on jelly legs.

"Konata? Konata!"

I don't feel the impact of the fall. The wooden floor of the entrance is cold against my bare cheek. When did I get here?

"Konata, you're bleeding!"

Miyuki frantically calls for emergency services. I don't move. I can't move. The blood is pooling around my head and seeping into my hair. I lift my hand, scratching my nails against the surface of the floor; the blood collects at my fingertips, in the pockets of my fingertips. How did I get here? When did I get here? I should be passing out, but I can't. I can't pass out.

I feel something itch at the edge of my mind. Something is amiss. Something, something. Something that isn't the blood. I struggle to recall.

* * *

"Ms. Izumi, it's a good thing your friend found my card in your wallet, and we're even more lucky I happened to be on duty"

The room is nice and welcoming. Sunlight streams through the curtains, mingling with the halogen interior.

"The emergency room might not have been well-enough equipped to handle your unique brain injury. As it is, we really can't explain it. You've made a habit of defying biological sense every time you come in here," he smiles as if the joke is supposed to amuse me. Curiously, it does. I crack a smile. "And you said you have no recollection of the last couple of months?"

"No, I don't. Will someone tell me what the fuck happened?"

At my bedside Miyuki murmurs how she forgot how much I used to curse.

"What's going on?" I don't direct the question at either one of them, I just need someone to answer. "Why doesn't anyone want to tell me? What happened after that shooting? Is Sebastian okay?" Neither of them say anything. "What day is it anyway? How fucking long have I been on autopilot?"

"Ms. Izumi, please calm down"

"Konata-"

"I am calm! I just want to know what's going on. Miyuki, do I still have a job? What have I been doing!?" I sense memories stirring beyond my recollection, like the view from behind a fogged up window; I can't quite see. A tear threatens at the edge of my eye. "Why can't I see?" I ask, and I know I'm not making any sense but I can't be bothered right now. I feel as if I've lost something very precious, and it isn't a couple of months.

"I think I'll call Kagami," Miyuki says softly, as if that's supposed to placate me.

"Who?"

"Kagami Hiiragi. You don't remember her?"

"Of course I do. Why the fuck would you call her? Was she hit as well!?"

"Konata, please calm down"

I shake my head, "Why bring her up anyway? How do you know her? Ungh!" The memories stir at the edge of my consciousness, aching like a hundred migraines, but I still can't see them.

Nanako and Sebastian are seated in the waiting room by the time I get to the hospital.

"Where is she? What the hell happened!?"

Sebastian moves to comfort me. "We don't know exactly what happened, but there was a lot of bleeding-"

"Is she okay!?" I demand, gripping his shoulders.

"Yeah," he says softly. "She's even awake, but-"

That's all I need to hear. Thank CHRIST! I move to the door and open it, quietly, cautiously. I've been rushing the entire way here, I can feel my heart calm down with the voices from behind the curtain. One of them is Konata's

I hear Miyuki. "I think I'll call Kagami"

"Who?"

I stop in my tracks

"You don't remember her?"

"Of course I do. Why the fuck would you call her? Was she hit as well!?"

"Konata please calm down"

Oh Christ I feel nauseous.

"Why bring her up anyway? How do you know her? Ungh!"

I have to leave. I rush out the door. Sebastian tries to stop me but I push passed him. Too numb to cry.

* * *

Something still buzzes at the back of my mind; static recollection. Someone has scratched my hard drive and I can't read the disk. I find myself in a perpetual state of irritability, anger. Miyuki walks on eggshells around me, and I try to calm down for her sake. She didn't ask for this.

The apartment is as I remember it, which is good because I don't think I could handle things being any more different than they've turned out to be. I've dropped out of university, I don't have a job anymore; god knows what the hell I've been doing with my time in the last couple of months. I don't ask Miyuki. I don't ask Sebastian or Nanako. I don't want to know right now.

I just want…I don't know what I want. For the world to stand the fuck still I guess.

My room is too neat, though I can detect signs of habitation. There's no question that I've been living in here.

"Do you need anything?" Miyuki's voice is soft, cautious.

"I'm fine," I mumble, tracing my hand over a Kino's Journey poster that wasn't there before. When did I put that up? "I just need some time. I need to figure things out"

Miyuki shakes her head, smiles. "It really is the old you"

"What the hell does _that_ mean?" I can't keep the anger from seeping into my voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to imply…"

I shake my head, forcing myself to calm down, "No it's okay. I'm sorry. Go on. I'm just…bleh," I stick my tongue out, "I'm sorry"

She takes it in stride. "That's understandable. You've been through a lot lately. Your skull has been through lot"

I snort, the joke is weak but I'm glad she's playing something other than two-dimensional sympathy. "What did you mean though? About…the old me?"

"It's late Konata…"

"Tell me"

She looks hesitant. "You sure you want to know? Maybe you should get some rest first before I drop any more knowledge on you"

"Maybe I should. But I have to hear this sometime, and I'm curious now," I clutch my hand to my head, a fresh migraine starting up, "just, please? Let me sit down first"

The bed pleasantly gives way to my weight, though not too much. Much better than the hospital gurneys. I've missed this thing. Or have I? Technically it's only been a day since I've used it.

"You've been," Miyuki begins, "kind of drifting by. For the most part I've been taking care of you-"

"So I've been freeloading?" I mutter a baleful "fuck" under my breath.

I can tell she's trying not to say yes, "Er, sorta? It was a pleasure actually. You never let me take care of you, so a cute, dependent you was a fresh change of pace"

"I was like this with everyone?!"

"Pretty much, yeah"

"Argh," I could die of embarrassment. "What did I even do most of the day?"

"Well," she looks thoughtful, "You read manga, surfed the internet, played video games, and you would cook lunch and dinner for me. You were kind of like my wife in a way!"

"Urgh"

"Well, you also hung out with Sebastian and Nanako. And…" She gives me a strange look. "You should get some rest. We'll have a lot to talk about tomorrow"


	13. Wonderfully Lost

Author's note: As with the last chapter, I don't trust myself to be the best editor, so maybe in a week I'll revisit both of them and fix what needs fixing.

* * *

It's been a long couple of days. Sebastian and Nanako have been bringing me up to speed, and not all of it is terrible. I peruse syllabuses and applications as they talk, intent on something to do. I need a job just as much as I needthe blanks in my memory filled; the blurry last three months of my life. Sebastian and Nanako take their time. They're understanding and answer all of my questions, but as with Miyuki I get the feeling that there are things they hold back. Maybe something they just don't know what to tell me about?

I even visit Hiyori's hotel, but to my surprise she is equally reticent.

Whatever. My room is a welcome solace, now restored to its natural state of messiness. Interspersed with my belongings are clues as to my recent whereabouts. Pictures, mostly. There's one of me and a pink-haired girl at the hospital, playing chess. A picture of me sitting clueless at the table, taken by Miyuki I guess. Here's one of me and Sebastian standing on a balcony together. It's actually really good. Whoever took it should be a photographer.

Here's- whoa.

That's…

That's Kagami Hiiragi, dressed in sportswear that leaves little to the imagination. She's scowling up at the camera, which has me giggling despite myself.

Something tells me that I took this picture.

I hunt around my room for any other traces of Kagami. A _Kino's Journey_ light novel with Kagami's name written on the dust-jacket is in my bedside drawer, but other than that there's no other trace of her. It occurs to me though…

I fish out my phone and scroll through my text messages. There are so many from her! Did I turn my back and we become friends again? That's…pretty cool actually. I wonder why she didn't visit me in the hospital.

Kagami: **I enjoyed having you over yesterday. Sorry if I scared you, let me kno if you want 2 talk**

Konata: **"Sorry, busy right now. Will get back to you later ****"**

"What the hell?"

I scroll through the earlier messages, slumping against the wall and sliding to the floor. I read them, each message, one by one, for what must be an hour. We texted each other a _lot _it seems. I growl in impotent frustration, trying to remember and failing. I stuff the phone in my pocket and stalk to Miyuki's room. I don't care is she's asleep, she and I are going to have words.

* * *

Life sure does suck sometimes.

I sigh for the umpteenth time this week. Has it been a week? Christ, it has. It's just great that this whole mess would coincide with my break too. One whole week of moping around the apartment with Misao and Ayano worrying over me like mother hens. I'm not a child you guys, jeez! I just need some time to eat ice cream and burn it all off the next morning on way-intense runs.

I read up on law some more too. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to pursue it anymore, but really I need something to distract from the well of despair playing catch-up with my head, not that it ever works. Today was especially awful because I actually went to MIyuki's apartment and stood outside the door for thirty minutes rehearsing everything I wanted to say to Konata. When I had everything good and memorized my hand froze before it could ring the doorbell. It just stuck in mid-air and I couldn't for the life of me bring myself to do anything about it.

So I left. Life sucks.

I wonder what Konata's doing right now. Playing video games maybe. Or reading. It occurs to me that I don't actually know what sort of things she got up to other than anime and video games. From what I can remember of her before the accident, she's probably all grumpy, rolling up her sleeves to get on with her life.

Ha. Get on with life. I'll get around to that too, aaaaafter this tub of ice cream is done. And the next one. And maybe a few after that.

My phone buzzes. A text message.

Miyuki: **Wanna grab lunch?**

*Sigh* Miyuki. I suppose there are worse things I could be doing than letting a gorgeous pinkette buy me expensive food.

An hour later and I'm sitting in some swanky joint with a bloody steak lovingly laid out on a fancy rectangular plate. A glass of wine sits half-drank to the side. It's not my first helping either. I told the waiter to leave the bottle. It's half-empty and Miyuki hasn't so much as touched it.

"Not going to order for me again Miyuki? I'm surprised"

"I think the last thing you need right now is me making decisions for you"

"Well shit it's not like I ever even gave a crap. I make lame decisions. We all know this. Most of the time you're there to enable me or change my mind"

"I had no idea that was the arrangement"

"Well it was. And you've done a shit job lately"

She sighs, which is her way of letting me know that we're cutting the crap. "Are you okay Kagami?"

I consider flying off the handle, but I don't have the energy. Instead I down the rest of my wine and can't think of anything better to say than "Bluh"

"I'll take that as a "no" then"

"Correct. More correct things has not been said ever"

"Aaaaand your drunk. This didn't go at all like I wanted it to"

"Oooooh?" I say suggestively, "what, exactly, were you planning Ms. Takara? Were you going to take advantage? Gasp! Is this why been plying me with wine?"

"You plied yourself with wine Kagami"

"Details," I get up and pat my stomach, "well let's go"

"What?"

"We're going to go have angry sex now. Like we used to after we broke up. Only instead I'll be sad and you'll be…I don't know. Naked, probably"

Miyuki doesn't rise to the occasion. She doesn't get mad. She doesn't get upset. She just looks at me with those pitying eyes I've been getting from Misao and Ayano all week. This doesn't mean she goes soft on me either, "Are you done acting like a child? You aren't even that drunk are you?"

As it turns out, I'm not.

"I get that you're upset, but you haven't even bothered to talk to her yet"

How can I talk to her!? What can I even say? _Hey Konata, we had sex a bunch of times but you probably don't remember_. Yeah, if that doesn't make me sound like a date rapist then I don't know what will. To Miyuki I don't say anything. I just sit back down and dig into my steak and try not to feel pathetic.

"I know you were at the apartment today," her voice is much kinder. There it is. _Now_ I feel pathetic.

"Great," I mutter, dropping my utensils and collecting my head in my hands.

There are a million things she could say right now, but she surprises me. "What am I going to do with you?" She asks. I look up in surprise and she just smiles at me, not judging. A laugh snorts its way of my throat, and I smile back. When I'm done laughing I mumble an apology for acting like an ass. "What are friends for?" She asks, and a piece of the world feels like it's righted itself.

* * *

Vacation's over and I'm back in school. I've dropped out of most of my law classes. I didn't really need them to graduate anyway. It opens up room for photography, as well as a few pointless, but fun, electives. Tsukasa supports my decision, which is a huge plus. Mom and Dad weren't very excited about, it but once I held up my last paycheck to the webcam they acceded that maybe I'm onto something with this whole photography business.

All in all, I think I'm getting on in life.

As if reflecting this, the sun is out and the day is clear. A pleasant breeze blows through my hair, and in the distance someone waves hi to me. I wave back with a smile, not a clue at to who that person is.

And then I bump into Konata Izumi.

She's looking right at me, and once my eyes meet hers it's like I'm caught in a tractor beam. I can't look away, and I can't just walk by like I haven't seen her. She's wearing one of her hoodies and a skirt and she looks so adorable that it's actually an effort not to hug her on the spot.

Like I used to be able to.

Oh god this is going to be entirely new echelons of awkward.

"Konata, hey"

I don't know how she does it but she summons a genuine yet forced smile, "What's up?"

It's just like our old conversations. The small talk that didn't lead anywhere. And there's the awkward silence, right on cue. Thankfully she looks as uncomfortable as I feel; not entirely sure of herself.

"How've you been since the, uh, whole head thing?" If that sentence was any less cobbled together it wouldn't have made sense at all.

"Oh, good. My doctor doesn't foresee any problems, but just in case, he's monitoring my health remotely." She indicates a metal anklet above her left foot. It looks high-tech.

"Oh jeez, is it serious?"

"I don't think so. They just want to keep an eye on me. Apparently this is the closest they can get to keeping me in the hospital without actually fucking keeping me in the hospital," she laughs nervously.

"That's good, you can never be too careful I guess"

"Heh, yeah"

We clear our throats simultaneously, and one of us tries a laugh that ends in self-conscious head-scratching. It's obvious that she isn't too sure of herself, though that does nothing to ease my own nerves.

"So," I begin, "I guess I'll get going then." And as I say this I keep asking myself _whatareyoudoing whatareyoudoing whatareyoudoing whatareyoudoing? _But I just can't stand here and muddle through another conversation with this stranger. Not without trampling all over my own heart.

"Oh, uh, okay," she looks put-out and her brow furrows as I move past.

With one last look I smile at her pleasantly. Not a genuine smile but a socially polite one that's feels so fake that I may as well have painted it on. Each step I take feels like the closing sibilance of a particularly strange story that is this chapter of my life. My heart beats a dull thump against the lining of my ribs, stretching against the limits of my body like a long exhalation.

"Hey!"

I take a few faltering steps before stopping.

"Wait a minute!" She yells. I hear the rushed footfalls of her running, drawing near, grabbing my wrist and gripping it hard. "Is that really all you have to say to me?"

Her anger dissolves the barrier between us and I crack a smile even as a tear threatens at my eye. Jesus, when did I get so sensitive?

"What…am I supposed to say to you?"

Irritated, she digs into her pouch and pulls out her cellphone, thrusting the display in my face. "I read all the messages," she says, as if that's supposed to provoke something from me.

I take hold of her hand with the cellphone still in it. If she's read the messages then that means she's pieced together what we had while she was an amnesiac. I look at her confusedly. "Why are you showing me this?"

"Is that it? Is that all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say Konata?"

Her anger falters and for a few seconds she's the helpless little amnesiac I kissed only a few weeks ago. "Not this! Jeez! I don't…I don't know. This was clearer in my head when I came over here. Didn't I…don't I mean _anything_ to you?"

"Of course you do," I say softly.

"Then why are you ignoring me? Why didn't you visit me in the hospital?"

"Because I was scared of what you would say! And I didn't want to scare you either! I don't want to force my expectations onto you"

"This isn't like when we were kids! I'm not twelve, I can handle it!"

"Can you? Be honest, do you remember anything at all of what happened between us? Anything that happened in the last couple months?"

She deflates. "No," she admits, "I don't"

This isn't news, but I can't quite keep from showing how much hearing it upsets me. "Then…" I shrug, "why did you come here?"

She's silent for a long time, and I consider just walking away. But she looks so lost that I remain rooted to the pot, clutching uselessly at my purse. I squeeze the strap again and again. It is not a very effective stress-ball. "For the last week you've been all I can think about," she says, almost whispering, voice so soft I have to lean in to hear. "I don't know where these feelings are coming from but…" she smiles helplessly, "…I'm confused right now, and I can't quite remember things, and Christ I barely know you," this makes me laugh a bit, despite the heavy atmosphere, "but I just need to be near you right now. Okay?"

The situation is too ridiculous for me not to laugh just a bit more, "You're going to get my hopes up you know"

Her eyes dart away from mine. "I don't know if I'll get my memories back or not," I guess she's decided to dodge my question, "but for now, maybe we can get some coffee or something? My treat," Konata holds up a couple of bills, smiling hopefully.

I'm reminded of my first visit to the hospital, those terribly awkward first moments. When we were going out I never let her pay for anything, and I guess this is a suitable irony. All of a sudden _I'm_ the one being courted. I shake my head.

"Yeah, coffee sounds great"

* * *

I wasn't expecting her to be so callous at first, though if that single tear was any indication then I know she wasn't being entirely forthright. I apparently have to embarrass myself and spill my feelings-ridden guts to get to even crack a smile, for me to even raise the courage to ask her to coffee.

"_You're going to get my hopes up you know"_

I wonder if I'm being selfish; if I'm just using her to deal with the anxiety of my own lost memories. Maybe I am, but I can't deny that being in her presence is more calming than even three ounces of Nanako's weed. Okay, definitely not _that_ calming, but when I'm around Kagami things just feel right.

We're sitting in the campus coffee shop. It shifts from being densely packed to sparsely patronized, but everyone leaves us alone in our corner booth. Like I promised, I've bought her a drink, though I'm sure she's intentionally chosen something cheap.

"I've already had this conversation with you, you know," she says, looking own into her cup with lidded eyes. Pensive eyes.

"What conversation?"

"The whole catching up conversation. We had it when you were in the hospital"

"Oh yeah? What did we talk about?"

"I talked mostly. You just listened. I talked about myself; my family, my past, what I hope to do in the future"

"Well we can skip most of that this time around. We used to best friends after all." I take a sip of my tea, "And you want to be a lawyer, right?"

"Actually I'm thinking of pursuing photography. I've got a card and everything"

"Hey that's awesome Kagami! How's Tsukasa doing?"

We talk about all the little things going on in each other's lives, dissolving any discomfort either of us might be feeling. This isn't the downward spiral of small talk, but two old friends making an earnest effort to catch up. As we talk my usual social compunctions fade away, and it becomes as easy to talk to Kagami as it is to Sebastian. Easier, even.

"Oh hey, that reminds me, did you take this picture?" I show her the one of me and Sebastian on the balcony.

She smiles at it fondly, "Yeah I did. I saw you two out there and I couldn't resist. That was the night I…"

"What?"

She seems hesitant but then puts on an 'aw, screw it,' expression. "That was the night we first kissed"

And there it is. We were tiptoeing around the subject and now Kagami has punctured it with her boot, for which I am thankful, but no less taken aback. "O-oh," is, sadly, all, I can think to say.

"You want to know what you did in response?" She's smiling, like this is the set-up for a joke.

"What?"

"You ran off for a couple days and I had a hard friggin' time finding you," she laughs to herself, "It was a whole adventure. I even punched a guy. The same guy who shot you, I might add"

"Well, well, how poetic. You, Ms. Hiiragi, are you quite the badass"

She wipes imaginary dust off of her shoulders, "I am indeed. So badass am I that I even tracked you down to the hotel of a reclusive mangaka as soon as I got out of jail"

I wonder if she's exaggerating about that jail bit. "And then what happened?"

"Well I don't know if I should say." Her reticence has morphed into smug bravado, and I smile at the growing rapport "You might not be ready for all the salacious little detai-" I lightly kick her under the table. "Ow! Jeez, okay, fine," she laughs, "I kissed you again. And I asked you out, formally"

My face goes red. I like to think that I'm not one of those people that blushes at things like this but dammit I am. "What did I say?"

"You said you weren't even sure you into girls"

"Is that it?" I ask, breath baited. "That's all I said?"

"Nooooo~" she smiles infuriatingly, like a parent who stops reading a bedtime story at the end of a particularly intense cliffhanger. "You know, you never did tell me if you liked girls or not. I don't suppose you even knew"

I match her smug smile with a shit-eating grin, "I'm bisexual, if you must know"

"Huh," she looks thoughtful.

"Well? What happened after you asked me out?"

"You were reluctant at first…so I kissed you, just to make sure. And then I kissed you again, and again, and at some point you started kissing me back and we had sloppy makeouts on the floor"

I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Wow"

"Yeah"

"Did it, uh, escalate?"

"No, it was more or less chaste. Not that I…didn't want it to. I wanted to wait until you were ready"

I consider my words, rolling them around in my head, "Was I ever ready?"

She looks anywhere but at me, the bustle of the coffee shop is white noise. "Yes." She looks me in the eyes, searching.

"Oh." I unconsciously wrap my arms around myself, letting the silence go on a bit longer than is comfortable for either of us. Apparently this signals the end of the conversation, because Kagami gets up and crosses to my side of the table. She apologizes to me, squeezing my shoulder, before going. I'm left confused, and angry, but I don't move.

We had sex? I don't remember it, obviously, and knowing that she has intimate knowledge of my body is more than a little off-putting. I don't feel violated though. She said she waited after all. It must have meant something special to her. **_I_** must have meant something special to her.

Don't I mean anything to her anymore?

A bubbling rage surges in my stomach. I'm angry at Kagami, I'm angry at myself for just sitting there and letting her get away. I'm angry at the guy who shot me for putting me in this convoluted situation. But most of all I'm angry because I'm still sitting here. I surge to my feet and head to the door.

I don't know what I want, and I'm acting completely on instinct. And even though I'm no less confused than I was before, somehow this feels right. Running outside the coffee shop I spot Kagami a ways away. I catch her unawares by grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around.

She looks' like she's going to react violently until she realizes its me. We look at each other for a few seconds, and I can tell she's been trying not to cry, eyes moist and lips drawn taut. Her hand grips her purse so hard that it's white. Her breath is ragged. My eyes widen, and then they flutter almost to a close.

Before she can say anything, before I can even realize what I'm doing, I lean in close, climbing to my tip-toes to plant a soft kiss on her lips.

I back away, and we look at each other in as uncomprehending expectance, the sort shared between two people who are completely lost. If the conditions were right, I would fall into her arms and we would abscond to the nearest hotel. As it is, I just take her hand, entwining my smaller fingers in hers, and ask her in faltering mumbles if we can just walk around for a while, just like this, just for a little longer.


	14. Epilogue

**Months Later...**

I wake up curled in the dim light of a Saturday morning, in a room that isn't mine. The curtains are drawn over the windows, and the soft, persistent fall of rain taps gently on the glass and the pavement below. I'm awake, but I don't want to get up either. The sound of the rain is soothing, and the blankets are so _warm_.

I don't want to get up, but sleep eludes me. Ugh. Compromise: I get out of the bed with a sigh, wrapping the blankets around myself to hide my state of undress. I walk blearily out of the room. The rain is much more audible in here. I'm too small for the blanket not to touch the ground, and it trails after me like the train to an elaborate robe. I am the priest of this cathedral, and I am awake to the day.

Or half-awake anyway. And this cathedral? It's just a loft apartment. And it isn't even mine. There's one of the actual owners now.

"Konata, hey!"

"Sup Misao," I raise my hand in salute. It is a lazy motion, unworthy of the military. To Misao however, it is acceptable, and she salutes enthusiastically back.

"Is she still asleep?"

"She wasn't there when I woke up actually"

"Oh. Must be out on a job then"

"I guess so"

A comfortable silence passes between us. She stares out the window, into the drenched city –scape. She is beautiful, dressed in a button-up shirt, and I suspect little else. I have a hard time tearing my eyes away from her.

I've been in this apartment enough mornings to be well-acquainted with the kitchen, and I fix myself an omelet. The smell attracts Misao, and she hovers over me, giving me suggestions and fetching me ingredients without my needing to ask. Finally I'm finished, and she samples a bite without my permission. Apparently the final product meets with her approval, and I dig in.

The rain doesn't let up. Misao and I chat about nothing in particular, and it is in the midst of this conversation that I decide that heading home is pointless, and I decide to stay put. The blanket is too damn snuggly for me to do anything else. It jealously demands my attention. That, and the TV.

Mmmm. TV. The rain is so soothing outside. I think I love the rain.

* * *

I hate the rain.

Stupid friggin' rain.

Stupid friggin' magazine that requires a photo-shoot with rain, but won't spring the cash for a friggin' on-set rain machine.

"Hey, you alright?"

I struggle with my windswept umbrella, hinges bent at the entirely wrong angle. How did that even happen? There's not even any wind! I give up, finally tossing the ruined thing in the trash. I slump into the café chair.

"I'm fine now that that stupid photo-shoot is over. I'll be out here all over again next time it rains though"

Miyuki smiles sympathetically. "Wasn't too good huh?"

"Fuck no!" I manage to startle the waitress who was coming up to take my order, and I have to mumble apologies to her as Miyuki orders our food. "You ordered for three people," I notice.

"I did. Nanako's coming too"

Said bodyguard glides into the café at that exact moment, looking around the room before spotting us and walking over. She smiles, greeting both of us as she removes her jacket, draping it over the back of her seat before taking a seat herself.

"So, what are we talking about?"

"Annoying commissions," I groan, "had to get out of bed at seven"

"What? That's not so bad"

Miyuki nods in agreement.

"Fine, sue me for wanting to sleep in on a Saturday, like a normal person," I glare daggers at the both of them. They just laugh at me.

The waitress brings us the drinks Miyuki ordered, along with a few deserts.

"You're like my Mom," Nanako says to Miyuki, "always ordering things for me." She sips at her drink, grimaces, "You're lucky this is good, or else I'd be having a temper tantrum right about now"

"I know what you mean. Sometimes she even _corrects_ me. Like I'll ordering something and she'll say, "no, that's not what you're having," right in front of the waiter too!"

Nanako and I laugh while Myuki looks miffed at the both of us. "Fine. I won't order for you again. Happy?"

"Aww, Miyuki-chan! Don't be like that!"

"Yeah! We love it when you mother us!"

We both proceed to get up and hug her right in the middle of the café, making nonsensical cooing noises and rubbing our cheeks against hers. The other patrons turn to look at the crazy girls, eyes agape and confused. Eventually our shy waitress explains in a shaky vice that if we don't stop she'll have to ask us to leave.

This only makes us giggle, though Miyuki is bright red with embarrassment. She fights us off with fussy little slaps until we're back in our seats, amusedly contrite.

We eat and talk , looking out into the rain amid the occasional silences. It's peaceful. Eventually I reluctantly climb to my feet and announce that it's about time for me to brave the rain and go home. Nanako announces much the same, but doesn't seem in a hurry to move.

"You sure you don't need a ride?" Ah, Miyuki, ever the caretaker.

"Nah, I'll be fine"

Before I leave, I sneak up to the counter while Miyuki's back is turned and ask for the bill. The waitress gives it to me. My eyes boggle at the ridiculous amount cited. What the fuck was in those cakes? Shaking my head, I hand over the sizeable amount of cash. It is all worth it when Miyuki sees what I'm doing and sputters in adorable indignation.

* * *

"So wait, this is all they do? Just hang around in the club room and eat cake? Isn't this like a music show? DOn't they ever play their instruments?" Misao purses her lips in confusion.

"Well yeah, but they practice sometimes, and pull various cute shenanigans"

"But they don't even do much. They just hang out"

"Anime isn't so forthright these days. It comes in all shapes and sizes. "Hanging out" is kind of its own genre. Or should I say "slice of life"?"

"That's weird. What happened to the giant robots?"

"They still have them. There's-"

A key jams audibly into the front door, followed by the jumbled struggling of someone trying to jangle it open. Cursing ensues. Finally the door creaks open, and someone in sopping wet clothes sloshes past the threshold. They sigh, and with careful steps in feet recently liberated from a pair of clunky rain boots, they immediately close the door and rush off into the apartment. The sounds of a shower starting clue me in to their whereabouts.

I smile and return my attention to the TV.

Finally the muffled sound of running water stops, and I only have to wait for about five minutes before someone suddenly walks up to me from behind and relieves me of my blanket, leaving me chilly in my underwear.

"Hey!"

But she has already sat down behind me, gathering me in her arms and wrapping the both of us in the blanket. She's dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. I can feel smooth cotton against my back, soft and pleasant without a bra underneath. She smells like rain and shampoo, and I lean back into her embrace, relaxing.

"You weren't there when I woke up," I complain, my eyes closed.

"Sorry," she mumbles, "had an unscheduled photo-shoot." She squeezes me a little, "I didn't think you would be here when I got back"

"Well it's raining. I don't want to have to deal"

"I'm glad you stayed." She presses a soft kiss against my neck, in a spot she knows is ticklish.

"Hey," I say, laughing, "stop that"

"Stop what?" She kisses the spot again.

"Kagami!" I laugh again, squirming in her grasp.

She keeps kiss/tickling me, grinning against my neck and maneuvering her hands against my ribs, which are also ticklish.

"Ack! Come on!" I keep laughing until she lets up, pressing a normal kiss against a less ticklish, though less sensitive, area. "Are you happy now?" I ask

She nuzzles my cheek, "I was happy when I came in and saw you still here"

I pause. "Oh my god, you're so corny"

"And you're blushing"

Dammit, I am. "Shut up!" I turn my head and kiss her on the lips, catching her by surprise.

She isn't surprised for long though, and she begins kissing back, taking ahold of my thighs and helping me turn so that I'm straddling her. We might have gotten carried away right then and there if Misao hadn't cleared her throat.

"Welcome home, Kagami," she says, brightly. She says everything brightly.

Kagami and I immediately stop. "Hey Misao," she laughs, "How's it going?"

I sigh. Sloppy make-outs can wait. I can't believe we almost did that in front of Misao. I roll off of Kagami, stealing the blanket for myself in the process.

After a brief consultation with my cellphone I am surprised to find that it is already three o clock. Have I really been hanging out with Misao, watching TV all day?

I suppose I have. Oh well.

I shuffle, blanket-ridden, back into Kagami's room to get dressed. I put on my own shorts, but hunt in Kagami's closet for a shirt that is naturally too big for me.

Just as I step back into the living room, the front door opens again, admitting Ayano. She seems less stressed out than she usually is.

"Hey guys," she tosses her keys into the bowl, "Hiyori's coming over"

"What?" I ask, surprised. "Really? She's leaving the hotel?"

"Oh, hey Konata. Yeah, she's coming over. I swear she's going crazy in there"

"So that means Nanako's coming too," says Kagami.

"And she's bringing Minami, yeah"

I sit down and lean against my girflriend, unsurprised when I feel her arm settle around my shoulders. She plays with my hair, tugging strands of it out of my shirt (which is her shirt, she notes with a smile) , running her fingers through it. But my hair's still wet, so they aren't the smoothest motions, and I have to take hold of her hand so that she stops.

"It looks like we're hosting a party," she says, to no-one in particular.

I reach for my cellphone, "I'll call Miyuki and Sebastian"

* * *

"So I guess I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Jeez, don't look so put out, we can see each other after you're finished with work"

It's Sunday, the next morning, and the both of us are slightly disoriented from last night's party. Once again it's raining, and as such Kagami has been called off to another spontaneous job.

"Ah, y-yeah, I guess so"

I tuck a stray bit of hair back behind her ear, "Will you miss me?"

"Ha, you dork. As if"

"You're blushing"

She smiles shyly, "Well you're talking to me like we're a married couple so…yeah, of course I'm embarrassed"

I look up at her, terribly endeared. She looks so mature with her hair down, but with that expression… "Adorable…" I whisper.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing," I shake my head, "So I'll see you later okay?"

"Yeah, of course," she smiles.

"Bye then," I stand on my tip toes to kiss her. Her arms wrap around me, briefly pulling me closer before letting go.

"Bye"

"I love you"

She freezes. I said it nonchalantly; the sort of words any ordinary couple says when they part. The trouble is, this is actually the first time I've ever said it: I love you. The dumbfounded look on Kagami's face tells me that she's about as surprised as I am, if not more so. My own expression is stony.

"So," I blurt "I'll see you at three," I rush to Sebastian's car while she's still stunned.

"Hey…hey wait a minute!" I hear behind me. Her voice is at once angry and elated. I jump into the passenger seat.

"Drive! Drive!" I tell him. He smiles at me, shakes his head, and presses his foot against the gas. I feel giddy as we pull away, and Kagami is smiling at me, her shouting barely audible through the glass of the window. She runs after us, and I stick my tongue out at her. She has to stop running to laugh.

"What was that about?" Asks Sebastian.

"Oh, nothing much"

"You sure about that?"

I fix him with a look, punch him in the arm. "Just get me home man"

He drops me off at the apartment. And after climbing the stairs and getting into my apartment, I think about everything I have to get done; my homework, my actual work, emails to answer. But my thoughts keep returning to what just happened, what I just said. I meander to my room in a sort of daze, tracing my finger over the spines of books on one of our many bookshelves. Miyuki quirks an eyebrow at me as I pass by the kitchen, she's a little dazed to, though it seems she managed to get home last night.

"You okay?" She asks.

I'm smiling like a goof, but before I can answer, the doorbell sounds.

Miyuki and I look at each other, and in one of those wordless exchanges it is decided that since I'm already up, I must open the door.

So I open the door.

Honestly, I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. It is a pleasant surprise.

Kagami is panting in my doorway, her car keys still clutched in her fist. She's bent over, hands on her knees. She must have run up the stairs to get here. She looks absolutely exhausted, but she's grinning. She's grinning and she's absolutely stunning.

"Now what are _you_ doing here?" I ask jokingly.

She looks at me through hooded eyes, "I once put a man in the hospital for you. What makes you think I wouldn't just drive over?"

I smile and shrug.

"What was that you said?" She asks, between breaths, between gritted teeth.

"What are you talking about?" I smile, and she laughs, shaking her head.

"Konata…"

"Oh," I look from side to side, as if I'm afraid someone will overhear some terrible secret. "You mean that thing about me loving you?" I whisper.

She laughs in ragged vindication, slumping against the doorframe, eyes closed, as if savoring the moment. "So you did say it"

I reach up to take her face in my hands.

"That's…" she searches for words, can't find them.

"You're crying," I wipe a tear away.

"Arggh, of course I'm crying to doof"

She grabs me, pulling me close so that I can smell the rain on her; the sweat, the soap, the shampoo and the detergent in her clothes. I close my eyes and let the feel of her wash over me. With one fluid motion she bends down so that my face is buried in the crook of her neck, smooth skin against my cheek, purple strands of hair tickling my nose.

Her lips suddenly on mine.

"I love you too"

* * *

**Author's Note**: This is probably the end of this little story. Thanks to all of you who stuck with me, and all of you who are reading this in one go. The reviews were always appreciated.


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